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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Not a flounce, just a break.

(40 Posts)
Moomoomie Thu 20-Mar-14 11:30:11

Hi to all who 'know' me on here, just to let you know I'm going to take a break from mumsnet for a while.
I feel attacked by idiots who don't know me, and I feel I'm taking it all to heart.
Real life is hard enough at the moment without all this too.
Good luck to all going to either approval panel or matching panel soon.
I will probably be back at some point.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Thu 20-Mar-14 11:58:30

I understand Moomoomie thanks I've been feeling the same way, I'm determined to not be forced away from what is normally such a lovely supportive place by all this, but I completely get why you need to have a break from this. Whenever you feel ready to come back, we'll be delighted to see you again smile I hope life treats you well in the meantime xx

HQ - I'm very sad and annoyed that it's come to this (again, this has happened before), and I think this board really needs a faster reaction from mods whenever we get these spates of goady threads and inflammatory posts. A clear message about what is and isn't acceptable. This is an extremely sensitive topic, we talk about very emotional issues from infertility, to losing your children, to child abuse and the effects of it on our children, and when we're dealing with such sensitive issues it doesn't take much for people to feel unable to post because it doesn't feel safe enough, and I think this must be recognised and the board treated accordingly

CheeryGiraffe Thu 20-Mar-14 13:24:41

Oh, Moo, I am so sorry you're taking a break, but I understand completely. I don't have anything other than approval panel to make real life hard at the moment, but some of the things that have been said recently do play over in my head, so I can only imagine how hard it is when real life is being a pain too. <hugs> Please do come back when you feel able to, in the meantime I hope real life gets easier. flowers smile

HQ - I agree with Lilka, I can't imagine that the level of nonsense posted on here recently would be allowed on other sensitive subject boards. Please, please can something be done to help prevent this from happening again?

TulipsfromAmsterdam Thu 20-Mar-14 13:43:52

It is so bad that people are not using the board as it is intended, for support and advice. I too feel sad that people are leaving or taking a break from posting because of insensitive idiots with nothing better to do than goad and argue.
I hope you come back soon Moo and real life becomes easier for you.
To everyone else who offers support please do not leave, us newbies need your invaluable help and advice x

MrsBW Thu 20-Mar-14 13:58:35

You know what I find frustrating? That none of these people wants to engage in a healthy debate - it's all just slinging of accusations made under the guise of it being in the best interest of someone else (i.e. the children) when in fact it's almost always entirely self serving.

It's exhausting; and here's the thing. I bet adopters hold back from talking about some of the really 'dark' issues they have because they know that it's only a matter of time until yet another attack is launched.

So the one place they should be able to discuss their deepest, darkest thoughts - and access support from people who may have been there and done that - becomes just yet another place where people walk on egg shells.

Such a pity.

Ecclefechan Thu 20-Mar-14 14:19:53

Can't we all just report and not engage with the goaders? They want a reaction so let's not give it to them. If we all just post "reported" on the thread which I don't think we're supposed to do but who cares but don't try to reason with them they might get bored and go away.

Thepoodoctor Thu 20-Mar-14 14:33:56

Could I suggest - don't know how to direct this to MNHQ, that the adoption board could have a similar arrangement to the SN board? Which is that threads on the SN boards aren't searchable and don't appear in active convos.

So if you want to go there you have to go and find the topic specifically. This provides a safer environment for people who may be posting from very vulnerable situations (thinking both birth and adoptive parents).

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Thu 20-Mar-14 14:43:02

I don't think it not showing up in active convos would solve the problem though - most of the people who come in that way are nice people who just want eg. to say "congrats" on an appropriate thread etc. Sadly, the goady trolls do deliberately and specifically seek out the adoption board on the Talk page, knowing there is one, so we can't stop them coming here completely

Not engaging is fine, as long as you realise they are a troll, which I didn't last night. But quick reporting must have a quick response

Happiestinwellybobs Thu 20-Mar-14 14:44:43

I'm sorry that you feel that way Moo, but completely understand. I saw the thread early yesterday morning, and had to stay a away, as found it offensive and upsetting.

I agree with other posters. This should be a place of support, not attack, which is what it sometimes feels like.

Hope to see you back when you're ready flowers

LittleMissDisorganized Thu 20-Mar-14 14:45:09

After the awful week of the channel 4 program and radio 4 debates, and the threads here there and everywhere, I just didn't look here, read or post for a while - and this is supposed to be supportive, and usually it is very much so. I completely understand your decision.
(usually weregoingtothezoo given up on namechanging)

Polkadotpatty Thu 20-Mar-14 15:20:58

I understand why anyone would want a break from being goaded - before you go though, can I just say I really get a lot of comfort and support from reading the wisdom (and humour!) that are shared so generously on this board, by people like you. Take care of yourself - you matter too much to let the others have any of your precious head-space. thanks

Thepoodoctor Thu 20-Mar-14 15:47:11

Lilka, agreed and understood re the individual goady posters.

Is it possible though that if a thread like last nights didn't show up in active convos then it wouldn't snowball because of lots of posts from people on the main site who don't know the issues with this board and individuals, and maybe have an interest in the debate but not a lot of experience of adoption?

Moomoomie Thu 20-Mar-14 17:39:23

Thank you all.
To be honest it is not just yesterday's thread, although that was the icing on the cake...... See there cake mentioned again!!
I will be back, I'm too excited to hear the news from all the newbies to stay away for too long.
thanks

Inthebeginning Thu 20-Mar-14 19:47:45

hi moo I'm so sorry you feel like this but totally get why. I think it's very sad that we all feel so battered and bruised, I can't think of a way to protect the board from these things, but like it's already been said, this is the board we come too, to talk about the most sensitive things. hq any ideas?

MyFeetAreCold Thu 20-Mar-14 20:02:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 20-Mar-14 20:04:31

Sorry Moomoomie - I don't post a lot but I do read a lot and your voice is one I will miss here. Hope to see you back soon sad

Does it work for the AN board? I think it must do. Can it hurt to try? V similar ishoos...

namechangesforthehardstuff Thu 20-Mar-14 20:05:42

Sn. Bloody phone. Can we have a 'bloody phone' emoticon while we're at it?

CheeryGiraffe Thu 20-Mar-14 20:18:06

Feet, a 90 day lifespan would be fantastic. Clever idea! We're not even at the stage of having sensitive stuff to talk about yet, but even now I think twice before posting any details of things. confused

bluepen Thu 20-Mar-14 20:25:41

Has anyone flagged up this thread to mumsnet HQ?
Else you are all talking just talking amongst yourselves.

MyFeetAreCold Thu 20-Mar-14 20:39:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber Thu 20-Mar-14 20:52:22

I quite understand Moo, I know you will be back. In the meantime, take a break and get things back into perspective and we'll welcome you back when ready.

Maryz Fri 21-Mar-14 20:54:09

What did I miss confused

fwiw, I find that the odd few weeks away now and again does wonders for my tolerance levels and I find myself able to return and engage without getting so upset.

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 21-Mar-14 22:07:05

I've had a bit of a break recently too - mostly because I've been busy, but also I find I get too engaged, IWSWIM. (Ie I flit around "style and beauty" for some banal conversation about pretty things)

Come back when you're ready Moo

(What happened last night??)

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Fri 21-Mar-14 22:56:54

Last night we had a lovely person come start a thread all about how their heart broke for all people who had lost their children, how can your flesh and blood become someone else's, the adoption system is so unjust and unfair. They came across as a very dim member of the public, and they pretended they had no knowledge at all of how adoption works. Then when everyone took the time to reply, OP's responses remained stubbornly stupid and offensive. Until it got the of course the bp's are the real parents stage, and then MrsDV read the whole thread beginning to end and called out the OP for being a troll and the OP mysteriously vanished and then got banned for being a goady whatsit who just wanted to upset people

Personally I bet a large sum of money it was you-know-who-the-persistant-troll back on another account

Either way, we're all fed up of being targeted constantly hence the threads proposing solutions and people taking breaks

Goldmandra Fri 21-Mar-14 23:06:10

Does it work for the AN board? I think it must do.

Yes. IMO it works well on the SN board. I don't personally have close experience of fostering or adoption but I completely agree that it would be appropriate to stop this board being included in active conversations int he same way.

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