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Need help with child guardians behaviour during visit

(8 Posts)
llamaking Fri 31-Jul-15 16:46:17


we are adoptive parents of two wonderful children, and our story so far has been challenging but i dont want to go into too much detail, but needless to say there has been some disclosures about the birth family some pretty serious ones at that.

and we have had a few meltdowns at school and home when birth family have been mentioned by social workers with us having to collect them home early etc.

any way, we have told this to social workers and over the past 6 months everything has been going great as they haven't mentioned it, our court date is looming and for some reason the BM is applying for consent to contest which means a child guardian was appointed.

she had to make a visit which is fine, no objection, we had a chat in the living room when she arrived and explained everything to her while the kids were in the garden with my other half

then she started talking to the kids later about family, they both said quite adamantly we are their family and couldn't remember anything otherwise, then she decided to bring up the past and tell them where they had been and what happened to them and all about their birth family.

the kids are now crying clearly upset when shes asking them but she persists anyway making them even more upset, then says right that's all i need i'm off.

and off she pops in her car back home.

we are now left with 2 kids who dont trust us, "you said you would protect us and we are your family" "that women is coming to take us away i hate you" pretty much lots of this, 4 hours on the kids are still in a meltdown and while i understand i am their dad and i need to pick up the pieces and spend another 6 months reassuring them, that's my job as a dad, but WHY?

why did she need to do this to us?

i feel she has caused unnecessary harm to the kids and i am outraged.

what should we do is there anything we can do? or do we just accept it, work hard for another 6 months through tantrums etc all because this unsympathetic lady? she told us she didn't have to bring it all up, then goes ahead anyway.
she should be sacked in my opinion.
any advice welcome.

odyssey2001 Fri 31-Jul-15 17:58:29

Complain to the head of children's services, the court and your local MP if necessary. Write everything down today that happened before you forget it but write the letter of complaint when you are calmer. So sorry this has happened to you.

Footle Fri 31-Jul-15 18:02:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fasparent Fri 31-Jul-15 18:09:20

Child's appointed court guardian CAFCAS is appointed too reflect the child's feelings and wishes too the court is not for you or birth parents, but what is considered too in the best future interest/outcome of the child. will consider present and past situation and history.
Often they do only have a written report have never met or know the child.
think its a little draconian process for any child , meeting a person for the 1st time who asks very personal questions of them alone and unaccompanied. EVEN IF A CHILD IS ADDRESSED AT A POLICE STATION
they have too have a responsible adult present, so one could argue it is an affront too their civil liberty and freedom. If a child is considered of responsible age they could apply the Guilick Principle though in law. May have spelt it wrong.

fasparent Fri 31-Jul-15 19:35:28

Did spell it wrong , You can load " www.a young person's guide to Gillik principle., can Google it. Worth knowing about anyway

Footle Fri 31-Jul-15 20:12:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Fri 31-Jul-15 21:24:10

I have lots of sympathy with you (we are currently going through a serious regression with DD which seems to have been triggered simply by me mentioning in passing that we have passed the anniversary of her coming to live with us last month, in a hasn't the time flown type of way. Wish I hadn't said anything...)

I suspect that the answer is that the guardian needs to be able to tell the judge that she has met the children, they understand their background, and what their feelings are about being with you rather than returned to the BM. It's hard for her to do that without talking directly to them

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Fri 31-Jul-15 21:26:42

Posted too soon!!

I was going to add - if I were you I would phone your SW first thing tomorrow and say that you were very surprised by how the visit went, and weren't expecting the guardian to bring up these issues in this way, and is this normal? Then you have laid the ground for a future complaint, if you feel that is warranted.

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