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An anti-rant thread -- a place to celebrate the good. Come tell us your adoption joy!(24 Posts)
Our Ds is 6 and we have been a family for 18 months. He is the bestest thing we have ever done. I cannot imagine our life without him. I miss him when he is at school. His little arms hugging me, singing songs as we get ready for school, his cheekiness, his kind heart and the amazingly lovely things he says and just getting to share his amazement at life. I know I loved my DH but I didnt know just how much I could love until our son arrived. Merry Christmas to all.
Lovely thread. We adopted ds18 months ago, when he arrived he didn't like cuddles. This morning he got in to bed with us and gave me a massive cuddle then turned over and gave dh one aswell.
What wonderful posts! We are 1.5 weeks into our placement and we have have a family theme tune (our names to 'We are Family!' by Sister Sledge) which we sing at least twice a day. Yesterday, I caught DS singing it to himself while he was playing with his cars.
I read this in a book somewhere "Not a biological family but a logical family" Sums it up nicely, I think!
Oh & when he went out with grandparents last week, they said he shouted "love you mummy" in the car. Later that day he said he had missed me lots
I am still up & down some days, but these moments definitely make you realise it is all worth while
It is so lovely to hear happy stories
We're just over a month into our placement of our DS & great progress has been made. From not wanting to sit near me he constantly wants to jump on my back, occasionally brush my hair, & even sits lovely on my lap before bedtime. He even held my hand while doing so last night! Huge progress.
He has also recently started to open up to me a lot more about his FCs, questions and openly saying he misses them, which I am taking as a huge positive, he is now comfortable enough with me to ask such questions & not worry about loyalty issues
I must add my DH has been working away for the last two weeks (DS has a strong preference towards him) so perhaps this has helped our bonding process - I do hope it lasts & he doesn't revert back once he is home
I remember reading DD's profile (the first we had been shown) and having the gut wrenching feeling that she had to come to us, as I couldn't bear the thought of knowing she existed in the world but not with us.
That sounds bonkers reading it back, but I knew without doubt that she was meant to be part of our family. And on the first day we met her and she said "mummy" and "daddy" to us she seemed to agree
Life at times with ds can be a struggle. Life is always a struggle for ds. But there has never been a time that I wished I hadn't met him.
Even I find it incredible how much I love all my children - they are so different, with different needs and wants and interests, and yet my love for them seems neverending. It's amazing.
I cannot agree more with Maryz - I feel exactly the same way as she does. It is truly a gut wrenching thought which I don't like to ever think about, because the thought of never having met my children and them still being out there, is too awful to think about. Especially since neither DD would have been adopted if I hadn't adopted them (being realistic about it) and the idea of them being adults with no family is horrific
I'm crying now!! And this was supposed to be a happy thread!!!
I also agree with Kew that as far as I'm concerned, my family is a success story by just being here
I'm sure I post about difficult things and challenges a lot. I hope that my experience shows that you can be a positive success story (ie. a family) even if you deal with many issues and children with significant needs
See, that is my feeling about adoption.
If I hadn't had ds2 it wouldn't matter, because I would never know and he would never exist iyswim.
But if I hadn't adopted ds1 and dd, they would exist. They would be out there somewhere with someone else. They probably wouldn't be the exact people they are (which sadly in ds's case might be a good thing - I worry every day would he be happier with other parents ), but I find it gut-wrenchingly awful to think that I might never have met them.
I can't think off hand off a positive adoption story - DS is my positive adoption story all on his own.
But another thread reminded me that I still (and DS is 8 at the end of this month) can't read to the end of "How much do I love you" without crying.
It's been such a privilege to have him in my life, someone else could have adopted him and that wouldn't have done at all.
Our son moved in exactly a year ago this week when he was 2 and a half. Its so lovely now he is more attached and able to verbally express his feelings - he gives a, I love you mummy almost every day (although it is sometimes I love you poo poo head if he is feeling silly - I am equally to blame!). Sometimes he just looks around the room and says I love my home. He is more demanding in some other ways than other 3 year olds we know, but that doesnt make him any less special to us.
Can I add this? My dh was adopted at 6 months old and his parents then adopted his brother (not biologically related) 18 months later. They have their problems like any family but they are very close and we all love each other very much (ok, ok I hate my sil!!). We spend every Christmas together and my niece and nephew love our baby daughter very much. My in-laws are the best I could ever hope for. My dh has had the best life imaginable thanks to them. I wish you all lots of happiness. X
This is a lovely thread. We are finally approaching the end of our assessments and the beginning of our new family life and I really needed to hear the lovely things. There's so much talk of the negative stuff this make a nice change. Gives me hope that it's not all going to be a nightmare, that it'll be tough but worth it.
DD says "I love you mummy" and means it. (She also says it to try to deflect me when I'm cross with her, but she stirred in her sleep last night when I moved her away from the edge of the bed, and woke up just enough to murmur those words before fallingnback asleep. Makes me a little bit weepy...)
These are all so lovely
I will never get over the profound sense of wonder that these 3 beautiful people, who don't share the same genes that my BC would have with me, and didn't spend time in my womb, and in 2 cases, didn't spend half their whole childhoods with me....are nevertheless my children, who love me and see me as their mum
The little moments are really special, especially when they speak to more....the moments where DD2 comes and WANTS me to rock her back and forwards, the times she comes to me after having a nightmare, proving she trusts me to a big extent without needing to say it, the times DD1 has said 'you're my only mum, you're my true mum', the times she and DD2 use the word 'safe' in connection with me, the times we giggle and the times DS comes out with these gems (i'm still peeing myself laughing!!)
Of course there are the massive moments, like DD2's GCSE results which were the best she could have done and made me soo proud, DD1's wedding day and holding my newborn grandbabies for the first time
But really, they don't come along often and it's the little moments that keep me going and make me happy
I could fill a thread with my adoption joy stories:
DD (2.5) usually goes straight to bed without a fuss but last week was a bit out of sorts so I sat next to her bed and put my head on her pillow talking to her, trying to comfort her. She looked at me, kissed me and started to stroke my hair
My joy comes from the everyday things - her slipping her hand into mine, the hug I get when I pick her up from nursery, watching her play with her "babies" or snuggling up with our dog. I often forget she is adopted, but when it pops into my head I cannot get over how lucky we are
I forgot to put in last post...Maryz, you are so right about the adopted brother/sister thing. One of my pet hate questions, is "are they real brothers?". Mine are full blood relations, but even so, if they weren't, they would still be "real" brothers!!!
Bugger, that got a bit ranty didn't it
Lilka, your children sound so amazing!
I love my DS's sooo much and it's nice to be able to shout about it maybe even be a bit boasty
My youngest is really clever, his teacher said he is the most unique child she has ever taught and his imagination rivals most year 6 children (he's reception) so his story writing is wonderful.
My oldest is the most loving, kind, and selfless child you could ever meet. He has experienced neglect of the worse kind and has physical scars to show for it. Despite this, his ability to light up a room is unrivalled. He said to me the other day "even if you ever aren't here (he means death), you will always have a place in my heart." He is 5.
I love that lilka
ds2 has his first girlfriend and is in love [sigh]. He is 15.
My nice story about adoption is something he said. He's very, very sad at the moment about ds1 because they used to be so close. But he said recently "isn't it weird to think that ds1, dd and I shouldn't really be related at all, we weren't born into the same family, we don't have much in common, and yet we are always going to have an unbreakable tie, no matter what any of us do or where we go".
I thought it was interesting - we as parents choose to adopt our children. Our children don't choose each other,and yet the bond between them is just the same as if they were related by blood.
I don't usually refer to my children as "adopted son/daughter" but sometimes I have to on forms etc and I do it without
much complaint. But I will never, ever accept the terms "adopted brother/sister" because it seems very wrong to me.
Does that make sense to anyone?
That's so lovely! Thanks for sharing
Well, this isn't 'happy' per se but it's bloody funny and it's what I have for today and yesterday!
Yesterday evening, DS says to me, "When do you think I'll have my first girlfriend?" and follows it up with, "I think I want to get a girlfriend and lose my virginity when I'm 10 or 11"..... and my face is an absolute picture as you might imagine....and I said, "DS, what do you think 'losing your virginity means?"
Turns out he thinks that 'losing your virginity' means when you kiss a girl for the first time, because someone told him that, and he thinks 10 or 11 is a good age to get a girlfriend and lose your virginity by giving her a chaste peck on the lips...ahahahahaha
I told him what it actually means. He was SO embarassed, and I really didn't help because I was struggling not to laugh. I'm still laughing my head off writing this. It's too funny not to share
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