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Looks like DS is going to get an assessment by EP - meeting tomorrow

(20 Posts)
Kewcumber Mon 19-Jan-15 18:16:33

The inclusion manager rang me today - they're going to talk about it tomorrow but at the very least she'll probably do an initial consultation with me and DS's teacher and maybe some observation in class.

I have been keen to get him assessed because I think the school need a piece of paper telling them they are allowed to handle him a different way.

But now that it's got this far, there's a part of me that doesn't want someone to tell me that my lovely boy is anything other than perfect.

LastingLight Mon 19-Jan-15 19:47:42

Kew, whatever they tell you, he will still be perfect. Even those who are perfect sometimes need a little bit of help navigating life.

PelicanBriefs Mon 19-Jan-15 19:51:38

Yy to what Lastinglight said. Your boy is perfect. It may turn out that the school are not understanding or supporting him perfectly, and need a shove in the right direction. I totally understand about wanting it and not wanting it though wine

Littlefish Mon 19-Jan-15 19:53:09

Sending you lots of love Kew. I'm available on FB messenger if it would help to chat it through with a teacher who is not involved.

Kewcumber Mon 19-Jan-15 20:43:59

Thanks all. He does need some extra help/different handling and my experience is that you seem to just adjust when you're a parent but schools need more direction.

He has so much potential and so little self esteem and certain teachers have handled him so badly at times that the situation escalated badly last year so I think I really need a label for him to give the school something to work with. They have been keen at one stage to "diagnose" him with ADHD which I think is completely wrong - in fact I even asked other parents who have had him over to play and they all looked completely amazed. At least with an EP involved it will stop all the amateur diagnoses based only on things they come across before.

Thanks for the offer Littlefish - I doubt anything will happen for a few weeks yet (based on the fact that its taken almost a year to get to this point)but I might take you up on that.

We appear to qualify for pupil premium plus too (contrary to previous reports) so we could also have some money to spend which would be good news.

Italiangreyhound Mon 19-Jan-15 20:48:46

I agree with LastingLight all our little ones are so different, perfect but in need of expert help, as are some (most) of us - I expect!

I hope it goes well.

Be strong, I know you will be.

Kewcumber Tue 03-Feb-15 08:29:55

SO it's my 50th birthday today and for my birthday I will be......

.... attending a meeting with school EP about DS! It is a kind of a present really!

sarahlux Tue 03-Feb-15 08:59:31

Good luck

TheWildRumpyPumpus Tue 03-Feb-15 09:19:48

Happy birthday Kew! And good luck with the assessment.

grassroots Tue 03-Feb-15 09:22:35

Happy Birthday!

slkk Tue 03-Feb-15 09:56:35

Hope it's not disappointing. Good luck and happy birthday.

LastingLight Tue 03-Feb-15 13:24:48

Happy birthday! I hope the meeting goes well.

KristinaM Tue 03-Feb-15 17:32:52

Different is good . None of our kids would be with us if we were just " ordinary " parents.

If you weren't deranged different enough to spend months in Kazakhstan , along with your elderly sick mother, then your DD would still be in an internat. You were crazy enough to fight the bureaucracy for him then and you will be fine with this.

I agree that in an ideal world, the school wouldn't need a label, they could just treat him as an individual. But not all teachers or schools are this clever - so they need a little piece of paper to tell them that it's OK.

Think of it as his " get out of jail free " card. We have two for our DS who is the same age - we've only needed one so far as his school is great, but we might need to play the other during the transition to high school .

But then we are a whole big family of weird people , so he fits in just fine here .

Kewcumber Tue 03-Feb-15 23:27:30

Well what a day!

EP is a trainee but (without much to base it on) I have to say I think she could potentially be very good. I say this mostly I think because she agreed with me 100% grin and told me I was marvelous (I may be paraphrasing a tad) and that I'd done exactly the right things. She followed it up with a few observations based on what I and his teacher had said in the meeting which summed up DS to a tee.

She thinks (a bit like me) that his attachment is probably pretty good and will assess his executive processing but agrees that his biggest issue is around anxiety - named a few types of anxiety that children have and said that DS pretty much all the boxes of all of them!

She thinks CBT may be the way to go for the anxiety issues and potentially may recommend additional things if the executive processing assessment shows any issues there.

She said that school may have to go through CAHMS (who have a wating list of several months) to get CBT for him as she had limited time available for the school and her supervisor needed to prioritise where her time would be most useful.

Inclusion manager and I both at that point got into a hard sell about how receptive he would be and how able he was to engage with therapy as he is remarkably emotionally mature...

Several really good things came out of it:

From what his teacher and the inclusion manager said they actually understand him pretty well and have admitted that they just can't find something which works for him. They have tried a behaviour management diary (type thing) with rewards attached and said he is the only child they've ever come across who said "No thanks" to the rewards and is doing it without! EP said some children are actually more motivated by wanting to do the right thing and feeling good about themselves than any external rewards (even after all this time he has the ability to surprise me). SO I'm happy that the school undertsand and are very very receptive to whatever EP suggests.

EP said very firmly to inclusion manager that if nothing else cam eout of this that he had to have a differentiated behaviour plan ie NO MORE TIME OUT! YAYYY! This was in response to me telling her about DS's "dream" of everyone dying and leaving him with people who hate him.

Then I got an email at 5ish - saying EP could do CBT starting with an assessment tomorrow then 8 1hr sessions weekly.

AND THEN we went out for a swanky meal at a hotel and saw Mathilda for my birthday which was fab and DS was fab and it was all very wonderful and being 50 has been pretty fantastic so far.

And throwing caution to the winds ( I can hear Kristina frowning from here...)

blossom101001 Tue 03-Feb-15 23:34:37

Kew - we almost share the same bday...I am tomorrow but due to kids overly excited about DS1's birthday, I am not celebrating mine it will be too much!

But I am so happy for you about the feedback from EP. We have a whole battery of assessments coming up. Let's see what comes from them!

KristinaM Tue 03-Feb-15 23:40:25

I'm glad it all went so well.

You don't look a day over 40 wink

And that boy gets more handsome each time I see him

YouAreMyRain Tue 03-Feb-15 23:43:04

Wow! What a great day Kew! And what a great outcome from the EP! Happy birthday toothanks

I know what you mean about wanting him to be perfect,( I cry every time I hear professionals describing DDs difficulties), he may not be "perfect" when judged against other people's criteria, but he's "perfect" for you, and you for him.

slkk Tue 03-Feb-15 23:50:51

This sounds like a fantastic meeting, Kew and what great news that they are starting the process tomorrow! I've never heard of a reaction this quick. I hope it helps your son and he is able to develop coping strategies so he is in a better place before secondary. We are just starting down this road looking for ehcp but school denying issues a bit...
And Matilda is fantastic. We went as a last night out before introductions this summer and I can't wait til lo is big enough so we can go again.
What a great birthday!

LastingLight Wed 04-Feb-15 06:37:21

That's fantastic Kew! And I love the pic of you and DS.

slkk Wed 04-Feb-15 09:30:53

I saw this and thought of you and your ds.

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