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Me again! Regards pictures

(8 Posts)
StupidMistakes Fri 21-Feb-14 17:04:53

I am aware that I am not allowed to keep the pictures, but I will get my letter on the 6th, unfortunately I cant get there on Tuesday so have to wait another 9 days before I get it, as I have medical commitments.

I have asked the social worker whether my best friend who she has met on numberous occasions, would be able to be present when I see the pictures as this is my first contact, and I don't want it to be so traumatic that it affects my ability to be able to maintain contact with my DS, I have also asked that when I do see the photos they send whether I can see all the previous photos sent as well so I can see at each contact how much he has changed, grown and developed between each letter.

I understand the security issue why I cannot keep the photos, but am now concerned I will only ever see them the once, and then they will be put on file and I wont see them again.

TeenAndTween Fri 21-Feb-14 17:13:58

Personally I can't see why you shouldn't be able to see all photos ever sent so you can see them in context.

However, I happily send good quality photos to our DD's BM every 6 months which she gets to keep. She is aware that if they were 'misused' (eg put on internet) they would stop.

You don't strike me as a security risk. Is there no chance you would be allowed to keep them if you promised to keep them to yourself?

StupidMistakes Fri 21-Feb-14 17:22:50

I am not a security risk to my son, I have accepted this is what is best and would never unsettle him, he NEEDS stability and me unsettling him is me putting myself before him, social services have been very clear they aren't prepared to take the risk, perhaps because they feel contact should be equaly open with both me and his father and his father is a security risk IMO, he hasn't accepted the placement order and was sending me abusive messages after my mum died to spend my inheritance <which there was none in the end it went to my older sister>on a new solicitor and taking social services back to court, which I wasn't prepared to do regardless.

It doesn't make it any less painful that my gorgeous miracle isn't with me, however having said that dragging it out only makes it harder for me, and for my son, and for everyone involved, which is why so long as a contact agreement is in place before they apply for the adoption order, is why I wont contest it at all but will back it. I have met them and they are amazing people so I have no doubt they will do an amazing job of our son <hes all of ours, mine, theirs and his bio dads>

Moomoomie Fri 21-Feb-14 20:49:56

I can't see any reason that you won't be able to see all the photos each time. They will all be kept on file in one place. If you explain to your SW that you would like to view them all each year/6 months. It will help you to see how much your little man has grown.
Continuing to send you all best wishes.

crazeekitty Fri 21-Feb-14 20:59:12

Part of our contact order is that no photos are to be exchanged. SM I think that you will get so many different opinions on here because every case is different that you may end up even more muddled. Have you signed the contact agreement yet? That would be where the conditions about photos are laid out. Perhaps your contact sw could explain things more clearly to you? It seems that you are really in the dark.

StupidMistakes Fri 21-Feb-14 21:12:06

I don't expect to take them home. I have been asking and pushing but still waiting. They have one for me to sign in two weeks. Every case is different but surely if I was a risk the judge wouldn't have recommended open adoption be explored

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 21-Feb-14 21:56:09

We don't allow photos to be kept because although we are happy DD's BM isn't a security risk, we can't be certain members of her family wouldn't try to use them in an inappropriate way, possibly without BM's knowledge or consent. I would be happy for her to have a friend with her when she views the pictures though, and think it is an entirely reasonable request to be able to see all the photos set out so you can see how much they have grown.

Hope the medical stuff goes OK and the letterbox contact is helpful for you.

StupidMistakes Sat 22-Feb-14 01:10:21

Thank you. I have asked that I keep any drawings they send as there's no way of using them to trace him. Social services are aware I have no family. My mum died 3 weeks after he was placed for adoption and my dad has been dead many years. I do not talk to my sister at all however I understand they can't take this risk.

I have emailed the social worker to ask why my best friend can't be present and about seeing all pictures

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