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Bumped into their brother(8 Posts)
Ive been a "lurker" for a while but need some support. We are almost a year into placement and yesterday purely by accident bumped into the childrens' brother at a play centre. They were placed separately because of his additional needs (he is alot older) They are due to have direct contact once a year but this was decided not to be a good idea at this time. We let them play and have a cuddle and introduced ourself to the person he was with in case it unsettled him seeing them. He just seemed genuinely excited to see them . Im just not sure we did the rigt thing. Has anyone experience of this?
Gosh, this is totally outside my experience, but don't want to leave you with no answers so have a little handsqueeze
FWIW it sounds like you were governed by good intentions and whether what you did was right thing, you did it for the right reasons.
I'm sure you'll get some proper support from the people who know about these things.
Hi Exellis it must have been really unsettling. I think you handled it well.
I am not sure what you mean by " Im just not sure we did the right thing." The only bit that sounds like you chose something was you chose to explain to the person who were with the brother who you/they were, which seems like a very sensible thing to do.
The decision for the children not to have direct contact at this time sounds like it was made by someone else, and the meeting was accidental so none of it is your 'fault' or responsibility. When you say "He just seemed genuinely excited to see them " do you mean the older one was excited? How did you little ones seem?
I have no experience of this at all and I would say that if there was positive interaction for all maybe it is not such a bad thing.
If the decision for them to see each other once a year is revisited then maybe you might find it works out well and is not detrimental, as you have not mentioned any 'fall-out' after the meeting.
I would imagine it is a huge balancing act, whether it is beneficial for one or all, and what the long term affects are in relation to the children seeing each other and having an awareness of each other.
You my well need professional help to determine this (IMHO).
I am sure a more wise and experienced person will be along soon to advise.
From my inexperienced point of view you handled it well and as long as you have not had any 'fall-out' afterwards it is possibly a good sign, it means if they accidently meet again you may well not have fall-out next time, BUT must say I have no experience of all this so just going on how the kids seem to have reacted to it.
Our situation was very involved and complicated afraid had too go with the flow, mainly caused by social social media networking , how ever all worked out positive. All were young adults 9 siblings in total are now in contact with each other , meet up very healthy situation. Also have a similar group of 3 all adopted by different family's out come was the same. Contact on the latter was agreed on adoption at an early age as adults they now have control of their own arrangements' with their own spouses and partners. Still at home though cant get them out, nice though.
Thanks for all the replies I really appreciate you tall taking the time to reply. Yes it was the eldest that was excited I think our little ones didnt really realise who he was. Neither seem thst unsettled by it which is good and funny enough the eldest who is almost four has been less controlling in her behaviour since the meet so maybe she does subconsciously realise the significance of it. As with all things adoption related you tend to overthink and analyse everything! Thanks again
I think you are completely right to think this through. I wonder if you can take advice on this from someone in relation to if it happens again etc?
I don't think you could / should have done anything differently in this scenario.
Have you mentioned it to your agency so they are aware?
Thanks yes I emailed the children's social worker as soon as it happened and she was fine with it all.
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