Hello
Please could someone take the time to read this and give advice. I know its long but I am just stuck and feeling hopeless at the moment and I would be really grateful for it.
So im 18 at university and 21 weeks pregnant from an abusive brief relationship, he doesn't want anything to do with the baby. For many many reasons including financial issues emotional issues and personal issues I have decided I want to give my child up for adoption, I want my child to have two parents a loving family home and all the opportunities I never had as a child I do love him but I love him enough to know that I want him to have a better life than the life I could give him right now.
So I was being pressured in to aborting him from his dad, I didn't want too so I kept putting it off. It wasn't until I was 18 weeks that I fully accepted it and decided not to abort. I was always thinking abortion in the back of my mind until then which is why I didn't act sooner on the adoption but ethically speaking personally I can not condone an abortion.
I last saw my midwife at 16 weeks so I couldn't discuss these plans with her. I don't think she would agree either as she is really blunt and honest and I do not think she will agree with my choice. I didn't know what to do so I contacted my governments adoption email and they forwarded me to a ladies email who organizes the adoption and fostering in my government. I discussed everything with her and she wanted to meet me, we are meeting in early October. She explained the process to me but was asking me if there was anyone in my family who would be willing to look after a child. I feel like no one understands me, I do not want my family to look after the child, i feel she thinks im not capable of looking after the child rather than just wanting the child to have a good upbringing and a good stable family. I feel like she is trying so many alternatives and not actually looking at adoption. She is telling me that the child will be placed with a foster career after birth and then we will look at adopters and I will have 6 weeks to change my mind, I feel like she is trying to make me change my mind.
I know I am young but I fully understand what is happening and I know all the emotional implications that can come from this but I am willing to deal with those and give my child a better life.
The thing I hate most is the worry of fostering. I want the baby to have a family and to be adopted rather than spend time with fosters and forming a connection and bond with them just to get passed around with the possibility of a life time in care homes rather than an actual family, obviously no one wants that for their child and I just want him to have a good family that is all I want. How many people are wanting to adopt? Are the numbers low or are there lots of people wanting newborns? I worry that there aren't that many people therefore he wont be adopted. He is completely healthy no known conditions and growth is on chart and I know that is an added benefit.
I just feel awful. No one in my family knows at the moment because I know how they will react. I have horrible anxiety that has worsened due to the pregnancy and I worry so much that I won't get to adopt him out and I will made to care for him even though I will want an adoption. I don't know who to talk too, my midwife is so indifferent and blunt and this woman I am talking to from the government seems to think that I CANT look after him, when I CAN i just know I can't as well as someone else and I need him to have the best start in life. She is talking about getting family to take over responsibility when all i want is him to have his own family.
So please can someone answer my questions regarding this.
First of all would I get the same result going through my local government rather than an adoption agency like barardos? I have tried to contact them but they haven't got back to me. I can't find many resources on pregnant woman wanting to give their child up as I know most adoption is from children getting removed from their care.
How likely is it that my child will get adopted? are there many people wanting to adopt?
How likely is it that my child will go straight to the adopter or will they be placed with a foster career until adoptive parents are found?
Will I take the baby home or will they go straight after birth to foster/adopters? I don't want to take him home as obviously emotions will be pressured however I would like to spend an hour or so with him after birth.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
Adopting out my newborn please help
44 replies
zia11 · 19/09/2014 17:06
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.