Scared

[dimples76]

I think that best sums up how I feel at the moment. I was all geared up for a long wait to find a match when my sw called today with a potential link. I am definitely interested but need to find out more - I'm a bit worried that my shock may have come across as lack of enthusiasm.

The boy in question is probably at the extreme end of what I had said I could cope with in terms of potential learning difficulties and developmental delay but younger than I dared up for (13 months) and has been with same fc since birth.

I guess I will have a better feel when some of the tests come back and I can discuss things with the medical advisor. At the minute I am grappling with whether what I feel now is just normal worries and sensible precautions til I know more or if it means I have not found the right child yet.

Don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight!

[Tommy]

I'm sure it is very normal! I think that once SWs get the odea that you will be approved, they already know who they want to match you with.
Good luck - be excited!

[TulipsfromAmsterdam]

Congratulations on approval and potential link.

You will probably get most of the up to date information from the foster carer as often paperwork can be months old. We adopted our fc and the forms we received were 6 months old and a lot had changed since the information was taken.

It is hard to know what the future holds. We had attended every hospital appointment and had medical reports etc but still were unprepared for some of the health needs which are becoming apparent at 2.6 years.

Get as much info from medical advisor and look into conditions such as global developmental delay before making a decision.

Hope it works out well for you.

[Threesocksnohairbrush]

It's perfectly normal and perfectly understandable at this stage. You haven't met a real child, you've had a brief summary in a phone call by a SW who doesn't know the child, which outlines by the sound of it some potentially quite significant difficulties. Of course you need to know more!

I agree that the first summary phone call can often be quite inaccurate and information (especially medical information) out of date or misunderstood. Our DC2 had quite a challenging initial write up, most of which was unfounded. I went to the SWs office with a feeling of 'doubt this is the one for us but let's have a look' - half an hour later ... :)

You just need to find out more. Good luck!

[Italiangreyhound]

When social worker said 'We are suggesting blah blah blah...." I thought well, I'm pretty sure he is not for us but lets take a look!"

A day later I was hoping dh would feel the same as me and want to adopt ds!

Just balance the initial gut feelings (good or bad) against the facts and think can I meet his needs and can I parent him, etc and see how you feel.

I ended up just feeling it was very right but if all I had had to go on was the initial one page profile i would probably have said no, knowledge and extra information is so helpful - essential really.

All the best.

[Threesocksnohairbrush]

Glad I'm not the only one Italian :)

Conversely when we heard about DC1 they felt right from the start and I was dancing in the streets. Ironically DC1 has been far more challenging to parent but the bond was and is immediate and intense. Probably what keeps me sane in the roller coaster of being his mum :)

If you talk to adoptive parents you hear a mixture of stories about how their bond with their child built, from an instant love to a slow burn. You might be anywhere in the middle, or it might be that you aren't the right parents for this little boy - in which case his parents will be out there for him somewhere. Just take it easy and however feels right to you. All the best.

[dimples76]

Thanks so much for your messages - they are really reassuring.

I guess I'm just going to have to wait for some more of the test results to come back so I can make a more informed decision. I guess it's self protection as well as I just keep imagining worst case scenarios.