Very few people have commented on the fact my son does not look very much like me. Interestingly some who have are people who are married or in a relationship with someone of a different ethnic group. They have mixed heritage children and in some cases do not look a great deal like their children either.
Interestingly, I have now realised that when anyone does comment on looks, or any other aspect of our family which raises questions, I do not need to join the dots for people (and say he is adopted). So I don't need to tell people why my son doesn't look a lot like me. I can just wait quietly while the person who made the comment allows their brain to whirr and then they might acknowledge that not all kids look like their parents at all.
I've learnt (as a huge extrovert who finds it hard to keep quiet!) that keeping quiet in some situations is the best thing. I can answer a direction or indirect question with a very non-committal sound, like 'mmmmm' or 'uummm', and give a bit of silence. Maybe this implies 'I am not keen to answer/willing to answer/not interested in answering' etc without actually giving a correct answer, and without lying and without saying 'don't be so rude as to ask!'
For me this works best because I don't like to be rude, even if the questioner is being (and actually sometimes people are not necessarily being rude, they are just speaking what is on their mind and actually a bit interested, as I am in other people's lives!).
This approach has evolved over the last few months after our son joined us and I realised that my usual 'tell all/be open' approach would not work since I was no longer just talking about myself.
As my son takes his place in our family as very much a given, and never seems to doubt it (for which I am very grateful) I do not want to bring his adoption into everyday conversations, and I do not want people who do not know - or need to know - to know!)
So just wanted to share and ask if anyone else had discovered this and how liberating it is?
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
I don't need to join the dots for people - anyone else discovered this and how liberating it is!
Italiangreyhound · 19/11/2014 12:50
trafficjam 
, for "he doesn't look like you, does he look more like his dad"...
Ummm,
hmmmmmm,
Oh don't you think so?
Well whoever he looks like, he is gorgeous
Yeh he doesn't look like me
Oh don't you think so, not even a bit (cheeky smile)
Oh but doesn't he look cute
Rinse and repeat!
Barbadosgirl 
DD does look a bit like me, but has exactly the same feet as me and my mum. So if we get into these conversations I say this - which both gives enough detail that people are satisfied but also a bit more than they were expecting and they tend not to ask further 
I remember once a random in the street coming up to my DM and saying to her how different me & my (adopted) Dsis looked and wasn't it funny how my sister looked so much like DM and I looked nothing like her. My DM gave her a huuuummmm response I was furious and in the car demanded to know why she hadn't corrected the lady (in my defence I was quite young) DM said "it's none of her bloody business"
I woudl just say
" gosh you're right, I've never noticed but she is quite small < feigned shock > Maybe we need to feed her more "
And I'd teach my kids to tell these random people that they are starved
But then I am just evil
I was once asked how tall DS's father was (I am a single adopter) and replied "I don't know" and followed up with "it was dark"
Though in all seriousness I wished I had learned earlier to keep my mouth shut more.
Kew you could also have made a quip about everyone being the same height when they are lying down!! Which is true and totally irrelevant anyway!
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