single adopters meeting new partners

[crazeekitty]

Before I post please please let me say I am NOT considering a relationship right now. Dd and I have a lot ahead of us and I'm looking forward to doing things together and forming a tight little family unit. I've never really wanted a man in tow anyway and my lovely girl has a remarkable belief that mummy can do anything and a daddy wouldn't have much to add. Bless her. I'll remind her of that when she starts dating.

However, I wondered if any single adopters started off single but met a partner down the line and how that panned out. Just been seeing a couple of single birth-parent friends going through these dilemmas recently and wondered what the impacts and considerations on adoptive families are?

If it's too nosey then tell me to butt out but it might help some prospective single adopters consider the path we choose.

Or maybe I've just not got enough to occupy my mind on a Sunday evening. There's not a thing on the 790 channels on telly and my new book is dull as ditchwater.

[Kewcumber]

Ha ha ha ha - did you start this with me in mind (I know you didn;t really I'm not that egotistical!)

[Kewcumber]

Perhaps I should just mark my place and let you know after date three!

[Kewcumber]

To be fair its been 7 years (post adoption) and its the first time I've got past date 1! I've been out with an ex which was way easier and could be managed without DS knowing about it so I'm not sure that counted.

The real difficulty I can foresee is that DS is used to having 100% of my attention and it'll be interesting to see (if it gets that far) how he deal with a man in the house (occasionally - I'm not thinking of moving him in).

Also how do you deal with the sleeping over issue? Without an ex-partner taking the DC every other weekend I think you probably have to find a way around that earlier than if you have an ex-partner who has the children regularly.

My other worry is that statistically even something which progresses past date 3 isn't likely to last forever and I do worry about DS becoming attached. Hopefully he's old enough at 8 to understand that boyfriends are not necessarily forever.

Its all a bit of a minefield to be honest.

[crazeekitty]

Ooh! Kew! Is romance in the air?

Had to smile at your post... I've never got much past a first date in years. And the bloody irony is now small child is with me all these men are coming out of the woodwork. I think they see us as a ready made family or something. I don't know. Not about to find out either.

So.. hot date?

[Kewcumber]

Oh lordy - I just assumed you'd read the adoption chat thread!

[Kewcumber]

The big girls are being mean to me on it.

[Kewcumber]

If you read from Thu 20-Mar-14 14:22:27 you'll get the general idea without trawling through whole thread!

[Kewcumber]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2015862-Adoption-chat

[Hels20]

I wish I had kept Michelle pfieffer's, Calista Flockhart's and Angelina's numbers...

Gosh - this is such a good post - just hope someone has a real life happy ending story. Maybe Kew will be that person. Or you Crazee.

[crazeekitty]

Oh hels. It won't be me I don't think.

Dd and I can offer a man far more than he can offer us.... I'm just having trouble making them see that.

So far we've had offers from man without secure home, man without secure job, man without secure home OR secure job, man who wears his coat indoors so he doesn't have to turn the heating on, ooh let's not forget man who wouldn't buy a new pedal for his pushbike because it was too expensive so welded an old second hand one on instead and was indignant when it snapped off.

Not rich pickings are they?

[drinkyourmilk]

crazeekitty I'm not an adopter yet, my partner and I are going to a presentation next month- hence my presence on the board, but it sounds like you meet the creme de la creme of men! However will you choose your knight?!

[OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing]

Mr. Coat would save you money on your heating bills...

I've never got as far as a date, and everyone I've met who I would have gone on a date with has turned out to be either:

Ms. Already In A Relationship (this is most people)
Ms. Actually Heterosexual, But I Flirt With Lesbians In Gay Bars Because...(WHY?)
Ms. Actually A Complete Xenophobe
Ms. Moving to Other Side of World In a Month

and let's not forget Ms. And Then Lilka Woke Up, And It Was All A Dream

[Hels20]

I keep on checking on this board, hoping that someone has a positive story (apart from Kew - feel the pressure Kew).

[crazeekitty]

Lilka... Flirting in gay bars when they are straight? What's THAT all about? Is that like the straight women who snog in nightclubs to get attention?

Ah yes. The xenophobes... They hide their copies of the daily mail behind the Guardian, then when you're least expecting it they whip it out and beat you with it for being stupid enough to think they might be half decent.

Hels... No positives yet. I shall continue my research and report back.

[Kewcumber]

crazee - have you thought of having something handy tatoo'd on your forehead? I'm sure we can come up with something.

"Bugger off losers"?

[Kewcumber]

I must confess that I am an equal opportunities flirter. But I prefer to call it "charm"

Can't say I've ever gone out of my way to go to a gay bar specifically to flirt with lesbians. That wounds like more effort than I'm generally prepared to make.

[KristinaM]

< snort> at " charm "