Wanted: A Family of My Own - Episode 3

[Italiangreyhound]

Hi guys

Wanted: A Family of My Own - Episode 3

Who is watching???

[Lilka]

Ooh, you just reminded me! Would have forgotten totally

I'll be watching

[Italiangreyhound]

Great, I will be on sofa, beer in hand, see you then!

[prumarth]

I will be joining you, bit worried as this one seems to be about a breakdown during matching / intros and I'm trying not to give myself anything new to worry about!

[Devora]

Oh no! I'm still at work. Will it be repeated anywhere?

[Bellavinci]

I'll be watching-it's a great series and makes me wonder why there have not been more documentaries created on the subject of Adoption.

[Italiangreyhound]

I'll be on ITV player, Devora.

Watching it on delay, will not comment until it is over!!

[64x32x24]

Focus is definitely on adopters, in this series, rather than on the children or their birth families. Maybe that's why this series raises less controversial debates? On the other hand it does show that it is entirely possible to create an engaging programme without focussing on the children's scandalous backgrounds, nor on their sweetness and cuteness.

Like so many however it stops at shortly after placement. I found it impressive to see the exhaustion in the new adopters' faces, towards the end of intros as well as after a couple of weeks at home. But then a few months later everything is settled and going well... one could be led to believe that a few months in a loving forever family can heal all ills.

After having been asked about 'wanting another child of our own' at panel, I was listening carefully and indeed they used the expression 'of our/your/their own' quite liberally, but mostly in relation to families rather than to children I think. As in, the family you grew up in, is your parents' family 'of their own' and when you want to start your own family, it's me, you (or just me) and my/our kids (by whatever means). Kind of seems ok to me.

[Italiangreyhound]

Good and interesting episode but feel it only touches the surface of the reality.

What about the years of anxiety and fertility treatment a lot of adopters have done through. The counselling, the home study, getting the house ready et.

So far we have seen a few couples but no single adopters and no one with birth children.

What about support and back up. Etc

It's good but it isn't the full picture.

I felt the couple were lovely, both, but especially the artistic woman making that knitted toy and lovely book.

One lovely moment was when that couple were talking about their love for their son and how it was not different to a birth child. The presenter looked quite emotional. He was adopted as a child and I think, like others who joined their family by adoption, felt sad at the idea that some may view the love of adoptive parents as different to birth parents, when really they can be the same! A nice touch of the programme, a personal moment.

[fledtoscotland]

It was an eye opener about how long matching and placement takes. Why does it take 4 months from giving prospective parents a child's details to them actually meeting the child? Surely this is damaging by delaying moving a child into a permenant placement?

[wonderpants]

Italian, out of interest, has your DD watched the programmes! I'd not really thought about my 9 year old DD watching them because they are on after 9, but there really isn't anything unsuitable I don't think.

[Italiangreyhound]

oh wonderpants I had not thought of that.

[64x32x24]

fledto, this couple was doing assessment and matching at the same time, which is why it took so 'long'. In other terms it was very very quick! They went to approval panel, and the same panel matched them right then and there.
They couldn't really have reduced the time. 4 months assessment, 0 days to matching, that's about as fast as it gets!

[Italiangreyhound]

It took us about two and a half months from first hearing of little one to getting to matching panel, then it is two weeks before intros and intros of just over a week so all in all just over 3 months. Lots has to be doen in that time, perhaps paperwork read, contributed to and signed off by about 4 sets of people, maybe birth parents will have final visit and then child told about new family etc.

One major factor is the date of matching panel, when the next one is available after you agree to a match.

[Italiangreyhound]

Sorry... I am forgetting the time when we knew about little one but before we officially agree to little one match! It was just over two weeks. So although we knew pretty early on he was the one we had to have a meeting with our social worker, his social worker and the family finder who suggested the match, and our DD, all at house! Getting all three professionals together took a few weeks to agree and once we had met we were asked to think about it (we did for about two hours and then made the call!!!). Then another wait of a few hours before they called back!

So it will be about three and a half months from first hearing about him until he moves it!

As i say, the date for panel was one of the deciding factors on when we could be officially matched.

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

Fled Why does it take 4 months from giving prospective parents a child's details to them actually meeting the child?

For us it went like this:

• Our SW phoned asking to see us
• Our social worker came to see us with basic info about the children, and left us the CPR
• The children's social worker and LA family finder came out (with our SW too) to meet us and see if she liked us and answer questions
• Our SW made us wait the weekend before saying yes we wanted to proceed
• We were passed a video of the children
• We had to meet the medical advisor at a convenient time
• We had to meet the FC at a convenient time
• We had to meet the school of eldest child at a convenient time
• We had to write something to go in paperwork for panel to say why we thought the children were right for us (we had to dictate this over the phone from a pre-booked foreign holiday)
• We had to do basic room preparation for introductions book
• We had to prepare our introduction books, tailored to the children, plus a video
• Vast swathes of paperwork had to be submitted to panel 1 or 2 weeks in advance so they had time to read it
• Panel
• Decision maker ratification
• The children had to be 'prepared' to meet us. The SWs cannot tell the children anything until it is all signed and sealed.
• Easter got in the way
• We met the children, 2.5 months after hearing about them
• 4 weeks of intros (older child)
• Finally moved in

[fledtoscotland]

Thank you for all that info. I didn't realise that couple went to panel and matching at the same time. Spoke to the SW at families team earlier in the week and she suggested 12-18 months although DH and I feel it's prob closer to 18+ months from our reading.

[excitedmtb]

I was feeling like we were having to wait too long to meet our child but having read some posts and heard others stories we are actually moving quite quickly. We started the whole process in September. 4 day adoption course in October, moved onto stage 2 just before Christmas, approved at panel in March. We were told we had a long wait in front of us but 3 weeks later we were sent a profile. Our SW was pretty confident that we would want to proceed so had already set our panel date. In total we will have waited only 8 weeks from receiving profile to meeting our little one. I say 'only' but with 5 weeks to go I am getting VERY impatient lol

[UnderTheNameOfSanders]

excited - wow that has been fast!

We took 15 months from initial contact to get to panel.
Then 15 months from panel to hearing about our girls
Then 15 months from them moving in to court.

Take the time you have got to get all those jobs done you have been putting off - no time afterwards!

[Italiangreyhound]

excitedmtb wow, that is so fast! Agree with Sanders.

I can't believe how fast that is. Good news. As you know for us it took 20 months total (after waiting 6 months because of fertility treatment and procrastinating for years!). Almost one year from first meeting to approval panel (it's quicker these days), almost 5 months waiting for a match and will be about 3 and a half months from hearing of little one to bringing home so total 20 months! That in itself seems quicker than how it was before.

I have heard of much longer waits before then me so I feel it is OK but quicker is better, within reason!

[excitedmamma]

When do your intros start Italian? Excited for you

[Italiangreyhound]

There is a two week 'lag' between panel and intros, so few days.