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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Where to start?

(14 Posts)
Kangaroosjump Thu 30-Jul-15 12:57:01

I have several reasons to think we won't be approved... But I want to try, and know that it wasn't an option before I give up on the idea. Just in case I'm wrong.

How do you begin?

slippersmum Thu 30-Jul-15 13:36:06

I have undertaken adoption assessments in the past. Would you feel comfortable sharing your reasons?

In terms of beginning you could contact the local authority they will have people who deal with people seeking information at the very start. If your reasons are for example one of you has had cancer in the last 2 years there will be a clear policy on this and they may be able to clear it up for you straight away as it would be a shame to get further into the process and then be disappointed.

Kangaroosjump Thu 30-Jul-15 13:59:19

It's a long and complex list of reasons that includes health and marital separation due to the stress the health issue caused... But it wasn't cancer

I sort of feel like it will be a no but I need to hear it to give up on it altogether...

slkk Thu 30-Jul-15 17:15:29

Try going to an open day or a few. Depending on where you live you might be better going with a neighbouring authority. My local authority isn't taking anyone on who lives in borough.

researchbookworm Thu 30-Jul-15 18:13:17

I think if you or your partner (if you have one) have a potentially life shortening condition then they are likely to say no. That said, I know adopters who have been approved with more minor health concerns and although some have been asked to show a commitment to making changes to improve their health, it hasn't been an obstacle to them adopting. It will be more/less of a big deal depending on whether you are going into this as a single adopter or not...

raggydolls22 Thu 30-Jul-15 18:34:54

I have a chronic health condition which although under reasonably good control at the mo can be debilitating when flaring and we were approved last year, LO placed a few months ago :D A lot of it is about what you've learnt from past experiences and what would you do in the future if you needed extra help/support ie friends/family who would support you. Good luck with it smile

Kewcumber Thu 30-Jul-15 21:03:14

I have known of couples where one has a potentially life shortening condition approved.

No way around talking to a local social worker. At present with the lengthening times for matching you may find even if you are approved it would take longer for you to be matched but things change so who knows what with happen over the next year or two.

slippersmum Fri 31-Jul-15 09:21:28

Sorry to use cancer as an example. I was just trying to illustrate that even with very serious things there are policies in place so your questions will be able to be answered. It's the same with mental health issues etc. lots of people who adopt and foster have had 'complicated' lives. In my experience they always made some of the best parents as they had a treasure trove of experience which in turn has been enormous benefit.

Kangaroosjump Fri 31-Jul-15 10:34:27

Yes slippersmum it was mental health

I called an agency yesterday and went into detail upfront and whilst they said not worth applying currently as we'd need a period of stability (recently reconciled officially although we've been working through our marital issues that came up for the past few years since what happened) and they also said we'd be scrutinised and any counsellors and doctors etc in our lifetime would be spoken to... All of which I expected but I still feel a bit hopeless about applying even in the future.

slippersmum Fri 31-Jul-15 14:57:18

I would expect them to want to see a period of 'stability' if there has been change in your relationship. As for the other things it's difficult to comment really as you don't go into specifics (totally your right of course). If you feel that you are in the right place to adopt maybe you could explore other options and see what they say? Having worked for local authorities for over a decade they are so mangled in red tape it's hard for them to think out of the box whereas other agencies are more able to. Just a thought? But don't take what they say as right. You know yourself and your dp better than anyone. They are only people and there is so much difference in opinions with social workers and as in all professions some are good and some are shockingly awful (as I have seen first hand)!

Kangaroosjump Fri 31-Jul-15 17:14:57

Can I ask how long a period of stability would be seen to be? I'm imagining a few years?

Kewcumber Fri 31-Jul-15 19:28:35

For a life threatening but cured condition I was asked to wait 2 years after being cleared (which took 6 months) - not sure about relationship issues, adoptions are notorious for causing relationship problems a bit like IVF.

slippersmum Sat 01-Aug-15 10:09:48

Well I hate to bring up cancer as an example again but with the local authority I worked for it used to be 5 years then it was reduced to 3, then 3 but on a case by case decision. It would depend on the actual difficulties and really difficult to answer without specifics but I would say a minimum of 2 years but as I say hard to answer without an actual situation. People can make applications to see what is written about them though in the local authorities as more is recorded than revealed. I know you see your assessments but there is other information held which is not shown.

Gina234 Tue 04-Aug-15 19:00:25

Have you considered surrogacy? There are lots of resources like ivf-sunrise.net providing help and support for this.

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