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What Age Were You?

(16 Posts)
oasiswaterpool Thu 11-Jun-15 23:27:22

I am 48 and my husband is 50 we are approved adopters and waiting for a match. We have set our age between 3-5 and a girl. I am wondering if we could open this a bit further from 1-5 years and wonder if any of you have adopted a child under 3 at late 40s/50?

oasiswaterpool Thu 11-Jun-15 23:29:43

Sorry, did want to add in recent times ie: since down turn in number of PO's being given by courts.

I have attended an Trauma Course today and I must admit learning about increased levels of trauma in older children has made me nervous.

sarahlux Fri 12-Jun-15 08:07:35

Me and my partner are 25. Approved waiting for a match.

We are wanting either a boy it girl aged between 0-3

SponsoredByTheBadFairy Fri 12-Jun-15 11:06:37

I think you'll end up finding the right match on a child by child basis, looking at whether you can meet their needs, and be the right family for them. You might end up changing the age/gender that you think you hypothetically are right for. An older child might be displaying a higher level of damage from early trauma - but a younger child might also show that when they are older, so to a great extent their future issues will be unknown.

Only you can assess what issue you think you'll be able to therapeutically parent, and there's no denying it can be very tough - the right post-adoption support package for you, as well as for the child, will be so important.

To get back to your question, I was a fair chunk under 40 when adopting a child aged 3.

iwishkidslikedtomatoes Fri 12-Jun-15 11:43:30

I agree with sponsoredbythebadfairy -We adopted siblings, our child in the age group you're approved for is currently giving us less concern than our younger child in the age group you want to extend to

Hels20 Fri 12-Jun-15 12:25:12

37 when approved, 38 when matched. Husband is 10 years older.

Ladyofthehouse Fri 12-Jun-15 12:41:06

I was 34 when we had siblings aged 2.5 and 1.5 placed with us.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Fri 12-Jun-15 13:18:05

We adopted 8 years ago age 40(me) and 50(DH).
Our lovely girls were 2.5 and 8 when placed.

When you were approved surely your reasoning behind age range and gender were discussed. You should think carefully before widening it, and consider it against your original reasons.

Not all older children have big problems. We have been very lucky with both of ours.
With a younger child long term development & effects of their past are less clear up front.

2old2beamum Fri 12-Jun-15 17:34:20

Don't faint shock I was 65 and DH 62 when we adopted our last LO age 3, but she does have complex medical needs (not that it should make any difference ) and she was classed as "hard to place"

I do not think SS are too fussed about parental ages so much now.

Good luck

Devora Fri 12-Jun-15 17:54:03

I adopted a child aged 10 months when I was 46.

I was very convinced that the younger the child = the less trauma. I'm no longer convinced it's that straightforward.

excitedmtb Fri 12-Jun-15 20:13:43

Agree with Devora. Every child is different and their experiences vary - we may never know exactly what those experiences were but neglect and trauma impact on a child from day 1. sad

Heidistillyodels Fri 12-Jun-15 21:15:45

I was 48 and DH 43 when we adopted 4 and 5 year old siblings. I agree with pps that you can't really predict what impact trauma will have
on a child. 4 and 5 years old felt incredibly young; our DC are amazing and to date we have not experienced major problems.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Mon 15-Jun-15 11:01:25

34 when matched with an 18 month old

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Mon 15-Jun-15 11:02:09

I do know adopters in their late 40s who were matched with relinquished (ie tiny ) babies though

Mondsey Mon 15-Jun-15 18:01:57

Hi Oasis. Don't worry ! LAs appear to have relaxed about ages of adoptive parents from what I can tell. We were 44 and 49 when our 5 month old came to us. And I have come across quite a few others with similar ages. Of course you are likely to get matched more quickly with slightly older children since there's not quite as much 'competition' for them.

Barbadosgirl Mon 15-Jun-15 18:14:00

34 and 47 when our 8 month old came home!

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