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Newbies Part 2

(441 Posts)
resipsa Thu 29-May-14 11:18:38

Hello! I like starting threads - there are sadly too many of mine littered in conception, miscarriage and infertility.

My story? After two miscarriages in 5 months (both following donor egg IVF), my mind and body have had enough and my thoughts are turning to the idea of adoption because I want two children. DD (my and DH's BC) is 3.

We're at the thinking stage but I have registered my interest with my LA and a VA locally. But for DD, I would be pressing ahead at full speed but I worry about the potential negative impact on her. I never worried about how having another BC might affect her and so am unsure if I need to refocus on me and DH - we want another child - rather than concentrate on the sibling issue.

I hope there are others (Mersea, maybe?) in my shoes who will join me here in supporting each other through the process.

And to Italian - I love your story and hope to follow in your shoes!

Lilka Thu 29-May-14 11:35:35

Hi resipsa and welcome smile I hope you find the board helpful, we're here to support you any way we can.

Italian I cannot believe you started a thread on quiet old adoptions that maxed out grin I think that might be a first! You keep this board going grin Hopefully this Newbies 2 maxes out as well!

In all seriousness, this board is far far busier now than it was a few years ago, you can see just how much by looking at the archives

Anyway, I'm derailing...

Good luck EVERYONE who's starting out on the road to adoption thanks You may need much wine [tea] and cake to get you through the rollercoaster, but it's so so worth it smile

Lilka Thu 29-May-14 11:36:12

okay not tea, brew even

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 11:46:01

Thanks for replying; I hate an empty thread!

JBrd Thu 29-May-14 12:12:40

Marking my (tentative) place on here! I'm 42 and have one DS, who just turned 3.

After 4mcs, I am now wondering if I will ever manage to have another BC, and what my alternatives are. DH is happy to consider adoption, but this is really as far as we got at the moment! Just doing some reading and research, trying to gather as much information as possible.

resipsa What does 'registering interest' actually mean, and what happens after that?

TBH, I feel quite daunted by it all, but then again, I'm a bit all over the place at the moment... I think the time factor worries me most, ie. how long it can take to actually get matched with a child, I feel quite panicked when I hear how it has taken some people (I just want a child now sad)
We are currently waiting for the results of the post mortem from my last mc, and once we have those, we will start thinking seriously about what we want to do next.
So I'll be lurking on here, if you don't mind, watching with interest!

Etihad Thu 29-May-14 12:19:34

Hi [resipa] I'm quite new here too. Registering Interest, for me was a ringing the agency, having a chat with them, then a short visit from a social worker who explained everything and left a 'registering interest' form to fill in - basically asking officially to be considered, not as scary as it sounds!

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 12:20:19

Hi JBrd.

I'm 43. 3 m/cs in total so our stories are similar. DD was 3 in January.

TBH, the 'registration' was the completiom of an online form requesting an information pack! I don't want to hold myself out as any sort of expert smile.

Polkadotpatty Thu 29-May-14 12:23:17

Hello all and welcome!
JBrd, while you will need the right amount of time to recover and heal after your mcs, I believe most people are finding that the approval and matching process is quite a bit quicker these days (generalised comment - no guarantees!)
It can vary depending on whether you apply with a voluntary agency (VA) or a local authority (LA), but if you take a look at some of the other recent threads many people have reported an average approval period of about 9 months. The wait to then be matched with the right child for your family is harder to quantify, because obviously there is a lot to consider, including the needs of your DS.
This board is a lovely place to read and ask questions; I'm so happy I found it!

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 12:25:52

Hi Etihad. Are you a frequent flyer or a City fan?

You're further on than us, then. How long will it be before you hear more?

RaspberrySnowCone Thu 29-May-14 12:43:45

I've made the call, rang this morning and spoke to a duty worker. She took a few details, asked a bit about us and has said that the adoption manager will be in touch next week to arrange to see us at home. I don't know whether to be excited or terrified. I know for sure that my house is about to get blitz!!

64x32x24 Thu 29-May-14 12:48:58

Hello new newbies on this shiny new thread! I'm an old newbie, recently approved. Yeah the clock ticks for stage 1 and stage 2, which are supposed to be no longer than 6 months. For us they were exactly 6 months. But as people have said, the time before the clock starts (when you are looking at various agencies, going to information evenings, having 'initial home visits' and such) can be long or short; and the time after it stops ticking (after approval panel) is as long as a piece of string!

There are two kinds of registering interest. Sometimes it's just about telling an agency that you are interested, so as that they can invite you to an information evening and/or arrange an initial home visit. This you can do with as many agencies as you like! The other is the official 'registration of interest' form which is quite long and detailed and includes a section where you confirm that you are not being assessed to adopt anywhere else. This you can only do once, with one agency. It means that (in theory) you get a written response within 5 or 10 days (I forget), and that is when the clock starts ticking for stage 1!

Good luck everyone, I have found it really helpful to have a group of people at similar stages (and just ahead) and am always happy to share our own experiences with people just 'behind' in the process! I hope this thread will be as long and successful as Italian's has been!

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 12:51:04

Thanks for your help yesterday thanks.

Etihad Thu 29-May-14 13:07:11

Hi resipsa, just a City fan smile I sent the form I mentioned off a few weeks ago, and got a letter back saying I am officially on stage one - that takes 2 months and involves all the checks, preparation groups and references. Then, if I pass that Stage 2 lasts four months, apparently you have to have a decision 6 months from starting stags 1, so for me November, which is scary! You're right it's great to 'meet' other people on here and everyone seems friendly here. Let us know how you get on

lovehopejoy Thu 29-May-14 13:47:12

Hello all! Just a quickie to say that we too are in Stage 1, infact 1 month and 1 week into stage 1 (not that I'm counting!). We've got our 3 day prep course next week...scary and exciting all at once! Looking forward to it, just a bit nervous! Just waiting now to get all the paperwork and stat checks back etc.
Looking forward to getting to know you all a bit more and being able to share our journeys. X

MyFeetAreCold Thu 29-May-14 15:07:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 15:10:59


Italiangreyhound Thu 29-May-14 15:36:42

resipsa thanks for starting the thread.

Good luck to all.

We have a birth dd who is 9 and are adopting a boy almost 4. It took us a year to get approved but I am told now it is more like 6 months. It took us 9 months from approval to the time he came home, so 20 months in all but I have heard of much shorter times recently.

You do need to take the time to heal from grief of miscarriages and failed treatment, my sympathies and empathy to all. sad We had one MC from a spontaneous pregnancy and several rounds of failed IUI and IVF, including donor eggs.

You are right, you do need to consider the impact of adoption on birth children in a way you do not with another birth child because there are more uncertainties with looked after children. I can say more if you like. But I can say that at the moment our adopted child is less of a handful than our birth child - so we shall see!

Karbea Thu 29-May-14 15:58:05

Hello all,
Marking my place smile
I've just got off the phone to a lovely lady at pact and we are seeing them either next (or the one after) Tuesday, depending on dhs diary !

I filled in a call me back form on the las website, so waiting for them to call me back!

Investigating how I can volunteer to get experience with small children now...

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 16:02:22

Karbea - you were an egg buddy weren't you? Happy (but sorry IYSWIM) to see you here.

Karbea Thu 29-May-14 16:21:25

Yes, I was, we last did Ivf about a year ago.

Choccyjules Thu 29-May-14 17:35:22

Hello everyone, marking my place smile

We are approved to adopt and are in the family-finding/matching stage.

Karbea Thu 29-May-14 17:59:30

Right we are seeing pact next Tuesday smile eckkk!

resipsa Thu 29-May-14 18:01:59


prumarth Thu 29-May-14 18:20:41

Hi everybody! Another oldie newbie here. We first spoke to our LA in July 2013 and we meet our baby boy next week for introductions. So 10 months in total for us.
Love Italian finishing the last post - very appropriate!
Good luck everybody!

happydazed Thu 29-May-14 18:40:49

Hi everyone, I was on the very first page of the last newbie thread so I want to be on the first page of this one too! We are now about half way through stage 2, panel booked for 22nd July, lovely to see so many successful stories around here recently. I had a different name back then.

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