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should i apologise

(9 Posts)
OurMiracle1106 Sun 18-Jan-15 20:39:27

I sent an email almost a year ago to my birth sons father when he told Me he was going to contest. I now wonder if I was too harsh.

Its edited of my sons name but nothing else.

The question you need to ask yourself Is what are you reasons for contesting? Because you selfishly want miracle with you? Or because you actually think miracle Is unhappy being where he is? Being a parent means putting your child first and though it has been the most heartbreaking and guy wrenching decision I have ever had to make I truly do believe that I Couldn't offer miracle more than he is already getting. He has a mum and dad who love him very much. I know because I have met them. He Is doing well. He is settled and happy and you want to take him from that why? For him? Because if you honestly think its for him you are deluding yourself. If you cared about miracle when social services offered you contact you would have taken it. Just like I did. I was there. Every single step of the way. Every single heart breaking moment. And I held it together for miracle because that's what a proper parent does. You maybe his biological father but he probably wouldn't even recognise you. And that Is down to you. Repeatedly you asked for contact. A contact centre was arranged and you couldn't be bothered. Same with mediation. Same with social services offering it.

I can promise you this miracle Is either going home with the adopters with my full backing or coming home with me. If I have to contest so he comes home with me I will. I have a wide support network. A stable home. I've done a year of therapy. I have doctors. Therapist. Friends all to back and support me but I know I can't give miracle what he needs. He needs a family. A mum and dad. And I certainly can't offer him more than his mum and dad can.

And as for my mum she would understand my reasons for my decision and support Me just like those around Me are doing.

Maybe for you this is just another way of control over Me. You are sorely mistaken. You had every chance in ****** to be a dad but cocaine always came before us

I look back and think maybe I should have been more gentle. However he didn't contest as a result of that email.

OurMiracle1106 Sun 18-Jan-15 20:43:47

Sorry that was long. blush

Tobagostreet Sun 18-Jan-15 20:53:28

No, I don't think you should apologise.

If your email was the trigger to help him realise that he was contesting for the wrong reasons, then it was right and just for you to be so honest.

You made a selfless decision to give your DS the life you couldn't at that time offer him.

Sounds like you're the one due an apology from your ExP.


Hels20 Sun 18-Jan-15 21:09:41

Miracle - why are you having doubts? From the limited I know of your story, it sounds truthful. I wouldn't worry if it was harsh (can't judge - but in your situation I wouldnt care if it was harsh if it was truthful). This is your son you are talking about. You are entitled to be direct.

Good grief - in your situation - I expect my email would have been ten times harder.

Don't look back. You are doing so well - however painful life might be for you at times.

YouAreMyRain Sun 18-Jan-15 21:17:45

You have nothing to apologise for, it's calm, factual and rational (which is more than I can say for the angry text I have just sent my XH blush)

You sound so lovely, every time I read your posts on here I want to hug you. You are such a strong person and have made such a difficult but selfless choice for your miracle .

crackerjack00 Sun 18-Jan-15 21:21:53

Nope. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for in that email.

You weren't aggressive, abusive or unfair.

You were factual, strong, assertive.

There is a world of difference.

Italiangreyhound Sun 18-Jan-15 21:58:48

No need to apologise Miracle. Just concentrate on your life and getting it going the way you want it to.

Kewcumber Mon 19-Jan-15 10:12:47

Another vote here for "No apology necessary".

What would you be apologising for?

I'm sorry I didn't mean it. (yes you did!)
I'm sorry I was unkind (no you were honest)
I'm sorry I was unreasonable (no you were reasonable)

If you feel the urge to apologise try...
I'm sorry you are an arse
I'm sorry that I thought you could be reasoned with

Rain - if your text comprises anything similar to my last two suggestions then it gets my vote.

We aren't obliged to treat the adults in our life as if they were children and need protecting from their own actions and cushioned form the harsh realities that they have caused.

Sometimes you know that what you sat/write/text isn't going to have any effect except to make you feel better. But thats a good enough reason for me.

Kewcumber Mon 19-Jan-15 10:13:31

SAT?! said

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