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Been put on hold

(5 Posts)
Mersea Sat 12-Sep-15 13:00:04

Hi all, We have now been put on hold while the health adviser looks into more details of our medical situation. Their main concern is that I am seeing a counsellor on a regular basis. I originally went as my mum and dad were being treated for cancer and I wanted to support them and my family as best I could. They have now been given the all clear but I have decided to carry on with the sessions. I find them a useful way to off load about all sorts of things including work and more recently the adoption process. However the adoption team see it as me being in crisis and can't seem to accept that I might be choosing to go as a regular / permanent thing. I have tried explaining this and said that for me it is a positive and proactive thing the same as going to have a relaxation treatment but they don't see it that way. I really don't know what else to do other than stop going but it seems a real shame that this should be the case. I would really appreciate your thoughts smile

Kewcumber Sat 12-Sep-15 16:52:34

Its a bit odd as social workers normally love counselling.

I would try not to panic, talk to the medical adviser to the panel adn explain what you have here very calmly. Offer to give up if it would help them believe that you aren't dependent on it - say you find it helpful but that in likelihood it would probably stop when you have a child at home anyway due to the extra time pressure so that there wouldn't be a problem giving it up early if they insist.

I strongly suspect that if all is exactly as you have described it, the health adviser will rubber stamp it and all will continue as normal. IME, the more calmly you react to these things that get thrown up by the adoption process, the more reassured they are that you can roll with the punches at a later date.

Good luck.

tldr Sun 13-Sep-15 22:33:15

I just posted a similar thing on your other thread.

I suspect it's quite likely that SWs just plain old aren't allowed to make decisions where there are any concerns at all re health or mental health, hence the hold pending some input from health person.

Hang tight, don't rock the boat or do anything rash and wait and see what happens. I suspect Kew is right. <puts on Kew is right tee shirt>

Italiangreyhound Mon 14-Sep-15 18:02:49

Mersea as ever I agree with Kew! Offering to stop going will hopefully be enough to make them realise you do not 'need' it and then they will not mind if you have it! But they may say 'OK stop going then', in which case you will need to decide how much you need this and how long you wish to continue with it before effectively 're-starting' the adoption process.

If I can play devil's advocate - I hate the word devil but love advocat (the drink!) - can I say one interpretation of your attending counselling is that you are having a hard time coping with life at the moment. That your parents' illness and the adoption process is so stressful you need help to get through it.

I am not saying I think this is true!

But from a social worker's point of view if it were true you could not handle your parents illness and the adoption process without ongoing counselling then they may feel you would not handle adoption itself well.

Adoption is generally more stressful and full on than the adoption process (in my experience) although for a very small number of people who find interviews and meetings highly stressful and who adopt relatively easy to care for kids this may not be the case!

In other words once your new child or children arrive you will have more to do, more calls on your time and money, less 'me' time, more stress generally (although also lots of fun, at times, but maybe not at first!). So, if there are any questions about your ability to 'cope' the social workers will want to know about it and want to ensure it is 'sorted' before proceeding.

This seems very unfair on one level, because (for example) I had informal but professional counselling for an eating disorder before we adopted, it stopped when we adopted but the stress of adoption made it temporarily worse (IMHO) so I went back to see the counsellor.

Because this was all though work (kind employers) and nothing to do with medical records it never showed up anywhere. I was open about my (frankly rather mild) eating disorder to social workers and it was never really an issue, possibly because eating a lot (a bit too much) is actually very common! Even my social worker admitted liking chocolate when stressed or the whatever!

So take or leave my view, I am an adopter and not a social worker and I am not saying I agree but it is one interpretation of why they are bothered about this.

Mersea please PM me if you like and please do not be offended!

Mersea Mon 14-Sep-15 21:50:23

Thank you for all your thoughts and comments and I really am not offended by any of them, it is nice to get others' opinions. I have now answered a selection of questions about why I have attended counselling in the past and said that I am willing to give a finish date to my current sessions. I guess I have just seen it as a little unfair that regular ongoing counselling is seen as such a negative thing. However this adoption means so much to me and now is not the time to go on a crusade about the injustice of attitude towards talking therapy!!

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