I was contacted by my birth father after no contact for 9 years at age of 15 (around the age you get a fb account nowadays, well maybe a couple of years earlier) completely out of the blue at a time of GCSE exams etc. This was not a good time for me, it was not structured and it was not helpful to me AT ALL, it messed with my head. Had he bothered to go down a more official route with my mother he would have known this. As a smart kid in the end I told him to leave me alone. I sought him out at 21, at a time when I was old enough, not going through important life changes, not hormonal and understood an adults perspective on why I was left, because no matter how much you think you do as a teenager, you don't. Him contacting me through improper means was selfish and quite frankly about his emotions and his need to contact me, if he was dying I would have understood, but otherwise contact should be done when in the child's best interests and in an appropriate manner which facebook is 100% not. Facebook is not appropriate for many things, teachers to contact pupils, bosses to contact staff and certainly not this.
Now, as an adoptive parent, I fully support contact via letterbox etc. in fact I've started ours before we are officiallly supposed to, to help birth family and I will commit to it 100% in the years to come for my children's sake and I will be encouraging them, should the want to, to meet birth parents after their school years. I would like to say that this will not be for the birth parents sake, as much as I empathise with them, but for my child's benefit. EVERYTHING should be done with the child in mind and I'm sorry Blueandpink for everything you are going through right now but your response to the post is with you in mind, your heartache at your loss, not what is in best interests for child. This was talking about specifically the inappropriateness of facebook not preventing contact between BP's and children.
Nearly all children are not removed as babies, it is toddlers, when the harm has been shown and so you are speaking to an audience who is not in the same boat. As I read your post I am considerate of the fact you are going through so much pain right now that we are receiving an emotional response, but in return I would ask you to be considerate of others and their situations who come here for support. There are some amazing birth parents who whenever I read their posts I have nothing but respect for mainly because they are so considerate of their child's needs, they can actually help when it comes to us AP's improving contact letters etc. and I think people on here can also give them some support in return.
I wish you all the best in finding peace.
....and as for facebook? grrr.....