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Child's social worker visiting!

(15 Posts)
Nonnimouse Wed 07-Jan-15 09:51:46

Ooooooh my god. We have a LOs social worker, family finder AND foster carer visiting us next week and I'm absolutely terrified! They are coming around 10 in the morning, should I have any food/treats for them at that sort of time?
I'm also really worried about matching panel if they say yes to the link, as you may remember we had quite a hard time of it with approval panel (no from panel, overturned by the decision maker.) How likely is that to happen again at matching panel?
I am just so anxious about it, we've had several potential links since approval but every one of them we knew there were things "not right" with, this LO is just perfect for us...

PelicanBriefs Wed 07-Jan-15 11:43:47

I would just give them a drink, but then I'm a bit jaded of offering SWs stuff, and probably at your stage I had a plate of biscuits in the room. They almost never eat them though grin

Breathe. If all three of them are coming to see you, they are interested in you as a very real potential family. So I know it's impossible to be calm, but just try and be yourself. You have been through a lot, and that's a testament to your commitment. Personally I had an easy ride at approval panel, then a tougher one at matching, but everyone else in my prep group found it the other way round - so surely you're owed a straightforward panel! We'll be thinking of you!

Kazza299 Wed 07-Jan-15 11:46:28

Aw brilliant that you have potentially found a LO. In my experience this meeting with family finder, FC and SW was the best meeting we had as it was so much more informal that the meetings that come next - information sharing and introductions planning. It is the only time I felt we got honest answers rather than the 'right' answers. I wish I'd known that at that point as I'd have pushed to find out even more. Part of me was thinking "oh I'll ask that next time" or "I don't need to know that just yet" I WISH I had as didn't get many answers after that and I told the panel so!!!!
I don't know your story but from my understanding if you are approved to adopt they can't go over those things again. They have to accept that. This panel is about you being right for the child. In our experience they grilled the social worker MUCH more than us. "Have you done this?" (No) "have you done that" (no) Then asked how we felt at the lack of information they were sensing. I told them I wished I knew more but that you can never know how it would be with you and it didn't stop me wanting the boys. They seemed happy with that. Meet our boys tomorrow!

2old2beamum Wed 07-Jan-15 12:32:18

Good luck Nonnimouse I am sure you will be fine. They will not waste their time so they must be confident.
Just throw a drink at them (preferably non alcoholic grin) and a packet of biscuits.

myfallingstar Wed 07-Jan-15 12:48:36

I wouldn't say treats but tea /coffie and biscuits

morethanpotatoprints Wed 07-Jan-15 12:54:56

Goo luck OP, just remember if the matching panel don't agree it will be in the interest of the child. I know this is hard, but far better to get a good match.

I agree with tea, and biscuits. you needn't go to too much trouble to make your house sterile neither as obviously they need to see that a childs mess would be welcome and you don't have a show house.

Can't help you anymore as my experience is limited, but wishing you the best
Good luck thanks

dimples76 Wed 07-Jan-15 16:37:33

Best of luck.

Yes, I would not worry too much about refreshments. I made a cake and no one ate it! I think one of the differences with the matching panel is that it's not just your sw (and manager/2nd opinion) but three sws (and I think normally their managers) who would be endorsing the match (if it goes ahead).

As Kazza said remember that this meeting is your opportunity to ask questions. I was expecting to be asked loads of questions at my linking meeting but then found it was really all about me asking questions. They didn't ask me anything really - which unsettled me as it wasn't what
I had anticipated.

wonderpants Wed 07-Jan-15 17:56:33

I'm a greedy foster carer, and I would love something like a Danish or a biscuit with my cup of tea!
But I do note it is usually only me that tucks in at these things!
Good luck, hope it goes well!

Kewcumber Wed 07-Jan-15 19:14:10

Have some buns in. You can throw them if they aren't nice to you.

KristinaM Wed 07-Jan-15 19:59:18

They won't eat cake in case they make a mess. So tea /coffee and non messy cake /biscuits /small buns

I'd have a pad of paper and make notes . Sets the tone that it's a business like meeting. Keeps you focused and stops you talking too much . Unless you are a naturally quiet oerson -I tend to waffle when I'm nervous

You want them to do the talking . Ask them open ended questions . Make sure they are " decision critical " issues ie things that affect your decision whether the child is right for you

That might be developmental delays , contact or family background issues . Definitely ask about the legal situation

Don't ask about routines, food, toys ( unless the child has serious problem in one of these areas ) - you can meet with the FC later and find out all this stuff

Asking intelligent questions is the way to impress them, not telling them how great you are ( not suggesting you would, unless you work in sales or marketing ) .

Ask about the childs needs and what kind of family they think would be best for him .

Don't do a lot of emotional gushing about how hard your journey to adoption has been and how much you really really want this child and his birthday is the same as your granny's so it's meant to be . Blah blah blah . It's not the X factor , it's not therapy , it's a job interview .

Kewcumber Wed 07-Jan-15 21:54:02

Or what Kristina said...

MinceSpy Wed 07-Jan-15 22:00:15

Quick flick with duster and hoover. Offer tea and bickys, then relax. Fingers and toes crossed for you.

scarlet5tyger Wed 07-Jan-15 22:03:28

I'm with Wonderpants - I love to be offered food! Us FCs often travel a long way for these first meetings with prospective adopters, and then have a long journey back. Social workers don't like to stop for breaks so it can be hours before we get anything more substantial than a cup of tea.

Don't spend hours cleaning - it only highlights what a mess our own houses are in!

Be aware that FCs are usually prepped not to mention anything negative about the child (something I strongly disapprove and disagree with). If you sense the FC is biting their lip then press further!

FC will most likely be as nervous as you.

I'd be a bit bemused to see a prospective adopter taking notes though tbh, and I've met more than my fair share! And a very quiet prospective adopter would actually set my alarm bells ringing...

Hope I haven't confused you more! Good luck!

KristinaM Wed 07-Jan-15 22:22:09

Sorry scarlet, I was assuming that the SWs and FC were reasonably local .

Of course if they have a 3 hour round trip and a 2 hour meeting , a sandwich and some fruit would be nice. You don't want them to starve. But neither do you want to feel under pressure to play hostess when the stakes are so high and you are very nervous of doing or saying something wrong

You must have a much better memory than me if you never need to take notes ! grin

Italiangreyhound Wed 07-Jan-15 22:48:02

Good luck Nonnimouse.

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