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After approval

(57 Posts)
Broodymomma Sat 14-Sep-13 11:32:14

So we were approved 5 days ago and we are starting to think about practical things like doing a bedroom up for our new lo. I am a little scared to tempt fate and just wondered when everyone else started doing things like the bedroom? We are approved for a 0-4 of either sex so we could only do the basics until we have more specifics.

It's only been 5 days but already feel in limbo and desperate to know what the next few months will bring. Do you literally just get a phone call one day from the sw to say they have a child for you to consider or should sw be in touch even to say no news? On average how long do people wait? During hs we were told they had lots of children waiting in our age group and it would not be long for us but I don't know if my version of not long is the same as the sw.

Have this dream of our lo being home for Xmas but as we have only just been approved I doubt that's going to happen.

Italiangreyhound Sat 14-Sep-13 12:12:04

Broodymomma am in same boat as you and feel in limbo! We have a neutral plain room, we will not start to do anything to it until we know who is coming but to be honest I might wait until we meet them and get to know them to do anything. Like you are age range is big, ours is 0-5. Feel kind of weird and need to get myself motivated!

judybloomers Sat 14-Sep-13 12:19:47

We're in the same boat too - approved in June for 0-2 and waiting for the call. We have got the room all decorated, new carpet, curtain rail etc. and we've started buying books, as you can't really go wrong with those. We'll wait to buy a cot/cotbed/toddler bed, a buggy and a car seat until we know their age and stage.

I don't want to burst your bubble, but we were told that it would be roughly 3 months between hearing about our wee one and placement and that they don't place in December, so I suspect we are all looking at the New Year now.

I hear you re the desperation for 'the call' - I jump each and every time my phone rings.

Lilka Sat 14-Sep-13 14:35:45

I bought a few bigthings post approval both times but nothing else or nothing decorative, and the room was neutral colour. My age ranges were unusually large (firstly a girl aged 3-12, because I didn't want to adopt a baby or a teenager but was pretty open to any older child in between, and second time a girl aged 4-11, I wanted a child who was in primary school). Obviously there was not a lot I could buy with that age range, especially since older kids would want to pick their own colour walls and bedding

I bought - bed, wardrobe, shelves, drawers. All plain I thought if my girl wanted she could get stickers or we could even paint the wardrobe/drawers if she wanted to. Then right before intros another big buying and painting spree after FC's asked what colour they wanted their bedrooms to be! After intros, more buying of little extras and decorations eg. wall stickers (It was special for them because obviously you can't pick all the details of your room in foster care)

I found it fun buying the bed etc! Gave me something to do, made me feel purposeful

Your SW will either call you or email you about profiles. You can email your SW if you see a childs profile yourself in BMP/CWW or elsewhere (if you're doing that).

I remember back to 1995, I really worried about being out and missing the phone call which was the only way my SW could contact me since I didn't own a mobile phone or a computer. Seems a bit crazy nowadays grin

allthingswillpass Sat 14-Sep-13 18:24:21

We had a grotty 16months wait after approval to find our LO.
Limbo indeed. However, I think the new timescales in adoption will mean that that leap goth of wait is a thing of the past.
Read, read and read some more, scare yourself with all the possible scenarios and I can assure you, if you haven't had a child before, you still won't be ready (speaks a woman who's worked with children for 20 years).
Best wishes for matching and placement. X

WarmfeetThicksocks Sat 14-Sep-13 18:29:24

I waited until after we'd been linked. Partly because that was a very short time (9 days), partly because I was dazed post-hs and partly because I didn't know who we were buying for.
We had some assumptions about who were likely to be linked with, based on convos w/ SW, which turned out to be completely wrong.
Also, you need to know what the LOs like/are familiar with. No point doing a dinosaur room for a boy who's obsessed by Thomas the Tank Engine etc
But nothing to stop you 'researching' so you have an idea of what you need when the time comes.
I also divided my shopping list into 'before matching panel' (anything that needed to be in pics in family book) and 'after matching panel' (pushchairs, carseats etc).

And start saving. Really, start saving.

Happiestinwellybobs Sat 14-Sep-13 18:30:57

I was approved at this time of year - 2 years ago. As we were approved for a girl 0-4, it did mean we could buy furniture, and we did buy some clothes - we thought we'd never get a baby, so a couple of 2-3 year dresses were bought, as we knew our SW was really looking for a girl less than 3 years old.

We received THE call in the following new year, after a pretty dire Christmas. We had pinned our hopes on having a DD for Christmas and it was utterly crap that she wasn't with us. I emailed them in November, but didn't receive much from them. However our SW was fab, and stressed to us that we shouldn't feel bad about contacting them.

And when the call did come, it was to tell us about DD who was just a baby. So we made a hasty cot purchase, and the single bed became another place to put all of her toys smile. And she is just about big enough to wear those dresses that we bought.

So we waited 4 months from approval to call, and then 2 months to placement.. I do know of a couple who did have their child placed with them in December.

Lilka Sat 14-Sep-13 18:56:44

I think placement before Christmas is only going to happen if you are linked within the next couple of weeks. I know one couple who did intros in mid December (finished round the 13th or so). They were able to because the baby was very young, around 6 months. They wouldn't place an older child in December for the obvious reasons

TeenAndTween Sat 14-Sep-13 19:06:27

We were approved for 2 children aged 0-7. We waited 15 months from approval to hearing about our girls. My recommendations:

- don't kit out a bedroom (but if it needs it get it painted something neutralish) every time you go in there you will get more anxious about the wait, AND you will have a room out of commission. [You do generally have quite a lot of time between hearing about your child and matching panel]

- if you must buy stuff, buy small generic things eg books, lego, jigsaws. Nothing expensive.

- agree with your SW how often she will contact you, eg every month. If she doesn't then find a reason to contact eg 'we are thinking of booking a holiday for 3 months time, any reason why we shouldn't'. (LAs tend to have meetings every 2 or 4 weeks to discuss children so every month is reasonable)

- if appropriate subscribe to Be My parent and Children Who Wait, at least you will feel you are being proactive

- try not to let it take over your life, it will happen in its own good time. Go on lots of 'last holidays' / mini breaks, do all those DIY jobs etc

WarmfeetThicksocks Sat 14-Sep-13 19:06:42

Linking to matching panel for us was 2.5 months. It was over the summer (this year) so I think it was held up by kids' SW being on holiday for part of that time. (I suspect there was an earlier panel date we missed because of her hols.) So be prepared for a wait after linking too. (Though its a busy wait, full of shopping opportunities!)

Broodymomma Sun 15-Sep-13 10:00:52

Thanks everyone. Lots of useful tips here and I am now prepared for a wait to the new year. The spare room is currently a guest room so we have decided to empty it and paint it a neutral colour and get the basic furniture that we need and wait for the rest. I have a 6 year old ds already so we have lots of books and early stage toys in the loft that can be quickly brought down when needed.

I think I got caught up in all the stories I read of people leaving approval panel and being shown profiles days later. Time to find my inner patience from somewhere!

Italiangreyhound Sun 15-Sep-13 18:25:39

Doing all the things you are saying I should but!!!! bought a soft toy kangeroo yesterday. It just seemed a lovely image of adoption! It is small, will keep it hidden!

I am not sure but to me the Kangeroo speaks of adoption in a special way!

Happiestinwellybobs Sun 15-Sep-13 19:36:38

I think the kangaroo is a lovely idea. I found it so difficult not to buy anything. I remember my SW asking if I had, and II didn't know whether I should have or not and felt a bit awkward, but she just laughed and told me it was fine.

I managed the wait with an occasional purchase now and again to get it out of my system smile And when we were matched, and DD's FC came to our house, I showed her DD's room, with this small pile of toys and she smiled - and i realised it was okay to have done that smile

I think perhaps that we spend a lot of time worrying about what we should and should not do and say throughout home study. And actually what we should do is what we feel is right for us, whatever helps us get through those weeks and months smile

Italiangreyhound Sun 15-Sep-13 23:19:48

Thanks, Happiest I will do just that.

Devora Sun 15-Sep-13 23:20:09

I was approved in October and our daughter came home the following August. I have to say I found this period the most taxing and testing part of the adoption process, so I do feel for you.

I moved house during that time, and as I had an older child it was pretty much a case of putting into the new bedroom all my older daughters' stuff. I don't remember buying anything other than a second hand buggy.

Remember that your child may come with a lot of their own stuff, and that you should in preference use that rather than your shiny new gear. Also that the time after linking and before introductions is a lovely time to do your shopping, with a particular child in mind.

Very best of luck to everybody recently approved.

Panadbois Wed 18-Sep-13 13:52:13

Thanks for posting this thread OP. I'm FC whose LO is up for adoption and looking for a match, and although they have explained to me the process, I had forgotten.

Good luck everyone, and if anyone of you get my LO, you'll be the luckiest people alive grin

JammieMummy Wed 18-Sep-13 14:10:06

We were I officially told about our DD in November 2011, we didn't go to panel to be approved as adopters until January 2013. That Christmas we went on a "last" holiday to America, my DH limited me to 2 outfits for her and...we came back with a hold-all full of clothes for her AND a handmade patchwork quilt confused

We were officially given her CPR as we stepped out from being approved at panel and she had moved in less than 2 months later. In hindsight there were lots of hints there, as our SW insisted we had our room completed by the time we went to panel, that was in August before we had heard of DD. we were approved for 1 or 2 children aged 7 and under. So just painted in a very neutral green colour and put in new carpet, I was convinced we would get a 4 year old boy (no idea why!) so bought a small bed. Once we found out it was one DD we sold the bed and bought her a cot, then accessorised the room with white and pink butterflies as that what she loved.

I am probably not the nest advert for restraint but all those things made me very happy and I felt I was being proactive. I also researched school and activity groups.

JammieMummy Wed 18-Sep-13 14:10:52

Sorry January 2012 not 13! That would be a long time

Italiangreyhound Sun 22-Sep-13 00:49:35

Broodymomma how's it going?

Broodymomma Sun 22-Sep-13 19:19:20

Hey still waiting for the signed minutes from panel to arrive with our sw apparently nothing can happen before that. Just trying to stay patient but its hard and we are not even 2 weeks post approval yet lol.

How is everyone else doing? Any link news this week?

mrsballack Sun 22-Sep-13 19:29:46

Hi. We've been given some details of children to consider.

We are at panel next week and the children's social worker wants to meet us the day after panel.

It's all happened a bit quick tbh and we're desparate for more info about the children so we can decorate. This week I'm stripping the bedroom and painting it neutral.

MuseumOfHam Sun 22-Sep-13 19:45:13

Broodymomma, I remember this being the most frustrating bit. We were also approved for boy or girl 0-4, and our timescales were roughly 4 months approval to getting 'the call', then 4 months to DS coming home. In the meantime, we had slightly more than decoration to do on the room as it was a bit of a renovation project, needed damp proof, replastering etc. Then we painted it yellow, cheery but not gender specific!

Italiangreyhound Mon 23-Sep-13 00:58:00

Broody we got the letter (yesterday I think) saying it is official, we have been approved. But no word of children yet!

mrsballack that is so fast! details of children already! Wow.

Our area only gives one at a time and we are only adopting one.

I am both nervous and excited!

mrsballack Mon 23-Sep-13 09:29:20

It really is quick. From what we know we are really excited and they seem ideal for us. The social workers have been floating about dates and it seems we may (all being well) be going to matching panel in January. That would be less than a year from first contact to matching.

Broodymomma Wed 25-Sep-13 21:46:12

Wow that is fast and exciting for you. I almost had heart failure when sw called today but it was just to tell me that the official signed papers arrived today so she has started looking for our lo. So excited.

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