After two recent failed ivf attempts, we have decided to explore future adoption. My husband has an 6 year old daughter who stays overnight on a Friday evening and over the holiday periods. We currently have two bedrooms (large double bedroom, small front room that could hold double bed and draws). Can anyone please offer advice about bedroom situation, and would having two rooms go against us even though step-daughter does not live with us on a full-time basis?
I was approved while living in a 2 bed flat with a birth child, but I understand this is vanishingly rare (to the point that I don't understand why it wasn't an obstacle for us). But you do have a while to sort this out!
As far as I know your new child would need their own room. It may be that your step daughter could stay in your room or the living room but I would imagine this would create some resentment in your step daughter (possibly). I know my dd would have hated it if our new adopted son had caused her to lose her room in some way.
If you are in rented accommodation I would say it is advisable to move to where you can accommodate another child before you get too far along the process because part of the process is assesses your local support network and if you end up moving quite far that may change somewhat.
If you own your house could you convert the bigger room into two? Is there any other room (small dining room) that could become a bedroom, or space to add on/convert?
The reason for the room requirement is that normally your new child would need a place to retreat to if they needed, to have their own things around them and feel safe etc. If they were expected to share 'their' space with another child, be it your birth child or step child etc, this would mean it was not totally 'their' space.
I can also imagine that, as I say, your step daughter would find it hard to have her own room taken away and then to share it again when she came to visit.
After dinner and in the evening I sit in front of my living room pc and do a bit of mumsnetting! After dinner I usually 'warn' my kids to keep out while they have dessert and I have a cuppa! I need to get away from their noise and shenanigans!
We all need a bit of space. Some of us more than others!
I think it is really important for kids who have been through trauma etc to have a safe space although, of course, some will want to be in the room with others! So my son only really uses his room for sleep and likes to be out and around the rest of the family the rest of the day.
For some kids there may be other circumstances and it if clear from here and what others have said that there will always be exceptions to the rule.
I guess one factor with adoption is you have no idea how your new child will cope so if you start out with very limited space for bedrooms it might be a gamble, how it worked out. Usually social workers are not prepared to take that risk. Plus for you, as the new parent, you have no idea how it will work out and so having that extra room is important.
It's really worth getting the professional info to make an informed choice.
We were refused siblings on the rule that each child (regardless of them already sharing in foster care) had to have their own room. At the time we were in a 2 bedroom home.
That annoyed me as the government state children were meant to share a room until 7 or 9.
Double standards it felt like.
Also felt like SS would bend rules to suit them but pressurise us to get things done sooner. Make us do things we probably wouldn't have bothered with if it was a birth child and then never really checked we did them (we had).
As much as it was horrendously stressful the outcome was worth it.
We are currently in the process of moving out of our bedroom so it can be split in two. We thought the sibs we are adopting would be ok to share but discussion with their social worker proved otherwise. So we're going in the spare room!