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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

How could I search for my sibling who was adopted by my parents?

(14 Posts)
lostinindia Thu 13-Feb-14 20:20:58

My brother was adopted by my parents in 1970s. We last had contact with him in 1984 when the relationship between my brother and our parents broke down.

The name my parents gave him is very common (along the lines of John Smith). There is no way of knowing whether he changed his name back to his birth name (both fore and surname were changed at adoption). I don't know his birth surname.

I've searched Friends Reunited (schools),Facebook, I've googled, births deaths & Marriages for the UK. I've looked on and off for years but due to family circumstances I can't be open about this to my parents (who are now very elderly).

Do you have any tips on where else I could search?

Thank you.

KristinaM Thu 13-Feb-14 21:41:37

The Salvation Army help people look for lost family members

They don't help in adoption cases, but that might not be relevant in your case as he is legally your brother . Its worth contacting them and asking .

I know they don't help birth family members look for adoptees or vice versa

lostinindia Thu 13-Feb-14 22:30:05

Thank you Kristina. I think I naively thought that the internet would make the search easier. All I have to go on is DoB and name, and he was known by a shortened version of that - so searching for long and short versions of forenames increases the search results, which are in their 100s anyway.

Italiangreyhound Fri 14-Feb-14 02:58:34

lostinindia I don't know if this organisation can help but they say

'Are you searching for someone?' and you are....

If you know details like the organisation they were adopted through this may help, I don't know. I am sorry you can't be open with your parents. Have you tried to talk to them or is it too painful, difficult?

Good luck. Just bear in mind, of course, he may not want to be found. Would some counselling help in case your search is fruitless, or maybe some counselling in case you find him.

Is there is an organisation that looks for adopted siblings?

This may be about people tracing birth siblings who were adopted out of their birth family rather than tracing people adopted into their family but may be able to help ....

Another place to try is



Italiangreyhound Fri 14-Feb-14 03:00:33

' I am sorry you can't be open with your parents.' wasn't meant as any criticism. My mum has dementia and I couldn't talk to her about anything much from past as she would not be able to discuss but I got the impression with your parents it was because it was personal/sad etc so 'I am sorry you can't be open with your parents' wasn't meant as any kind of criticism.

JennySense Wed 19-Feb-14 18:44:18

Heya. I'm just wondering if you have tried ? It's not just for ancestors. If you have the date of birth and original name then it should be possible to find some info.

I'm a family history geek - been doing it for 14 yrs- and do a lot of online research in my day job. If you'd like me to search records for you please just pm me in total confidence. I'm good at spotting possible links.

Have you thought about any groups or interests he had?

My SIL was reunited with her adopted son after many many years of searching. Other posters have mentioned getting some support too and you may find it helpful as did my SIL. smile

Meerka Mon 24-Feb-14 09:24:56

getting his adoption certificate may help from here it's where all birth, marriage and adoption certs are held in the UK. Small fee.

I can't remember if the adoption certificate has the original birth name on, and I can't find my own atm to check, too much builder's stuff in the way! Maybe someone else can remember. If it does then you could ask for the birth cert next, which will probably have at least the birth mother's name on and if you're lucky, the birth father's.

lostinindia Mon 24-Feb-14 15:44:44

Meerka thats really useful. Thank you.
I won't be able to use the ancestory webiste until I have obtained his birth name - thanks for the heads up Jenny. He was 16 (he'll be 45 now) when I last saw him and no specific interests that I can remember.
Italian, the reason I cant be open with my parents is that they treated him very badly, shocking stuff that I don't feel comfortable going into. They disowned him.

lostinindia Mon 24-Feb-14 15:45:45

Italian - I meant to say thank you for the links. Most helpful.

lostinindia Mon 24-Feb-14 15:57:27

Adoption certificate ordered. Hoping I supplied enough information. I'm nervous in case it's all going to end up in disaster.

KristinaM Mon 24-Feb-14 19:37:43

I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I suspect what you have ordered is an extract from the adopted children's register. It will have on it your brothers name, parents name and address etc, much like your own birth certificate.

You are not permitted to order or even see his first birth certificate with his birth details. That record is closed and can only be accessed by your brother himself .

I'm not sure how it would help you in your search anyway,given that you already know his name, DOB etc. why do you think that knowing his name before his adoption help you?

lostinindia Tue 25-Feb-14 00:10:36

St caths e-mailed back to say they don't have any info and have given me a refund minus search costs.
Birth name was just a thought in case he changed his name back. No other reason.

KristinaM Tue 25-Feb-14 15:31:53

I'm sorry. I think you will need to focus on you search using the information that you have already. The adoption register for the country in which you live might be willing to put a letter on your brothers file, which he could be given if he contacts them. It's a long shot but worth the price of a stamp I think

Did you try the Salvation Army?

lostinindia Tue 25-Feb-14 22:21:58

Thanks. I live in the UK, I'll look into the adoption register. Unfortunately all I have is a name and DoB. I haven't tried the Salvation Army.

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