Kew recently I posted about not ‘joining the dots’ for people who ask questions or make statements where one answer could be ‘My son is adopted’. That is, not saying it at all. And not feeling the need to e.g. ‘Your son doesn’t look much like you.’
This is what I would advise new adopters....
You don't need to tell people why your new daughter or son doesn't look a lot like you or your husband/wife/partner. You don't need to explain why they were not at last year's toddler's party or why they joined the school year half way through. If people ask questions and have lots of 'dots' in their head you do not need to join their dots!
Lots of people talk because they hate silence want to hear their own voice, want to make connections with you and their lives or simply do not know how not to talk. As an extrovert chatterer I am a bit like this too! But everyday people do not need to know all about you and your family. So if people ask things you do not want to answer you can just wait quietly while the person, who made the comment or asked the question, allows their brain to whirr and then they may find they do not need an answer!
I've learnt (as a huge extrovert who finds it hard to keep quiet!) that keeping quiet in some situations is the best thing. I can answer a direction or indirect question with a very non-committal sound, like 'mmmmm' or 'uummm', and give a bit of silence. Maybe this implies 'I am not keen to answer/willing to answer/not interested in answering' etc without actually giving a correct answer, and without lying and without saying 'don't be so rude as to ask!'
For me this works best because I don't like to be rude, even if the questioner is being (and actually sometimes people are not necessarily being rude, they are just speaking what is on their mind and actually a bit interested, as I am in other people's lives!).
This approach has evolved over the last few months after our son joined us and I realised that my usual 'tell all/be open' approach would not work since I am no longer just talking about myself.
As my son takes his place in our family as very much a given, and never seems to doubt it (for which I am very grateful) I do not want to bring his adoption into everyday conversations, and I do not want people who do not know - or do not need to know - to know!