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Adoption

Age of AC?

11 replies

Char22thom · 14/08/2014 21:12

my husband and I are just beginning the adoption process and are discussing which age we feel we would be appropriate for. I would like a baby so we can build the formative years but we were wondering what the youngest age babies are likely to be when matched with adopters? What experiences do you all have? X

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Nonnimouse · 14/08/2014 21:39

Our son was 6 months, but he was a relinquished baby due to his special needs, so an unusual scenario.

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Dizzythedragon · 14/08/2014 21:43

Our LO came home recently at 3.5 months.

However, we are fostering-to-adopt and there is still some uncertainty.

If you go down the concurrency route, you might have a baby from birth. However, this is something that needs very careful considering. Lots of additional problems.

If you do 'standard' adoption, babies will usually be 6 months old at least, more likely 10-12 months.

If you are thinking about young babies, it helps in order to have realistic expectations, to consider what kind of backgrounds you can imagine that would warrant removing a baby from his/her mother at birth.

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Lilka · 14/08/2014 21:49

Assuming you aren't doing concurrent planning, in which case newborn baby is possible - In my experience, very unlikely to be under 6 months (it does happen that you see 4/5 month babies, but IMHO it's so uncommon it's best to put it out of your mind iyswim!). But from 6 months old when you start the matching process is a more realistic possibility.

Personally of all the babies aged under one I've seen be adopted over the years, the vast majority were between 8-12 months when they came home. But obviously I've seen a few younger ones as well.

Also, in adoption all children aged under 18 or even under 24 months, are considered babies, and there are many children aged 12-18 months waiting for adoption. If you are happy to be matched with a child aged anywhere 0-24 months, or even 0-18 months, IME you will get matched with a child in that age range if you wait long enough and your other criteria aren't too inflexible

It very much does depend on area/agency though - some LA's tend to only very rarely have children under 1, others it's more common. It also depends on what needs or background issues you identify in the home study you would be comfortable with your child having.

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Char22thom · 14/08/2014 22:18

Thanks for the replies so far- my feeling is for an under 3 but as young as possible really- am I right in thinking panel would e wanting you to have a larger/stronger support network than perhaps you might do for an older child? We only have a couple of friends in the local area but other family etc are all about an hour or so away- is this likely to be an issue? X

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Dizzythedragon · 14/08/2014 23:03

Hmm this will depend from agency to agency. But in my experience it has been the other way round - SWs have tended to use the expression 'just a baby' and implying that things would be easy, minimising any potential problems. As in, 'we'll cut introductions short but don't worry, it's just a baby' or 'a month further delay and a potential further move aren't really concerning, it's just a baby'.

Accordingly I think some SWs/agencies may have a tendency to dismiss problems that children may have who have been adopted very young, whilst acknowledging that older children may be severely traumatised; and hence if anything, would look for a stronger support network for prospective adopters of older children.

But more importantly, they will be looking for experience with children of the age range you are interested in. If you have no experience whatsoever of caring for babies, but e.g. work at a primary school and hence have lots of experience of that age; I think you'd find it hard to have a baby placed with you. Your assessing agency would probably require you to gain some relevant experience first. Vice versa, if you are a nursery nurse and have lots of experience of babies, but have never really had much to do with school age children, you'd probably wouldn't be easily considered for 4+ year olds/would be asked to acquire some relevant experience first.

Going back to the support network, this is something many prospective adopters seem to worry about (we did too) but I've never heard of anyone being rejected on those grounds. At most, I can imagine that if your support network isn't strong, this will influence the assessing SW's judgement of what degree of additional needs you might be able to cope with. But though some local support is valuable; if you have close friends who you can offload to if needed and who support you emotionally, but just don't happen to live nearby - this counts too!

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Lilka · 14/08/2014 23:06

Actually, I think they would expect a bigger support network with an older child adoption! But rather than age, it largely depends on the childs individual needs, your family structure (you're a couple but single adopters often need to demonstrate a slightly stronger support network because they don't have a partner as support) and any other family considerations (for instance, if you had a disability which might mean at times you needed more support)

Ah, under 3 is a good flexible age range, no problems there generally!

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FamiliesShareGerms · 15/08/2014 07:46

The only children under six months I'm aware of being adopted are siblings, either adopted as part of a group all together or when BM has a further baby following the adoption of an older sibling.

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GirlsWhoWearGlasses · 15/08/2014 19:54

We were approved for one under 3 and were matched with our DD when she was 16 months.

I wouldn't have thought that setting your age range as under 3 would be unrealistic, though as others have said, it all depends on the rest of your criteria.

The thing about adopting young children, is that you need to come to terms with uncertainty. There are so many unknowns, that you need to decide which risks and what level of those risks you can live with.

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TheSarcasticFringehead · 15/08/2014 19:57

My brother was placed at 11mnths but was removed at birth.

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bakinggood · 16/08/2014 15:53

We wanted ages between 3-6 years old. Both my husband and I felt comfortable with this age group. We got 3 and 5 year old siblings.
We know someone who adopted a baby-it was relinquished at birth and came to them 6 months later, but this was quite a few years ago.

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KristinaM · 18/08/2014 22:20

I agree with dizzy -if you want a baby you will need to be able to deal with a family history of addictions, possible drug and alcohol use during pregnancy and associated problems, mental illness and learning difficulties.

It's much harder to do an accurate developmental assessment on a young baby, so you will have to accept a higher level of risk of adopting a child with SN

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