My dh and I had our first phone interview yesterday, the social worker said alot of positive comments about us and said that we were a very strong resource due to our ethnicities ( I am mixed Jamaican and English and dh is English) and looked favourably on me being a SAHM.
we are very much looking forward to meeting with her and she has scheduled a date for us to visit in March where we can do the official (request to be assessed I think?) as that is when our ds turns 3.
My only issue is that my PIL do not want us to adopt because they "don't see the point if you can have your own" and they also said they would not be able to bond with a non biological child. MIL even spectacularly did her wonderful crying trick followed by "why can't you just have a baby?!" I don't think they would even try to bond with our new family member should luck be on our side to be approved. My family on the other hand are majorly supportive and several of my older cousins are adopted and I know they will not let me down but I imagine the SW will want to speak with PIL. We rarely see them, but DH and I really want this and I will be devastated if PIL would be able to ruin this for us. How much weight will their attitude carry as far as SW is concerned?
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Can this stop us from adopting?
Bunraku · 12/10/2013 07:44
Just to add SWs will not speak to PILs unless you put them forward as referees. Every prospective adopter has to give referees (seems to be between 3-5 depending on LA) and they may ask for one to be family, but you can choose who it is. They will ask re family support in the assessment, and you need to be honest, but not necessarily give all details (e.g. say PILs aren't very involved with DS, you hope they will become more involved again when new child joins family but can't force it and you have lots of support from other family members). Then depends on SW how much more info they'll ask for. Don't see that it will stop you though.
Good luck - it's a crazy journey but so worth it! 
We have had to cut all contact with certain relatives for a similar reason . However, we don't feel that we are " depriving our birth children of a relationship with their grandparents " . It's the grandparents who are choosing to deprive themselves of half of their family because of their stubborn refusal to accept some of their grandchildren and treat them properly .
TBH, in our case it's more of a refusal to accept that their adult children have made choices that they don't approve of and can't control .
It's been very hard, especially as the grandparents get older and you have to live with a lot of guilt and sadness but age has not mellowed them. However they are a hard case, I suspect that 99% of grandparents will come round when the child arrives .
I'm just saying that you have to be prepared to make hard choices and that your children must always come first .
Many prospective adopters seem to find this very VERY hard. There are many threads here where poster say eg " SW have advised that we limit visits in the first few months home but this is upsetting for our friends /family /neighbours so we are just going to ignore it " .
Or " the SW has told us not to tell anyone about the child's background but we feel our family /friends /neighbours/mums at the school gate /local shopkeepers are entitled to know our child's personal information so we are going to tell everyone anyway "
Because obviously these people's feelings are more important than their child's welfare 
You need to accept that when you adopt , not everyone will approve of your choices . It's hard, I know.
How stupid that they are willing to lose their child over this 
But well done to you for making this tough decision. We're very likely to be losing contact at some stage over the next few years - that's been made abundantly clear over the time I have known PILs and, like you, I'm just glad that we have one brilliant set of grandparents for DD and any ACs we might be lucky enough to be approved for because not everybody gets that do they?
Bunraku I am so sorry your in-laws are being so difficult. Totally their loss but do be sensitve to your DH who must feel it very much. They are not just losing their current grand son and their future grand child but their own son! How very sad , as someone else pointed out.
Whatever their thoughts or reasons they are the ones who will miss out.
I have a friend in real life who has a pretty terrible relationship with her parents but still feels she needs to visit them at great financial and personal cost. She can't cut the string because she feels it is right to stay in touch. I think parenting is a duty and a joy, and being a child does not mean you have to stick with your parents whatever behaviour they put out, so although it will be hard hopefully there will be guilt for your dh. I am just saying, and I am sure you will be brilliant at supporting him as you sound lovely, do support him in this as a son to his parents, just ensuring he doesn't feel any guilt etc. It is their poor choice. Good luck with the future.
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