well its done. will speak to sw managers and get back to us to let us know if they'll proceed with us.
it doesn't feel like they need us - baby is still being advertised, and other potential families have come forward..which doesn't thrill me if i'm honest. if they go ahead with us they'll stop the advertising then.
so more waiting. this frustration certainly feels familiar.
Do they want your children to be there? If they do try to get another trusted adult to be there so that they can take the children out if they get bored or start acting up. We tried to have a SW visit with our 2 year old son in the room. She had requested he be there. He behaved dreadfully and in the end threw a block at her. She decided he had behavioural problems and delayed our assessment for 6 months to give us time to "sort him out". B***H. I wish I had thrown the block at her myself.
thanks everyone. gabs that did make me laugh sorry. our older dc were at school - i asked if we should get a baby-sitter for our 2 yr old, sw said no its fine so our 2 yr old was home with us. To be fair our Lo was fine, sat with us for a bit then pottered off and played, came back and forth but was no both i dont think. They have not mentioned if they'd want the others there if we go forward.
i guess i'm just worrying that they want to find a reason as it'd be dc4....and i didn't expect them to say we'll go back and discuss it with our managers. i think maybe i expected big smiles and a great we'll go ahead....but no more waiting.
what kind of reasons do they find to say NO? does anyone know or have experience of that?
yes we have our hearts set on this now. our dc do have sn and were hard to place....but its been 8 years and their needs are significantly less than imagined when first placed.
our 3rd child has no needs.
we have the finances, space for baby to have own room, are young enough etc.....we just worry that because of the siblings needs they will want to find a reason to say no, or they will want to place the baby in house to ensure one of their adopters has a child placed with them - does that still happen?
new baby will be in the same position of having an uncertain future - though at the moment they are saying no significant needs found - so is a very adoptable baby on first look. if you dig deeper into the needs of all the siblings i would predict baby will have some kind of sn in the future.
anyways - it is out of our hands now and we await a decision from managers on whether to proceed. i hate this waiting game - and no timeframe was given despite us asking several times. yuk.
If I were you I wouldn't tell the kids until it's definite . They don't need a long lead in time . I'm assuming they are primary school age, so the baby won't impact on them as much as if they were toddlers or pre schoolers .
As you know, the uncertainty is very hard to deal with , even for adults who understand the ( supposed) reasons for it .
thought i'd update that we are going ahead with being assessed to bring home baby.
we'll not tell our dc for some time, but the process will now be fast-tracked and we are looking at 3 months! not sure how realistic that estimate is, especially with christmas just over 3 months away, but here we go again.
We have two adopted DC who are birth siblings, and because of the uncertainty could not tell our DC1 until we were on our way to meet baby DC2. Of course DC1 had no clue what was going on and was very stressed (though younger than your two oldest). We did have quite a bit of fallout after placement. I'm not sure how else we could have approached it (and there were various other stressful things including bmum going missing during pregnancy so everyone going "well we had a placement from birth lined up... and we did say we'd organise visits... but we don't know what's happening now...")
gabsdot45 has your SW not met any 2 year olds then?
Our SW did come and see DC1 in the home and obviously DC1 had no clue what was going on but was just shy rather than rowdy. But could easily have thrown a block. Obviously SW had met DC1 a lot in early days of placement for DC1 but it was some time previously and DC1 was not going to remember SW.
Children with SN in our experience (16 children and counting 10 Adopted) thrive better in a large family, lots more normality and inclusion's, have several children with SN all are doing well, Some now Adult's, all that have moved on are living independent, some drive, all are in some form of work, some have even bought their own home's. Best too love the child then care for the problem.