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First week and computer issues!(12 Posts)
Well what a week, in fact not even a week! Knew our lives would change but blimey it's hit me. So so tired. Absolutely exhausting being 'on it' for 15 hours a day.
We are so lucky with our lovely boys. They are generally settling well and are very loving. I am finding it very intersting to see them playing out all the things I hVe read on here and in books - trying to please, testing us out, regression, controlling food etc. but so far I feel we are handling things well.
I read a lot previously about how new parents can find their children very irritating in the beginning , I definitely felt like this today and so did DH, which wasn't great timing! The main issue is that DS aged 7 is obsessed with all things computer- my phone, tablet, PC, PS3. The SW said that maybe he was using it as an escape, which I agree is an element. The FC said he didn't play a lot but this is not what we saw at intros or what SW think, as our match was based on the fact they thought we'd be able to get them outside and busy. We have been letting him play a fair bit as want to give him time and make him feel comfortable . We have started putting some boundaries in place telling him in the morning when he can play, which is in between meal times and 2 daily activities and he is responding quite well, as he is trying very hard to please. I just find him exhausting as he won't eat much because he wants to get more time, even when I say he has to wait until we have all finished or give him certain amounts to eat. He moans the whole time we are out that he wants to get back to play.
We are in such early days I feel so bad that this is annoying us already, I'm quite prepared that this could last a long time but I was wondering whether I should talk to him about it now and put more boundaries in place or whether it's really way too soon and we should just focus on building attachments, but I guess we find it hard when he wants to stare at a screen all day!
He is very controlling and manipulative and has to win, which is expected given his age and circumstance and you can see how hard he is trying to 'keep happy' when he doesn't. He is such a lovely kid who has been through a lot. I fel bad feeling like this and I think it's just the culture shock.
Hmmmm bit of a ramble but feels better to get it off my chest.
Oh god, now feeling terribly guilty for posting this. It's 6 days in! It will be fine. He's reverting to his safe place and testing us. Once we can get to school and clubs etc. I know it will be fine. I just need to chill out. I'm just tired. All will be fine. Sorry x
I know how you feel, I'm 2 weeks in with my boy . and it feels like we've been doing this for months and i have to keep reminding myself that it's only been 2 weeks. it's difficult when you've have school-aged children as you can't get in to a real routine until they're at school.
Just wanted to say your not alone and Thank you for posting this has made me feel a lot better. x
Hmm it's tough. We went cold turkey with all screens for a few weeks just to break the habit but your lo is older so it won't be so easy. I would definitely put some boundaries in place e.g. your phone is out of bounds. It seems as if he may need clearer boundaries than it being between activities if he is rushing or not enjoying those activities as he is thinking about the screen. Maybe each day depending on what other plans you have, agree a time (or two) e.g. between 4 and 5 pm. Or tell him he has 1 hour screen time a day and he can have it all at once or in small chunks and after that it is over. This may take some getting used to for him if he is used to freer use but it should stop the screens being so dominant and hopefully he will stop thinking about them all the time. Good luck, this is unfortunately a really common problem with kids today but for us it is even harder as we cannot set the rules from the beginning!
Oh thank you, thank you so much. Feel so much better for not being alone. X x x
I havent any different advice from what's been said above - but wanted to say don't ever feel guilty for feeling how you do. The great thing about these pages is the wonderful support we get, and that we can be honest.
Those first few days/weeks are tough. I remember wondering what on Earth we had done. So don't apologise - it's hard. And don't be afraid to post.
Must remember we are the parents, think one of the best things too do is change the security settings of your service provider, this will give all complete control. We do this put us in control, Kids have too request access works well., they except it grown up with it, no social media and such like until they are of age. Lots of book's reference reading etc. Great benefits later in that they have a wider range of knowledge of accessing information and presentation.
The first weeks are tough. Mine were nearly 8 and 2 when placed. I think it got easier after about 3 months!
I would be tempted to restrict further, though I really don't know if that would be right or not. I do think Jameme makes a lot of sense.
My DDs used to ask for TV 'when we get home'. I got fed up and started saying that if they ask for it while we are still out enjoying ourselves then the answer will be 'no'.
I agree a time limit for the day may work better. But you may well need all your energy to occupy him otherwise, as he may have little imagination to think of things for himself.
It will get easier - promise!
We had similar thing with TV and my iPad in early days. The answer was consistently no to the iPad requests and they stopped after a few days. With TV, we'd plan a schedule for the day and allocate say 3 episodes of his favourite programme. He could choose when he watched them (within reason, obv not at meal time etc) then we would change to another activity.
This gradually relaxed over time. There were some days we just needed a break and it was what kept us sane!!
The first few weeks are really tough. Don't feel guilty for how you feel. I didn't like my son for the first few months. I feel terrible saying that because now, my heart aches I love him so much, genuinely enjoy his company and I can look back on those early weeks with a different view.
Take one day at a time was the best advice we had.
Drink eat x
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