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Does anyone have adopted DC who have siblings who aren't placed with them?

(29 Posts)
MrsBW Wed 19-Mar-14 17:45:55

For whatever reason?

Thanks

jojane Wed 19-Mar-14 17:51:03

I don't but I was adopted with a sibling and 2 other siblings were adopted by another family, we have had contact on and off over the years. (there was an older sibling adopted before I was born who we have no idea about)

RabbitRabbit78 Wed 19-Mar-14 18:00:53

Yes, other siblings are with extended birth family.

OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing Wed 19-Mar-14 18:20:40

Yes

DD1 has 5 (birth) siblings
DD2 and DS have siblings in double figures

Both the girls entered care witg some of their siblings, and were then aplit up and placed alone in a foster home, before moving to me

DS was born after every other child was in care, so he has never lived with any of his siblings except DD2

Moomoomie Wed 19-Mar-14 18:54:45

Yes, my three girls have an older brother. They have letterbox contact with him.

Maiyakat Wed 19-Mar-14 19:03:28

Yes, in a variety of situations. The one who is adopted I would love to have contact with, but her adoptive parents aren't interested.

Always find it strange that lots of info tends to be given on the half-siblings on mum's side, but the half-siblings on dad's side seem to barely exist!

Moomoomie Wed 19-Mar-14 19:13:31

Oops, I forgot dd3 birth dad has a grown up daughter with a daughter of her own, so dd3 is an auntie to a child older than her! We don't have contact.

Happiestinwellybobs Wed 19-Mar-14 19:14:10

We have two half-siblings. One older than DD whose adoptive parents have elected not to engage in mailbox letters with us (which I am heartbroken about for DD) and one younger who is still in foster care awaiting adoption (I think).

MrsBW Wed 19-Mar-14 19:42:42

Thanks for all your replies.

Could I ask how you manage questions/have managed in the past, well meaning people asking about whether your child has siblings either in ear shot of them/out of earshot?

Reason I ask is we have a tentative link (for want of a better term) to a sibling group who have other siblings who won't be placed with them.

I'm quite an open person and have mentioned it (the tentative link) to a couple of close friends. One asked if they have any other siblings - which took me by surprise.

I'm kind of taking the attitude to well meaning questions - if you could find the answer on Google, I'll answer them If you can't, I probably won't or will give a vague answer. But this is the first question I've been asked that I can't deflect with a 'non answer answer' if that makes sense.

I would have answered with the 'why do you ask' response, but this friend is not nosy and was generally interested (which I appreciated doesn't mean you should answer - but hopefully you know what I mean...

I was just wondering if you'd come across it before, what you said and how your DC felt about people knowing about their 'other' siblings?

Any other things you've found happened as a result of having siblings who weren't placed with you that surprised you/would be good to know?

Thanks!!

Devora Wed 19-Mar-14 20:35:53

dd has a number of half siblings, none of whom live together or with birth parents. They are much older than dd and from what I know they are in a pretty bad state; contact at this stage is out of the question.

There is also a younger half sibling, who was offered to us. Sadly we felt we had to say no. I asked ss to pass on to the adoptive parents that we would be very keen for direct contact. A year on and I am chasing unsuccessfully for an update. I feel my dd is very near asking and I don't quite understand the need for radio silence, but there you go.

Other people have asked, but rarely. They're usually more interested in establishing whether dd1 and dd2 are like 'real' sisters.

MrsBW Wed 19-Mar-14 20:51:52

Thanks Devora

The proportion of people who've asked whether the two we're looking at are siblings is unreal - as though (as someone else put it recently) SS would throw together two children who had never met and 'hope for the best'.

Every day is a school day in this process, isn't it?

Kewcumber Wed 19-Mar-14 21:13:53

I have no idea if DS has siblings (with birth family or otherwise) and it hasn't yet occurred to him that he might.

If its a good enough friend that you don;t mind the probing too much then you just have to be honest "I'm sorry but I really can't discuss that. It wouldn;t be right to discuss it before its even something the children are aware of. Other people knowing before them doesn't feel right to me. I'm sure you understand"

If they aren't close enough to say that to then "why do you ask?" is good as you say and when they say "just curious/wondering etc" just say "Oh right" and change the subject.

fasparent Wed 19-Mar-14 21:28:11

Have 3 sibling groups all have multiple siblings , all are in contact with each other all extend contact with each other in excess of 22 children all get on well together positive happy ending., even with contact with BP'ts ., was not always so but outcome worked out positive., many now also have their own children and family's , and of course Grandparent's.

Misfitless Wed 19-Mar-14 21:33:15

Have only read fasparent's post...wasn't lurking but this post was the first on last 15 minutes so I just clicked on it.

You are amazing!

Just saying!

Kewcumber Wed 19-Mar-14 22:21:09

We are. Thank you kindly.

Kewcumber Wed 19-Mar-14 22:21:33

Or were you talking specifically to fasparent? [sulk]

KristinaM Wed 19-Mar-14 22:23:53

What Kew said.

Both times

excitedmamma Wed 19-Mar-14 22:24:01

Our LO has a full sibling who lives elsewhere... we have weekly direct contact by our own choice ... sibling has direct contact with bp's and we simply explained situation to appropriate people in a basic matter of fact way... there are reasons but they must remain confidential.. or something similar.. the initial interest soon fades.... good luck with your possible link..

Misfitless Wed 19-Mar-14 22:49:18

No, the whole lot of you smile.

KristinaM Thu 20-Mar-14 07:50:30

< preens >

< wonders why no one in RL thinks I'm amazing >

fasparent Thu 20-Mar-14 08:20:51

All ours started as Open adoptions so feel a bit of a cheat, So children had a choice some at the start some later, we had too be supportive too all situations and choices, hence the respect they have of each other and their individual decisions they make, has its ups and downs as in any large family, but on the whole it has worked out fine for all.

Hels20 Thu 20-Mar-14 08:37:18

3 separate sibling groups. OMG. Fasparent you are amazing. (As is everyone else naturally…)

Fusedog Thu 20-Mar-14 10:58:23

Our dd has two siblings

One was adopted by another couple and the other is with there birth father who is no dd father

We are quite pissed off as the adopters of dd brother only found out last week she even existed. And they had said they WOULD have taken her on if they were informed of her birth ffs

KristinaM Thu 20-Mar-14 22:49:18

< considers fighting FASparent for Amazing award >

< realises that I'm out of my league and hands it back >

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 21-Mar-14 22:14:37

DD has siblings, I think it's one thing we haven't handled very well in that although I thought we had talked about them, DS clearly hasn't realised that he isn't DD's only sibling, even though she is his sole sibling. I don't know how we're going to grapple with this one - any thoughts?

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