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Advice with being deferred at adoption panel

(8 Posts)
HL1310 Sun 29-Sep-13 19:51:50

Hi everyone.

Just wanted to find out if anyone has been through the same as me and my OH are going through. We started the adoption process in December last year and since then our social worker has took us to panel, me and my OH are both overweight and because of this panel deferred us till next year and said that we needed to lose weight but haven't give us any target to aim for - they said they just want us to lose it, this was the first time through the whole process that anyone had mentioned us being overweight and that it would be a problem. We have both started losing weight. We are worried about going back next year and them sending us away again as its very upsetting, just wanted to know if anyone has been though this and what the outcome was in the end?

Thanks in advance for any replys x

Italiangreyhound Sun 29-Sep-13 19:56:41

Dear HL1310 so sorry to hear this, it must have been a blow. Can you ask your social worker what she expects, especially as you have made progress you can say how you are doing. How long has it been since panel?

All the best.

HL1310 Sun 29-Sep-13 20:00:19

It was a huge blow. Its been 2 months since panel, our social worker has said we are doing really well and said she can't see a problem when we go back but she didn't think we were going to have a problem the 1st time round so we are still really worried about it. Thank you

Kewcumber Sun 29-Sep-13 20:03:08

Yes you certainly need to ask your adoption manager what she or the medical advisor thinks is acceptable. I would assume about 1lb per week would be okay.

It may not have come up before if the medical advisor raised it.

HL1310 Sun 29-Sep-13 20:24:32

We have asked what they think but all they have said is to lose weight which is partly why were so worried because we have no idea what they want sad

Italiangreyhound Sun 29-Sep-13 23:21:19

You can't lose too much weight in one go, it is not healthy to do that and it is unlikely to stay off if you do it that way. Can you read up a bit on line about the healthiest, safest way to lose weight and see what is recommended as a minimum and maximum weight loss.

I think it would be wrong for social services to expect you to lose more than the healthy safe maximum weight loss per week and if you can show what changes you have made in your lifestyle to account for the weight loss I would imagine this would be impressive and helpful for the social workers. EG if you turn up and you have lost weight and they say how, and you can show you are now eating more healthily, exercising etc then they will see it is a long term change.

Might this be useful?

I need to lose weight too so please do share any tips! Good luck.

HL1310 Tue 01-Oct-13 23:23:12

Thanks for the advice. I will take a good luck around and see what I find, will let you know if anything good. Thanks again

Familyfinder Tue 22-Oct-13 18:56:20

Sorry to hear about you set back and great to hear you are losing some of the weight they suggest. Sometimes I think Social Workers just want you to prove that you are in this for the long haul and by showing them you will do what they suggest you are taking seriously that you want to be healthy and able to enjoy your adopted child fully. When we went to panel they asked us how long we thought it would take to decorate and furnish our house fully. Like you we just went home carried on decorating, 3 weeks later our SW came to see how we had got on, we had not finished but were proving we were serious about getting our 'house in order' perhaps this is what they are expecting of you both not get to you ideal weight or BMI accepted level just making a start.

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