We are both 43 and have been married since university. We have two girls, 6 and 3. We have both worked part time so that one parent is always there. Have done the strong attachment thing (I only mention this as I believe it has relevance) We have always wanted a larger family (I had our first at 37 after a battle/surgery with endometriosis) but also want to help another child/children and so are in the process of thinking about adoption and or fostering. Adoption appeals to me simply because of the lifetime relationship that is established and my thinking on how it might fit with our family. I realise I may sound naive and gauche when I say this. Foster parenting can also have these elements.
I guess what I am saying is that I am starting this journey now, but before I go in head first I’d like to hear your views about whether this is a non-starter. Of course, there are many other ways to help children.
I may also lose my job this year and would be very happy to be a SAHP. My husband would go back full time
Definitely not too old. In fact you might find yourself to be pretty much of an average age for adoption.
You need to be aware also of the implications of the ages of your birth children. We started the process when our BC was three - however, we talked to many different agencies/LAs, and about half of them said we would have to wait until our BC was 4, or even 5. We did find three agencies who were willing to take us on without waiting, however in the year since then, things have changed considerably again; with only half as many placement orders coming through (which means that a judge decides that a child should indeed be adopted, rather than e.g. go to long-term FC, or reunited with birth family) - so agencies now have more waiting prospective adopters than waiting children, and hence can afford to be very picky when deciding who to assess. So what I am saying is, you may encounter difficulties in finding an agency willing to assess you, due to your children's ages, rather than due to your own age! But it never hurts to ask around. And if you do have to wait for a bit, it would give you a great opportunity to become more familiar with the adoption landscape, what kind of issues adopted children tend to come with, how families with BC and AC work, etc.
Definitely not! I just turned 42 last week and we have matching panel next week. It's a fact that a lot of couples turn to adoption after a period of infertility and sometimes fertility treatment which generally means that a large proportion of prospective adopters are in their 40's
thank you so much. as it happens we are moving house and I'd want to let the dust (literally, as we are extending as well) to settle before doing anything, but I wanted to have a year long proper hard think and research. But didn't want to go through the disappointment that we'd be write-offs before we started. Thanks!
Hi boggis, I was 46 and dp 48 when we adopted a 10 month old baby. Like you, we had a young birth child and I think that helps convince social workers that you are physically capable of running around after another one (though I'm knackered now!).
Best of luck with your journey; hope we can help you along the way.
Hi boggis no you are not too old. I was 65 and DH was 62 when our youngest was 3years 9months was placed with us. We were not actively looking to adopt but could not say no. However our youngest DS was placed with us aged 5 when I was 60 who we did apply for!! Door is now locked and letterbox sealed.
It is good you are taking it carefully I wish you all the best of luck
I'm 49 and ds was placed with us this year after an adoption process of just under 2 years, 1 year to be approved and 8 months to be matched, so I was 47 when I started, (having thought about it for a long time). You are s spring chicken compared to me! Go for it, if you want to.
If you are planning to adopt or even to foster then realise that there is a long process first of being interviewed/inspected and even then, you may not always be successful.
I talk from experience, when in our forties, we tried fostering our niece - sadly Social Service took the view that our relationship with her parents was too unsettling so she was adopted away from the family - not our original intention.
handcream no they are not related to us or each other. However all our adopted children have special needs and the youngest 2 also have complex medical needs. Must admit we were totally gobsmacked when we were contacted by SS as we were not looking to adopt again but I think they were desperate. She like all the rest is a star.