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Adoption vs fostering

(17 Posts)
SheHasAWildHeart Wed 22-Jul-15 11:22:44

I am 35, single, work full-time and have a DD aged 7. For stability I would prefer adoption because I think it would be a lot for my DD (and me!) to get attached to a child and for them to leave after a while.

I was just wondering why people chose one over the other.

StaceyAndTracey Wed 22-Jul-15 12:01:44

Same as you really . I didn't want something temporary ,I wanted to add to my family

Also , on the practical side,you can't work FT and be a foster carer. Even Pt is difficult if you are a single parent . SS are understandably not happy about a foster child being in childcare ,they are paying the FC to be the Childcarer .

LocoMoco Wed 22-Jul-15 12:03:10

Very simply adoption is becoming a parent to a child in exactly the same way your dd is your child and will be forever.

Fostering is providing a loving home for someone else's child for either a short period of time or a more extended period of time.

SheHasAWildHeart Wed 22-Jul-15 12:32:11

You can work FT and adopt right?

If your child is of school age do SS help you find a school space? I am trying to think about all the practical stuff first before I commit to anything.

JaneDonne Wed 22-Jul-15 12:43:33

They are such completely different things! How could you even compare them?

iwishkidslikedtomatoes Wed 22-Jul-15 13:08:30

Some people do work full time but be prepared that once you you've been approved you will be compared to other families to find out who is more suitable for each child. Being a single person vs a couple won't affect your chances if everything else is good. The other family having a stay at home parent or part time working parent will be more favourable and they will more likely be chosen. There are many more adopters than children waiting right now, unless you are looking to adopt a child with a disability, school aged child (at least 2 years younger than your current child) or sibling group.

Also, I'm soon to go back to work. Adopted children with separation anxiety etc really struggle, it's definitely going to be harder than leaving a birth child in childcare, there is no way I could do it full time. They also want to know you would be prepared to give up work entirely should the needs of the child require it. Obviously this isn't the same for all children, they all have different needs, but they all tend to have extra needs a birth child wouldn't, so you need to prepare for that.

Also we were told they wanted me to have a year off, you don't get government adoption pay (about £500 a month) for all of that, only 9 months. And any less than a year would not have been long enough anyway for the attachment that needs to take place. Something else to factor in.

Very honest, sorry, but I'm a give me the reality of it kind of girl. Hope that's okay.

iwishkidslikedtomatoes Wed 22-Jul-15 13:09:21

Adopted children and all those in care get priority school places smile

SirSpamalot Wed 22-Jul-15 13:15:39

I was just wondering why people chose one over the other

Because I wanted to be a mother, I didn't want to look after children as a job.

You can work FT and adopt right?

You will need to commit to taking a lot of time off initially. Normally a year. My two (adopted) DC appear - on the surface - to have attached well and I still have chosen to go back part time (within school hours) rather than full time so that the only times my DC have other people looking after them regularly is in school holidays (although, due to all my leave accrued during my adoption leave, they will only need to go into a holiday club - which they love - for 9 days over the next 10 months).

You absolutely need to plan not to work full time. You never know what needs the children will have until they come home - and (here's the thing I underestimated), how much time you will need away from work

If your child is of school age do SS help you find a school space?

Not as such, but you get your pick of the schools due to your DC's 'Looked After Status', even if joining in year and even if the school is full. They are required by law to exceed their numbers if needs be. Have a look at some schools admissions policies - they will all go 1. Child with a statement naming that school, 2. Looked After, or Formally Looked After Child 3. siblings 4. distance etc.

SheHasAWildHeart Wed 22-Jul-15 13:21:53

Thank you so much for your answers. It's been really really useful and given me lots to think about. I've read the Birmingham authority's website thoroughly but it doesn't cover the 'practical' experience that you all have - really appreciate it!

SirSpamalot Wed 22-Jul-15 13:28:13

They are such completely different things! How could you even compare them?

Because some people are just starting out on finding out about ways of having a family other than by giving birth and this is one of their first ports of call before they've done a lot of other research?

iwishkidslikedtomatoes Wed 22-Jul-15 13:34:49

You could always see if your local authority have an information evening to go to. You won't have to commit to anything. You may of course wish to do some more reading etc. first, but just an idea smile

JaneDonne Wed 22-Jul-15 19:07:01

Fair enough. But is fostering a way of having a family? It's a job surely? A vocational one, a tough one yes but a job nonetheless.

I'd say you need to be clear what you're looking for and then the answer to your question will be equally clear.

slkk Wed 22-Jul-15 19:37:50

I was always clear that I would need to work but as dh can be flexible and I work in education therefore home for holidays, this was not seen as an issue. I did take a year adoption leave. Ds is fine in childcare settings like nursery but has gone a little crazy when being looked after in someone's house (too much like intros week).
With adoption, ties with birth family are usually cut (though there is often letterbox contact) but with fostering you will need to support your child's relationships and contact with birth family. Social workers will be forever a part of your life with fostering, after the adoption order you carry on with your life and raise your child as you do your birth child.
I know some adoptive parents are waiting ages to be matched, but it might depend on your area and the age and heritage of the child you are looking for. All my prep group were matched within a year, but all have been matched with siblings, older or 'harder to place' children. Good luck with your journey.

MyPreciousRing Thu 23-Jul-15 11:08:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyPreciousRing Thu 23-Jul-15 11:08:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyPreciousRing Thu 23-Jul-15 11:09:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fasparent Thu 23-Jul-15 12:03:22

Foster portent's are regarded as self employed our payment is £150 a week for two of us , when a child is in placement , most have too sign on when a child is not in placement onto "Job seekers allowance,., many find work, do not return too fostering as find them self's better off in work.
Lots of expenses , equipment too refurbish, redecorating, washers and dryers don't last long. most are not allowed too work. Though we do children always comment "YOU WORK!! So what the public see regards payments in press etc. is a mere Myth. only applies if a child is in placement, when a child moves on many wait months with no pay until the next placement.
The consolation is caring for children who are victims/casualty's of society through no fault of there own , seeing them progress, gain confidence, self esteem, improve their health, See them move on too a better a outcome, be it Adoption, Long term care, or Back too their family's.
Though we love them all and miss them dearly when they move on, is very emotional time

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