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Really positive BP meeting

(6 Posts)
Bringonthesunshineplease Sun 07-Jun-15 13:58:18

Just wanted to share that despite our concerns I had a really positive meeting with our children BM this week. It was originally supposed to take place 8 months ago during intro's but due to her health and not dealing with the children's adoption it was cancelled. 8 months later it finally took place and was so worth meeting with her.

DH could not make it and I almost cancelled but I am so glad didn't. I would wholeheartedly recommend meeting with any bp if you are given the chance and having some time with our children with an update to share was a fabulous icebreaker. Thankfully she had found some acceptance regarding their adoption and was happy share as much information and answer questions which was fantastic. She also said she probably would not have been happy to tell us so much if the meeting at taken place when it was originally planed for as she could not accept they were being adopted.

I've taken so much positive from the meeting with her that I feel I can keep her memory alive for our dc in a far more positive way. Despite everything she never missed a contact, when she knew the children would be removed she choose to have them for the 24/ 48? hours, pack their stuff, prepare them as much as possible as opposed to having the sw arrive with police as she didn't want them to experience the trauma of this which I had not been aware of. Also despite not agreeing with the adoption or adoption order she chose not to contest as she didn't feel it would be in their interests.

While their are obviously reasons that she could not care for any of her children / provide the level of care needed to ensure their safety and well being I can see she is a vulnerable women who really cares for the children she has had and I hope that I can help my children understand this when the time in right.

I really would recommend meeting with BP's if you get a chance and feel that meeting them when you have the child/ren with you and some time has past/ acceptance has been reached regarding the adoption can be helpful.

Italiangreyhound Sun 07-Jun-15 15:13:03

Thank you for sharing Bringonthesunshineplease we so much hope we can meet ds's birth parents and hope this will happen and all these experiences will help us to know how it goes and what works well.

I wonder if there are any rules about what can be taken etc? I wanted to take some pictures drawn by ds, I wonder if this is allowed? Still waiting or birth family to say yes.

Bringonthesunshineplease Sun 07-Jun-15 16:28:28

Italian its really worth it if you can. We have a no photos with letter box due to social media concerns but I did take some photo's of the children tracking their progress while they have been with us to show her but took them away with me. I showed her photos of their father who could not attend. Photo's of their bedroom and playroom, plus the garden as very unidentifiable but I could tell let liked seeing some of where they live.

I did hand prints on a canvas from each child and drawings for her which I had laminated to keep. On of my children made her a card addressed to her first name and I took envelops with various dates paintings and drawings by each child for her to keep.

She seemed touched and although she would like photo's she understood she could only look at them. Her sw was happy for her to have as much as we were happy to give.

She brought in some soft toy's the children had when they were with her for their memory boxes which were pretty empty. As she had been so anti the adoption she had not given any photos of either from before they went into care. I explained how important it was for them to have some and that my oldest had been asking to see a baby photos. She had no photos from their time in fc so I said i would send some. She returned ss the day after with some photos of the children when they were younger to be copied for us and it's great to have them and I sent some photos of them from when they were seeing her in fc to have.

Overall very positive and I feel we were able to meet each other half way for the benefit of the children. I did open with telling her about the children and a few funny stories etc which she identified with.

Hope this helps and hope you can get a bp meeting organised. Good luck!

raggydolls22 Sun 07-Jun-15 19:58:14

Thanks for posting this. We have our meeting soon and you've given some good ideas eg the hand/feet prints which I think we'll do. Also it's really good to hear positive stories of birth parent meetings, im so nervous for ours but everyone who I know who's had one have said it was a really positive thing which reduces my nerves a bit smile

Bringonthesunshineplease Sun 07-Jun-15 23:39:52

Good luck raggydolls for your meeting. I hope you get as much form it as you can. I had major reservations and found it positive as I was doing it for my dc. I also felt that regardless from the moment of the meeting if not before as in our own case, we had so much more, so sharing a little regardless of the circumstances that brought our children to us was not too much to give. Our own sw seemed surprised we were ok with the meeting also been a bit like an extend final contact for her re the children.

One thing I didn't ask but wish I had was what she had been told about us as I'm curious as to how much is shared with bp's about the adopters.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty Sun 07-Jun-15 23:42:02

I'm really glad this went well

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