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Surname when registering child in school

(11 Posts)
Kazza299 Sun 30-Nov-14 17:23:55

Fingers crossed our 2 DS, that we are now matched with - yay!, will be moving in after christmas. It has been decided that they will start school part time the week before February half term and full time, all being well, afterwards.
Being in education myself, I know that children can be 'known as' even if they have a different legal surname. Was looking for advice with how people have handled this before adoption order. Both DS's have different surnames currently and was kind of hoping we could all have the same. However, I'm not sure if it will be too soon for chn to think of themselves with our surname or if they will want to at all.

Jamfilter Sun 30-Nov-14 17:57:10

If they are old enough to be in school, are they old enough to choose? It might be too much to ask them, I appreciate, but they may well have a view. I think (if no security issues) I would register them at school without any additional "known as" surname, and just have a discussion about changing it when you get the AO. Their friends are unlikely to even notice, and the teachers will take it in their stride, so the whole question is: what do your boys want? They might want strongly to take your name, or they might feel very uncertain and prefer to keep the same one they're familiar with during a time when everything else is changing.

gymmommy Sun 30-Nov-14 18:48:25

Congrats Kazza. We used known as when DC started nursery in a school. Legally we had to use it as all school paperwork had to have legal surname. Well that's what school said. It wasn't a problem as only the office had legal surname. Although DC did come home one day asking if they had another name so assume someone had used birth surname by accident. We also had to have permission from SW. DC is only little though, as Jam says if they are older might be other things to think about. Good luck with the moving in smile

blossom101001 Sun 30-Nov-14 18:50:08

My boys are known as my last name at school even though SIMS has it as their legal name. The boys have been with me for 3 months and they are happy with this. I prefer his because kids do pick up on things (and parents that help at the school) and I do not think the kids need to explain their name change when it does come.

Lilka Sun 30-Nov-14 19:13:29

They need to be officially registered in their birth surname, but with my DD1 I asked that she be called by my surname in class, because that was clearly her preference (to avoid awkward questions later). With DD2 it happened later, when she was ready to embrace being an 'X' - so it was very child personal.

TrinnyandSatsuma Sun 30-Nov-14 20:59:41

Our son joined us a term into his reception year. He knew his surname and we registered him for school with this name.

After a few months we started to discuss the question of surnames....in a kind of "maybe one day you might like to take our surname...." Dropping into conversation. We let it sink in for a few days and he asked if he could change his name. He started the new term with his new surname, he was very proud of it, it was really sweet. Because of his age, we felt he needed to claim his new name, rather than us impose it.

School were great, very understanding and kept his official birth name, but only for the official records. Everything else had his new name on, so that was the only one he saw. We now have adoption order and it's official :-)

We took same approach with calling us mummy and daddy, he did this in his own time.

Not saying this is the approach that will work for every case of course, just sharing how it worked for us. Hope that helps a bit.

Huge congratulations on the match smile

TrinnyandSatsuma Sun 30-Nov-14 21:30:39

P.S. In the meantime, we did Loads of claiming activities with him, referred to him as our son etc.

Kazza299 Sun 30-Nov-14 21:52:23

Thanks very much for your advice. Will obviously register in birth names and see what they would like when we eventually meet them. I think I was thinking about the 'changing it down the line thing'
trinnyandsatsuma I would be very interested in these 'claiming activities' could you tell me some more or refer me to a book perhaps.
Many thanks all x

TrinnyandSatsuma Mon 01-Dec-14 19:29:01

Some of the things that I can remember we did to claim him included -

- Talking about how we waited for him and chose him. This is now a story we tell to each other.
- Photos of days out etc, clearly displayed around the house. We made a big deal of choosing them, putting them in a frame, reminiscing about things we have done etc.
- We made hand print painting of all our hands together and each signed it. Canvas came from Dunelm Mill, they are great!
- Developed expressions and little sayings that are unique to our family, but also give him messages about what we value and believe it. Things like talking about worries, team work, being kind and considerate etc.
- Terms of endearment that are personal to us
- Before he was calling us Mummy and Daddy, we talked about being his forever family, him being our son etc.
- Helping him choose things for his bedroom
- Stuff with his name on, name on his bedroom door, etc
- Pics he had painted or drawn, pinned up at work, then we took a photo to show our desks with these on

Sure there are more, but these are the ones I can remember

Jameme Mon 01-Dec-14 22:10:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Italiangreyhound Wed 03-Dec-14 17:36:36

We told the school our son's birth names but also what he would be called once formally adopted and the school always used his name within our family.

For medical things we used his birth names until formally adopted. Some confusion with dh as he forgot and used DS new name with hospital, which made them a bit confused!

For everything else, local toddler group etc, just used his name as it would be after adoption was formalised.

Good luck Kazza

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