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Seeking approval for one or two

(14 Posts)
Fredmitten Mon 08-Jun-15 20:15:28

We're going to approval panel in a month and have taken about 18 months to get to this point. We had hoped to adopt two siblings and this has always seemed a possibility (although we know we may be in for a long wait at present) - our social worker called this evening to let us know there are only a handful of siblings coming through the system - and we wouldn't be considered for any of them. But there are single children coming through and we would be considered, but it would be a competitive match.
Social worker is coming tomorrow evening to get our final view on this for submission to panel.
So now the question - what have your experiences of adopting one, and then later another? And if we go to panel for up to two children, is it likely the won't consider us for single children?
We also worry about competitive matches as I don't think our profile will be popular with family finders - but we'll worry about that if and when we get to itwink
Thanks

Italiangreyhound Mon 08-Jun-15 20:18:09

Fredmitten I've only adopted one and have a birth child. I can't see why you cannot be approved for either. If this were possible I would go for this.

Can you say why you think your profile won't be 'popular', without outing yourselves?

Fredmitten Mon 08-Jun-15 20:24:58

Thank you. We're not definitely unable to have birth children, are not geographically or emotionally close to most family, I would like to go back to work (probably part time) and we have a (huge) shared garden rather than our own.

UnderTheNameOfSanders Mon 08-Jun-15 20:29:09

We were meant to be approved for '1 or 2' but accidentally got approved for '2'.

If they don't think there are any 2s coming through, then they will consider you for singles, otherwise they have wasted their money assessing you.

There are also children out of area you can be considered for.

If you would be happy with '1 or 2' then I say go for it.

We adopted 2 together. Although hard at the start, they have a shared background and a good bond. And we only have to do one lot of contact.

If I really really wanted 2, I would be worried about adopting 1 in case that 1 turned out to be unable to cope with a sibling which would then prevent a future second adoption.

Fredmitten Mon 08-Jun-15 21:11:18

Thanks Sanders - we're in a real state of flux about what to do. I think we'll have to say one or two and then think about whether we look outside our agency for two, or would be potentially complete with one.

Italiangreyhound Mon 08-Jun-15 21:22:23

You don't sound an unattracitve match to me! The only thing is the shared garden but if you are in the garden with them when they are out there, until old enough, I can't see a problem. Can you secure it and make it safe?

This is helpful.....

www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/gardeningadvice/7974916/Garden-safety-pretty-but-poisonous-plants.html

Fredmitten Mon 08-Jun-15 21:38:14

The link is really helpful - thanks Italian.

It's kind of communal gardens - loads of it and a playground, but can't just throw open a door and have small people running in and out! We have a little bit of paved space which is ours so can have a sandbox/small bits.

Bringonthesunshineplease Mon 08-Jun-15 22:03:10

Fredmitten if you really want 2 then you should push for this as much as you can. We have no family in this country and a communal garden but has pre school siblings placed with us last year. Its about ensuring you have a good support networks (say's she who has discovered that most of what you think you will have disappears very quickly) and understand the safety of the children being in the shared garden so not leaving them unattended. Good luck!

Italiangreyhound Mon 08-Jun-15 22:08:31

Oh Fred there is so much you can do with a small space. Hanging boxes or baskets of fruit and veg, sandpit or paddling pool etc. All good fun.

Velvet1973 Mon 08-Jun-15 22:29:17

We were approved for two but in the end are in the process of adopting 1. We had said we wouldn't consider adopting a second time as we weren't sure an adopted child would handle it that well. However our lo was only 6 months when placed so a second adoption would now be very similar to people having a second birth child.
Since he has been placed though we are more than happy with just him and have now said we would only adopt a second if bm was to have another sibling and situation remains unchanged. It would be harder to say no to a sibling as it would be a massive benefit to both to be brought up together.

ALovelyTrain Mon 08-Jun-15 22:57:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fredmitten Tue 09-Jun-15 07:50:56

Morning all - thank you for sharing your experiences and the adoption link website. We've agreed to think about how having one would feel and whether we would feel our family was complete - as I think Velvet's (and other's) point that if we adopt a single, we shldn't be expecting to adopt a second as that may not be in the best interests of our child/family - but consider the options if there is a sibling.
I know we could be great adoptive parents, and I will find some optimism soon - but in this climate I can't help but think when we come up against a Sahm/f with a garden and GPs active and just down the road, we'll never make it to the top of the list!
Does anyone have experience of adopting outside your approval agency?

Desmoulinsonatable Tue 09-Jun-15 08:09:00

Fred, please don't put yourself down! We are going to matching panel for 2 next month. (Hurray!) we do have a small garden but also I have a ft job I'm intending to go back to, DH is freelance, we have a dog and our house needs/ed adapting to accommodate the LOs BUT we were seen as the right match for these 2 and that is what it boils down to, specific families, specific children so if two is right for you then keep on keeping on!

ALovelyTrain Tue 09-Jun-15 09:29:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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