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Adopting Half Siblings

(13 Posts)
Oneeyedchicklet Sat 22-Mar-14 12:35:27

Hi there - apologies if this is a topic elsewhere but I can't see anything. We have been approached to adopt our daughter's half-sibling - another girl. Our daughter has been with us for 2 1/2 years and has attached/settled very well. We are nervous about rocking the boat but the social workers are saying it is best for both children if we adopt the baby sister. Has anyone had any similar experiences or thoughts?

Thanks!

Quoteunquote Sat 22-Mar-14 14:51:25

I know several families that have done just this, and it has worked really well for all of them.

One of my very dear friends was adopted, her parents went on to adopt all of babies (two ,brother and sister)) that her birth mother produced, she always comments that she is so lucky she got to grow up with her siblings, and now as adults and having their own children, are very thankful they are all together, one of the closest supportive lovely families I have ever had the good fortune to be friend with.

one of the families that have just had another baby from the same mother as their oldest child said that when they met daughter number two, they were really shocked how much difference it made to them, daughter number one has really liked having a baby that looked like her, and comparing photos, they were apprehensive of rocking the boat, and a bit shaken that they nearly missed out (friend gets upset she was so closed to the idea as she had felt she didn't want anything to upset their longed for perfect little family) , as they are so very glad they did go for it. they were only intending on having one, but they are all very happy, and call it double love.

Good luck, I hope you find what is best for you and your family.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Sat 22-Mar-14 15:06:19

I adopted my DD2's half brother 2 years and 11 months after she came home

I'm about to go out but I will come and post about it later smile

TheCokeMachine Sat 22-Mar-14 16:06:18

To give you an adoptees viewpoint...

I am adopted, I am an only child. My parents were offered my younger half brother but declined. I wasn't told about it until I was 27.

I would have loved to have a sibling, especially some who looked a bit like me. He does look like me, we've met a couple of times and are similar characters too.

When I had my second child I was worried about rocking the boat too. It was all a bit scary for a while. I think you get that with any addition to your family.

I don't spend my life lamenting my long lost brother, or love my parents any less for their choices. So whatever you decide will be the right thing.

Good luck smile

TeenAndTween Sat 22-Mar-14 16:52:13

Were you thinking of having another child?

What are the chances of half-siblings 3, 4, and 5 appearing too?

Would contact arrangements be the same for both? I'm assuming they share their BM? So would the contacts with the BDs be the same or would you have an issue of one having contact and the other not?

I don't expect you to answer these on the forum, just things to think about.

Polyethyl Sat 22-Mar-14 16:56:34

Yes. Some friends of mine did this - and are very happy. The elder adopted child was delighted to no longer feel alone.

NanaNina Sat 22-Mar-14 17:57:33

Hi chicklet it is normal practice to ask adopters if they will consider a sibling or half sibling, as there are obvious benefits for the children. I understand you don't want to rock the boat and your daughter may be jealous for a while which is understandable, though at 2.5 years, it is a bit young for too much jealousy. Obviously you will be on the lookout for this and if you go ahead (which I hope you do) tell visitors what all sensible parents with new babies advise: "Please don't go rushing to the new baby and make a fuss of the older one first and then bide your time before sneaking a look at the baby."

JammieMummy Sat 22-Mar-14 19:23:28

Hello. We were in a similar position just over a year ago. Our DD was settle and we were happy, we would never have considered applying to adopt again at that point although we did wants second child eventually. In the end that is what swung the decision for us, how could we explain to our DD that we didn't take her sibling but then adopted again a few years later! As it turns out it hasbeena very difficult road for us but it has absolutely been the right thing for the children and we are (just about) really glad we did it. If you would like to chat a bit more please feel free to PM me

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Sat 22-Mar-14 19:35:29

My DD2 was nearly 11 and DS was 23 months old when I adopted him. I must firstly say that 7 years down the line I do not regret adopting my son at all. He is a joy to parent, a lovely little man and I just couldn't imagine life without him in it.

However, it hasn't been easy at all, and there are issues I never even considered

My DD2 has emotional, attachment and behavioural issues, and she seriously struggled with having another person in the house taking attention away from her. There were many many horrible days where everything was a struggle (it didn't help that I'm a single parent). It took DD a long time to attach to DS, the birth connection didn't help with that at all. There were days I even asked myself if I had done the right thing by adopting him or not

They do like the fact that they look alike, DD especially. But DD2 has a closer relationship with DD1 (who is also adopted but not biologically related) than she does with DS, and it's the same with him. The two younger kids love each other very much, but they also fight like crazy, they can really antagonise each other

The issue I didn't consider but should have, was contact and reunion. I always knew DD2 was likely to get into close contact with her birth mum, and I should have thought about what that would mean for DS given the 9 year age gap between them. When it finally happened, she was 16 and he was 7. He's really struggled with their reunion, he doesn't want contact or to have his birth mother close to his life, but he now has no choice as DD is talking on the phone to her a lot and visiting her and telling her all about DS's life

Basically, having two with competing needs has been hard, really hard at times. But as I said, I don't regret my choice. It's been worth it, because I have a wonderful bigger family like I always wanted, and I have a son who is the most amazing little boy ever. But the birth connection between them has if anything caused more problems than it has provided benefits.

holiday88 Sat 22-Mar-14 19:40:07

Just done it and all going well they love each other dearly and will be able to on this journey together and support each other with what ever life throws at them.

Copper13 Sat 22-Mar-14 20:36:22

Hi chicklet, it's something we may consider in the future if BM goes on to have any more children and things haven't changed with her lifestyle. We've only had DD with us for 5 months though so very early days!
Our DD has an older half brother who was adopted earlier by another family, they were asked to consider our DD when the time came but thy had had their DS such a short time they didn't feel they could. It is hoped that we will have direct contact in the future however.
The only thing that would make me hesitate would be if the new BD had possible genetic issues that we originally said we couldn't cope with when going through the application process.

Italiangreyhound Sat 22-Mar-14 20:46:28

Oneeyedchicklet how do you feel about the possible adoption of another child? Your post mentions your daughter and the social workers but not what you (and your partner?) feel.

I hope whatever you decide to do that all will work out well for you.

Italiangreyhound Sat 22-Mar-14 20:47:19

Sorry nor 'that all will work out well for you.' but that all will work out well for all of you.

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