nurseries and time out.

[Inthebeginning]

I know I'm stressing, we haven't even been officially matched yet BUT. in the books and training etc it says about how not to do time out but time in.
But what about when they're at nursery. What if they use time out there. Does that matter?
Would it make them/ matter if it made them, feel rejected if it was used there?
I know I'm fretting!

[Devora]

And breathe!

When your child starts nursery, you absolutely can and should discuss discipline with them (though IME they are often resistant to considering any child as a 'special case'). I don't know if it's the norm, but my dd's nursery do not use time out for any child.

When the time comes, you will have to be an active advocate for your child on occasions as they travel through the school system. We will be here to hold your hand

[SherbetDibDab]

Time out is never used at our nursery.

[breatheslowly]

Neither of the nurseries that DD has been to used time out. Generally children seem to be better behaved at nursery anyway as it is a structured environment designed for children. They follow what the others do and are kept interested and busy.

[Italiangreyhound]

You can choose a nursery and this will be one of your questions, no doubt! Good luck.

[Inthebeginning]

thank you! I'm such a fretter! can't believe it's actually happening so now I've set myself off on other things :-) you know why I started worrying about this? because I was reading in another thread (child biting at nursery)and it said something in one of the replies about time out at nursery!

[Thepoodoctor]

Don't worry! I think when choosing a nursery you will need to talk about how they discipline and that will include asking whether they use time out, consequences, sticker charts etc etc which MAY not work well for a child with attachment issues. You want to look overall for a place which will accept and work with your child as an individual rather than having a rigid behaviour management policy.

Re the biting thread, there's time out and time out. Removing a child from a situation to let them calm down, defuse, reflect a bit, can be really helpful - key strategy for my DS - and I think that's more what they were talking about.

[BertieBowtiesAreCool]

In my experience time out tends to be used more in day nurseries for younger children, rather than preschools. I may be wrong but i would have thought it would be unusual for an adopted child to attend a nursery of this kind, partly due to them being older by the time they are placed but also because adopted children can have more of a need to be at home at this age.

[SoonToBeSix]

Yes my dc nursery uses time out but it is a private day nursery. Never heard of a pre school using time out.

[drspouse]

We use a workplace nursery and I am pretty sure they don't use this. It is a bit pointless with under-2s (probably with under-3s actually) as they wouldn't really understand it, in the sense of "think about what you've done". I think they would remove a child from the situation but that's not quite the same.

[Choccyjules]

My workplace nursery's policies stated they didn't use time out and I never caught them doing so, either.

However, DD is in Reception and reports back on who has had to 'sit wih the sand-timer' on a daily basis. So I will be having that conversation with school at some point in the distant future, when we hope to welcome our second child via adoption.

[Maiyakat]

I didn't even think to ask about discipline when looking round nurseries... [bad mother face]

[Choccyjules]

I only heard of 'time in' on our day one training...

[LastingLight]

What is 'time in'?

[FamiliesShareGerms]

"Time in" is sitting with your child but not necessarily engaging with them for a short period - ie they aren't excluded

None of the nurseries DS or DD have been to used time out

[unusednickname]

I asked about behaviour management at both of the pre schools I looked at for DD (BC) and at one of them the headteacher looked at.me as though I'd asked to see her policy on Christmas Tree lighting and said 'Well we just do what you'd do at home...time out and things'

Which was a hugely reassuring and well thought out response from a highly paid professional working with vulnerable young people in a complex urban school and is the reason why DD goes to the other school for nursery.

So ask. And then advocate if you don't like what you hear or vote with your feet I guess :)

[unusednickname]

Oops! In me wrong namechange...

[Littlefish]

We use "time in" at the nursery where I work, as a way of removing a child from a situation which is causing them stress. An adult will sit with them, but not engage with them. Interestingly, the quiet corner where this takes place is a very popular place for many of the children who just want a bit of a chill out as there are comfy cushions there!

[lilyaldrin]

Good nurseries won't use time-out/exclusion as discipline anyway. I would suggest seeking out a state nursery or children's centre as the staff tend to be better qualified and higher paid than private day nurseries, and more likely to have a good grasp of attachment theory (I work in a LA nursery and 2 staff in my team are qualified to degree level and we have also had specific training days on attachment theory and working with children who have had disrupted starts - we have children most years who are or have been fostered or adopted).

[BertieBowtiesAreCool]

Time in as I understand it isn't just supervised time out, it's supposed to be about recognising that the misbehaviour is a symptom of something else, often need for more close attention and spending that time with the child focusing on them and improving the connection between you which then helps to improve behaviour in the future. Not practical, or particularly appropriate for a nursery setting since it's more about attachment between parent and child.

However it could be the term has been misappropriated and this is now the accepted usage, like has happened with "time out" which when first invented was not supposed to be about exclusion at all, more giving child space away from a situation to calm down which could be with an adult's help or alone depending on the child's age, personality, needs etc.

[Inthebeginning]

thank you everyone. This is being added to my list of things we need to look out for. I had never thought about nurseries and time out but want to make sure, discipline is done child appropriately. Thank you again. inthe

[Kewcumber]

I can't imagine a nursery using time in. I have always done it (though never been taught it as a known technique) and it didn't come from a place of recognising that DS's behaviour as a symptom of something else (because it isn't always obvious if that the case) just as the only method which worked to calm him down and he was pathologically terrified of time out or the naughty step.

We used a Montessori nursery for DS and I was very happy with their approach and discipline techniques (which frankly you struggle to spot they were so low key). They talked a lot about making good choices which is something I've used ever since (I know this kind of approach isn't unique to Montessori).

I think the child centred Montessori approach should be pretty much standard these days as I think it might be required under EYFS (Littlefish could probably confirm) but some nurseries are better at it in practice!

Don't borrow trouble - it'll be a long time before you're considering nurseries with a lot of challenges before then. By the time you'#re in a position to consider a nursery/pre-school then you'll know your child a lot better.

By the way DS's school does time out and he has no problem with it - mostly because it's not really time out, it's sitting quietly in the classroom with the rest of the class still there. He doesn't see it as an exclusion which is what scares him, so even if they say they do time out you might want to find out what that means in practice.