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Spare rooms

(17 Posts)
dogsandkids Mon 28-Sep-15 13:43:38

We are starting stage 2 of the process and really appreciate all the information and support on these boards. Our social worker in Stage 1 encouraged us to consider siblings and commented how we could easily get two beds in our spare room.
Last week she however completely changed her mind saying we had to have a room per child for when they are teenagers. I explained that we may well move or extend before that time, but she referred so some recent case she had worked on where siblings were not approved for this reason.
We have a birth son, so live in a largish 3 bed house and are looking to adopt the younger age range.
Am wondering if others have adopted siblings with them being in the same room?

Chocogoingcuckoo Mon 28-Sep-15 14:43:02

Hi, I don't really have anything to add to this but watching the thread as we're in the early stages and sw advised we could apply for siblings even though we are in a 2 bed property however they kids would have to be between 0-5 yrs as long as we move to a 3 bed by the time the eldest is 9. Be interesting to hear from some experienced adopters.

tldr Mon 28-Sep-15 14:56:55

Well, once you have the adoption order they can't make you do anything, so how your SW is planning on making sure you move house is anyone's guess.

I suppose they mean you must play along and say to SWs, panel and anyone else that asks that of course you'd move to a bigger house in due course.

I have heard of siblings placed together into one bedroom where they're always shared a room, but in the cases I know of there was another bedroom available for them to grow into.

Whilst you're making promises about moving/extending etc though, bear in mind that your earning potential may decrease. I had every intention of going back to work full time, but it became obvious pretty quickly that it would be better for DC if I didn't. So I didn't. If we'd have had a requirement to move up the housing ladder, we'd have had a very tough choice to make.

fasparent Mon 28-Sep-15 16:25:39

Think children would be happy in the Garden Shed, if the authority's want permanency, fostered, adopted or sgo's , most sibling's will want too be together, Unfortunate with Austerity, housing, and bedroom tax is proving too be an obstacle. Things will and have too change soon and will, too many children are waiting for foster placements, due too shortages of foster parents and accommodation, many of sibling groups being split up,
Think the rules will be relaxed and changed very soon .

Desmoulinsonatable Tue 29-Sep-15 07:13:54

Hi there, exactly the same happened to us. We had planned bunks in our spare room for siblings. When it came to matching they HAD to have their own rooms. We ended up moving out of our bedroom and having it split in two. It cost about 5k - I wouldn't swap our bearcubs for the world but be warned that the goal posts can and do change quite a lot at matching. It's worth it though! Good luck. smile

Kewcumber Tue 29-Sep-15 09:22:05

The overwhelming rule is that each child needs their own room. Of course you can always find exceptions to that rule most notably with siblings already room sharing but it is the exception rather than the rule and I'd work on the basis that you're more likely to get one placed unless you have a plan to say use a downstairs reception room converted to a bedroom for your existing child maybe.

Desmoulinsonatable Tue 29-Sep-15 13:58:21

I agree with Kew wink

Our SW said a very pertinent thing to us, - 'Imagine you have been taken away from
all the things you know and everyone you have ever loved, even if that home is entirely unsafe a space of your own is really a minimum requirement'

We stopped moaning at that point.

tldr Tue 29-Sep-15 14:39:29

And, even if you got through approval panel, I think you'd have quite a hard time getting matched.

blossom101001 Fri 02-Oct-15 18:15:17

I am completely different. We were approved to adopt 2 and we were living in a two bed house. The boys ended up sharing. They did not share in their foster care home but moved in with us and shared. They have only been home for a year and we have recently moved, They chose to share again even if they don't have to.

RevMarcus Wed 07-Jun-17 11:43:10

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

mrsm291 Wed 07-Jun-17 13:20:55

We have siblings sharing. It was never mentioned as an issue to us at any point during the process. It is a large room though.

itsbeenaverylongweek Wed 07-Jun-17 19:16:11

This was never mentioned to us, so in our case siblings sharing. Friends who we've met through the process also have siblings sharing in their home. I've got to be honest I don't understand why this seems to be an issue these days with BC as well

Italiangreyhound Thu 08-Jun-17 00:15:47

dogsandkids "Our social worker in Stage 1 encouraged us to consider siblings" Did you consider this before your social worker mentioned it?

Do you want to adopt two or is it simply because it was mentioned?

I am sorry to jump in here and please feel free to ignore me... but I'd be more concerned about adopting two children when you already have one. I would say that your birth child could feel quite out-numbered dealing with not just one new child, but two.

Can I ask how old your birth child is and the age/s you are hoping to adopt?

If you really want to adopt two children and the house is largish, I would see about converting the biggest bedroom (possible your bedroom) into two. You could do this quite cheaply with a dividing wall, cheaply compared to building an extension.

I totally agree with Kewcumber "The overwhelming rule is that each child needs their own room. Of course you can always find exceptions to that rule most notably with siblings already room sharing but it is the exception rather than the rule."

itsbeenaverylongweek "I've got to be honest I don't understand why this seems to be an issue these days with BC as well"

I'm not sure it is an issue with birth children, unless they are the opposite sex and older than a certain age (in which case it is fairly obvious why it could be an issue).

For adopted children it might be helpful to think about why their own room is recommended. Although children who have lived through loss, neglect, trauma etc may wish to share a room and be close to each other; at some point they may want and need some independence from each other. Not having their own room would make this harder.

Your adopted child/ren cannot share with your birth child, so if you had two adopted children in a shared room and a birth child in a separate room it seems a bad idea. I can imagine all kinds of jealousy going in both directions.

Italiangreyhound Thu 08-Jun-17 00:16:59

Just for the record I have one birth child and one adopted, and they are quite jealous of each other!

Bloodybridget Thu 08-Jun-17 03:37:35

Just to point out, the OP posted in 2015!

Italiangreyhound Thu 08-Jun-17 14:55:31

Bloodybridget well done for spotting that. I wonder how she is getting on!

OlennasWimple Thu 08-Jun-17 22:19:12

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT!!

(Seeing that MN don't do this themselves....)

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