I need some support

[shiningstar22]

Hi everyone

Im 14 weeks pregnant and have decided to have the baby adopted. At the moment I havent spoken to anyone about this but I know its the right decision.

Im scared about telling people, has anyone been through this?

[Roshbegosh]

You will get a lot of people trying to influence your decision on MN. Are you really sure of what you think s the right thing to do? This is such a huge thing to deal with, do you have any support? What's going through your mind! And breathe ... You have got time to think x

[Roshbegosh]

Bump

[Roshbegosh]

I think this is in the wrong place, could you ask MN to move this thread to "pregnancy" or one with more traffic?

[shiningstar22]

ok i will post in pregnancy

thanks

[Lilka]

I'm an adoptive mum so I don't have experience but there a few women on Mumsnet who have made the same decision as you, and we've had one or two threads relatively recently about this. The rest of us can give you information/advice about the adoption process, law etc, but we've not been through it ourselves

There's a thread about the adoption process (for pregnant women) here if you want to read it - Considering Adoption

I'm sure telling your family must be a scary prospect. If there's anyone in your family you especially are close to and trust, you might take them aside and tell them first? You aren't under any obligation to tell everyone or answer questions you don't want to. I wish you all the best x

[shiningstar22]

hi lilka

thanks for the link. The only person i have told so far is my best friend, she has been great so supportive. Ive spoken to my gp as well and he has been supportive too. My next step is to tell my manager at work. Im dreading it :(

[Lilka]

I'm glad your friend has been so supportive

Do you need to tell your manager at this point? I know it will become obvious later on in the pregnancy, but if early pregnancy won't affect you doing your job, do you need to say anything now? (although I haven't been pregnant myself)

Can I also suggest you see a counsellor? Adoption is such a big decision, and exploring it with someone impartial and professional who won't try and influence you but simply let you talk everything through would really be a good idea IMHO. Even if you think you are sure, you'd have someone to talk to about the other things like telling family, dealing with other people, to talk to about the emotions you are going through etc.

[shiningstar22]

My gp has referred me for counselling have my first appointment next week. I've been writing things down like how im feeling as I'm useless at talking to people.
I have to tell my manager for health and safety reasons. I handle medication which can be dangerous during pregnancy.

[Leaptheditch]

Hi

Yeah I have done 'this' as a teen desperate to find a 'solution' that kept everyone happy. I decided straight away and never deviated from my decision. What a shame. It cost me my child, a loss i feel more and more the older i get.

I believed that adoption = a happy ending for the baby and that the stress and misery caused for my Irish catholic parents could be healed by my choice. I put myself last and shouldn't have done.

If you are scared of telling people don't, talk with a decent person centred counsellor first. If you tell people you will get a huge response and ls of negativity. This is so rare people will gossip, remember and you will have lots of intrusive questions.

You would give birth and go home alone with your post birth body, your painful engorged breasts and no baby. You are almost haunted by your alternative life of what ifs.

If I sound negative I would just counsel caution. It is an enormous decision. I am lucky, everything did work for for me and i have great friends and a fab family and am simultaneously happy with parts of my choice and bereft at the loss that came too. I am a resilient, self sufficient optimist who finds life easy. I don't think many survive it so well. Youthful brio and decent reflection got me through the adoption and aftermath but how i wish i had nurtured that baby like my others. If fear or worry is your motivator then you would just open the door to more of the same.

Sorry you are having to think this through. It doesn't happen a lot for a reason.