Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Is this wording ok for a card for friends when they adopt their little girl?

(51 Posts)
CosyTeaBags Thu 02-Jan-14 16:20:23

Friends of mine will shortly be adopting a little 6yo girl. I am so happy for them, and wanted to send them a nice card. I'd also read a bit on here from people saying it's nice to receive cards and acknowledge the new child, celebrate the adoption etc.

So - first question - is it ok to send a congratulations card? Don't want to be insensitive to the little girl's feelings in any way, and if she might prefer there to be no fuss about her moving in with hew new parents, then I would respect that.

Secondly, I have bought a card with a poem on it, I thought the words were lovely, but now I'm having second thoughts. The poem is as follows:

'If' for Little Girls

IF she enchants you from the moment that her tiny life begins
If she amuses you for hours with her giggles and her grins,
If every time she smiles at you she steals your heart away,
And whenever you're together it's your favourite time of day...

If she's the cutest, sweetest baby that you have ever seen,
If she knows just what she likes and rules your household like a queen...

If the hopes and dreams you have for her are all you're thinking of,
then she's your darling daughter - the little girl you love!

Wishing you every happiness with your new little girl.

I really loved the words about her ruling the household like a queen, and the hopes and dreams they have for her, and how she's their daughter.

But I'm worried that the words 'the moment her tiny life begins' and 'sweetest baby' are obviously inappropriate. I can tell my friend that although I realize some of the words don't fit, I just really liked the rest of the poem and thought she would like it too.

There are also little pictures on the card - flowers, cute shoes and a dress, but there's also a baby bottle.

My friends struggled to conceive for years before applying for adoption - so I don't want to cause offence in any way with the baby references. If people think this is inappropriate, I'm happy to find a different card.

What do you think?

CosyTeaBags Thu 02-Jan-14 16:22:33

I've just had another thought - perhaps I could buy another card, and write the poem inside and tweak the words slightly.

'Tiny life begins' could be re-written as 'life with you begins'

and 'cutest, sweetest baby' could be 'sweetest little lady' or something???

Donki Thu 02-Jan-14 16:26:28

That sounds like a lovely idea CTB

HectorVector Thu 02-Jan-14 16:26:45

Buy another card. The girl is six and not a baby.

But it's lovely you're acknowledging the adoption with a congratulations card.

frankie4 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:27:02

It's a lovely thought to send a card, but I think the poem has too much reference to babies, and not a 6 year old child. So maybe you could tweak it a lot, or just write your own more personal message in it instead.

JohnnyUtah Thu 02-Jan-14 16:28:35

I think it us a really lovely idea. But I think you should buy a different card and put your own words in it.

BerylThePeril44 Thu 02-Jan-14 16:34:26

That would be much better! Adoption is very different to becoming a mother through giving birth and references to baby stage feels a little uncomfortable. I adopted my daughter when she was nearly 4 and was very touched by cards etc that were sent to us...usually 'congratulations' ones though you can get adoption cards on internet and some people ordered a personalised card. I was also thrilled that people bought her a small 'welcome' gift such as a book or game(as you would have done to welcome a new baby)something small is better so as not to overwhelm. You sound like a very thoughtful person...especially as some people can be completely thoughtless when it comes to adoption.

Lilka Thu 02-Jan-14 16:41:50

I'd definitely send a congratulations card!

Personally I'd do as you just thought and buy a blank card, and rewrite the poem yourself with some changed bits - more personal and I would have truly appreciated a friend taking the time to do it

CosyTeaBags Thu 02-Jan-14 16:43:30

Thanks everyone for the replies - so do people think that I should scrap the poem altogether, or just re-write it with the teaks that I suggested?

I will also buy a little gift... I know of some lovely books that my DNephews have loved, I'll find one of those.

I'm just so thrilled for my friend and want it to be special without being overwhelming for them.

Can people also suggest how long we should leave it before going to visit? They are good friends of mine, but they have lots of friends and will likely receive a lot of visitors.

CosyTeaBags Thu 02-Jan-14 16:43:52

tweaks not teaks, obviously...

5HundredUsernamesLater Thu 02-Jan-14 17:02:47

You sound like you are very excited too, I bet you are a fab friend.
I like the sound of the blank card idea with the poem that you like tweaked to suit the occasion and a small gift. More personal then just a congratulations card.
As for visiting could you maybe send a congratulations text and say you would love to visit soon and asking her to let you know when would be the best time. That way she knows you are thinking of her but also giving the child a chance to settle in before you rush round there.

CosyTeaBags Thu 02-Jan-14 17:07:07

Thanks 5Hundred - I value this friendship a lot, she's lovely, and they're such a lovely couple. They have so much to give this little girl smile

I will indeed ask my friend for guidance on when it will be best to visit. She's pretty forthright and will have no problem setting appropriate rules and boundaries.


HappySunflower Thu 02-Jan-14 22:26:53

A bit of a 'lock down' period is normal when a child first comes home. This helps them to settle in a pond not feel too overwhelmed by so many new people. Its wonderful that you are so excited for them, but please don't be too disappointed if it is several weeks or months before you are able to visit them smile

A moonpig card might be a more personal way of expressing your congratulations smile
My thoughtful SIL made us a beautiful adoption card which meant a lot to me and went straight in my daughter's memory box!

Kewcumber Thu 02-Jan-14 22:29:03

Few people fall in love at first sight with 6 yr old girls (otherwise the world would be full of people trying to smuggle their children out of the door whilst they aren't looking). Indeed they may well spend a significant amount of time in the first few weeks/months (depending on whether they get a honeymoon period) wondering what the hell they've done. So references to how much they love her may be a bit misplaced.

I'd tend to go for a slightly blander congratulations on the lovely new addition to the family - but I may be over thinking that just remembering my period of bonding (or lack of) luckily I didn't see anyone for about 6 weeks afterwards so I'd kinda got a grip a bit by then.

Its a lovely thought though - please do send her a card, many people won;t.

I would absolutely wait until you are invited and when you go treat them as if they have had a new born, take food and drink with you (unless told not to) - living with a stranger 24/7 and pretending they are your child is exhausting!

Italiangreyhound Fri 03-Jan-14 02:20:08

Cosy I am not yet an adopter but I have to echo Kew.

I think sending a card is a great idea. It's a massive step and wonderful for her to have some lovely cards to 'mark' the 'occasion' of the little girl coming home.

However, I would avoid the poem altogether. A simple bland message about a new addition and a positive hope for a great future as a family would be lovely I think. The poem would need (IMHO) a lot of tweaking because it is talking about the tiny baby who comes along and no issues etc and is really talking about a very 'perfect' new baby scenario.

You said My friends struggled to conceive for years before applying for adoption and so your friend probably has a lot of emotions going on and I would go with a positive, happy wish for a brilliant future without too many expectations of what the immediate future will be like.

You sound like a great friend and I am sure she will be very happy to get your card and gift.

IrisWildthyme Fri 03-Jan-14 02:44:17

Sending a card is a brilliant idea - but I really don't like that poem AT ALL!

Keep it simple - just write "congratulations on the arrival of your daughter" or somesuch.

Anything more complex could trigger unwelcome implications - depending on what has happened in this little girl's life up till now, they might be dealing with all sorts of different issues. Some of which could make that poem massively inappropriate and possibly offensive.

RudolphLovesoftplay Fri 03-Jan-14 06:22:42

I agree with others about a short sentiment in a blank card. They are more than likely going to have quite a tough time with their new DD, so the ruling the household like a queen line is probably the most inappropriate line in the poem.

You sound a lovely friend, and really thoughtful. I had brilliant support from my friends when we adopted our DS's, I kept everything they gave us as presents in the boys memory boxes.

LineRunner Fri 03-Jan-14 06:29:50

Tbh, I wouldn't use that poem or any edited version of it. It is a nice idea to send a card to mark the arrival of their daughter, and a kind message along those lines would be fine, as said above.

peasweet05 Fri 03-Jan-14 06:58:01

It's a beautiful poem, but agree that it's more relevant to a newborn. What a thoughtful idea! Definately send her a card, you sound a great friend.

Alanna1 Fri 03-Jan-14 07:03:27

Get something for the little girl! At 6 - a dress, crafty activities....

FamiliesShareGerms Fri 03-Jan-14 07:45:19

I'd send a blander "congratulations" card and save the poem for another occasion - eg following the court order when adoption becomes permanent.

Wait to be invited over - no one knows how it will go in the early days. A couple of supportive texts could be helpful.

Something small like a favourite book would be a lovely present.

Theas18 Fri 03-Jan-14 07:54:55

It's not a baby! Get a lovely blank card and write something meaningful for the current situation in it.

I'm not a poet or particularly articulate at these things but a simple " so pleased that you are the family you have been through so much to become over so long. Would love to hear from you/see you soon, and if want to chat just call" sort of thing!

Misfitless Fri 03-Jan-14 07:58:38

Sorry to not read whole thread - have only got a minute.

This might have already been suggested....

"If she enchants you from the minute that her life with you begins..."
"If she's the most special, important child that you have ever seen"

What a lovely idea. I wish I'd have thought of this when my friends were adopting xx

Misfitless Fri 03-Jan-14 08:00:02

I think because you love the poem so much, you should maybe find a blank card that you love the picture on, and hand write the poem in the card. I would be very touched if friend of mine had adapted something they love especially to fit in with our lives.

CosyTeaBags Fri 03-Jan-14 10:40:15

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful replies.

I'll think a bit more about it - if I think I can adapt the poem appropriately, I'll give it a go, but I'm happy to ditch it if it's not right. The last thing I want to do is cause upset or touch a nerve on any of the anxieties that might be affecting them.

Thanks again everyone

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: