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DD in tears over FC

(8 Posts)
UnderTheNameOfSanders Tue 25-Nov-14 06:57:14

Father Christmas, not Foster Carers.

ADD2 is 10, and has finally realised that FC is pretend.
tbh I thought she had 'got' this much earlier this year, but obviously she has forgotten. But thanks to a friend in school ...

She was in tears last night 'Why to adults lie to children?' 'Everything is pretend'. She threw all her much-loved cuddly toys out of her bed 'they're not real'.

What makes it worse for me, is I never really wanted to go with the whole FC thing. But AD1 arrived believing, and everyone else telling her stuff, I just didn't disabuse her. I should have been stronger. We have generally downplayed, with only stockings miraculously appearing, all other presents clearly labelled etc, but still.

As an aside, if you've had a school aged child placed this year ( Italian et al) please check what they are expecting to happen. DD1's experience in FC was very different to how we do Christmas (for a start she had a giant present from that Santa person)

mummytime Tue 25-Nov-14 19:38:51

hug
Is there anything else where you "pretend" you can compare it to? I remember going to Disney with a 7 and 5 year old, and telling the 7 year old that we "pretended" Micky etc. were real, as a game especially for the 5 year old. The same happens at the Panto, or even to a lesser extent plays, puppets, films etc. (Or Dr Who, where we used to watch the making of show to make it less scarey.)

My DC all seemed to know FC was pretend, but then begin to re-believe at Christmas (and I'm afraid we still track him on Norad).

CAtOutOfHell Tue 25-Nov-14 20:27:22

parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/no-longer-believing-in-santa/?_r=0

Sorry to intrude - I'm a lurker-not-yet-ready-to-poster, but thought this might be adaptable in someway?

Italiangreyhound Tue 25-Nov-14 21:04:07

Oh Sanders I am sorry. I can't offer advice as my dd (also 10) believes in him.

Ds (4) thinks he brings all the presents, I have said not!

In our house he bring one present, eats a mince pie (in future a diabetic biscuit), drinks a glass of milk (he's driving you know!) and his reindeer eats a carrot and tramps on the roof with his hooves!

Seriously, Sanders I guess she needs to know all the other stuff she believed in your house, forever family, love, pride etc is real. And it is. So nice she gets over the shock of this try working (as I know you already are) on reassuring her about that and explaining the Santa story as a nice thing for little kids but more new and exciting things await a big 10 year old girl and can be enjoyed, staying up later, helping make the Christmas cake, whatever you and she like to do. It's hard but you will, I know, cope with it.

Italiangreyhound Tue 25-Nov-14 21:05:23

So once not so nice!

UnderTheNameOfSanders Wed 26-Nov-14 09:33:47

Thank you all.
She was still a bit discombobulated last night, not helped at all by the fact she is struggling in school in so many ways (I am even toying with HE though I don't think it's the solution).
We'll get through it, but she shuts people out a bit when upset so it is hard to comfort her.

mummytime Wed 26-Nov-14 12:49:08

This is a tough age. Year 5 to year 9 is when the nasty stuff tends to happen, especially with girls - boys still seem to rub along with less politics. Hormones can also start to hit. Girls can at 10 be at very different stages of development in every kind of way (some are still playing princesses, to others worrying about make up etc.).
Consistency, calm and space are often the basics.

But do make sure that school do not sweep things under the carpet - it took years for me to get my DDs school to admit she didn't really have any friends.

Mama1980 Wed 26-Nov-14 14:06:10

I'm sorry she's having such a hard time. I don't have much advice, my children don't really believe, but they pretend to sometimes.
However I did take my eldest adopted dd out of school for a couple of years following her placement with me, and have home ed my birth 6 year old son always. I intend to do so with my 2 youngest, one adopted one birth. So if this a option your thinking of I'd be happy to tell you my experiences if it would help.

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