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Exerienced adopters, please tell me about reaction to children bonding and attachment

(30 Posts)
Italiangreyhound Sat 07-Sep-13 12:32:21

In our area people who are adopting do not meet the child before they agree to adopt, normally. I have heard of exceptions. Does anyone have examples of exceptions, please?

The social workers have said you will sometimes get a feeling this is the right child when you read the info. You might see a picture or video clip/DVD of the child.

Anyone willing to share....

When/How you 'knew' or 'felt' this was the child for you?

Is bonding different from attachment?

How does bonding and attachment work?

Does not meeting the child before you say yes have any detrimental affect on your ability to bond/attach?


aladdinsane Sun 08-Sep-13 21:44:00

My DD looked grim in the photographs and in real life
She was unkempt and snotty and looked a mess - She only needed caring for and she changed totally. She was dressed in scruffy clothes
It didnt take long for her appearance to change- regular baths, a proper skin care routine, real food and nurture
It was all part of the 'claiming' each other
I can honestly say now that i love her as much as my BC- it a good job because she has put us through some tough times!!!

Italiangreyhound Sun 08-Sep-13 22:30:12

Lilka fab, thanks for all your hard work in posting and your honesty. Thanks for finidng that link.

HappySunflower, Devora, families, allthingswillpass aladdinsane, Mary, and all - thanks so much.

Maiyakat amazing story, how fab, so how did you know, what did you feel?

LEMisdisappointed and PacificDogwood hi, and thanks for your interest.

Kew any faking it tips, please, Kew darling?

Mary and aladdinsane I know what you mean about photos. I think my DD is a beautiufl child but although she has soem lvoely photos she can also take avery bad photo sometimes!

I am so nervous. But also excited.

Any tips, please share!

Wen you finally met your little ones, can you describe how it felt?

Maryz Sun 08-Sep-13 22:36:58

Scary would be the main thing I felt. I was terrified I would drop him for starters, and fail him in the long term.

Also for me I had great doubts as to whether I would be a good mother. Not helped by the number of "maybe this is God's will/fate/whatever that you don't have children naturally" comments I had got over the years. As though I wasn't meant to be a mum in some way.

Along with feelings of absolute elation grin

HappySunflower Sun 08-Sep-13 22:43:28

How did it feel?

A bit like when I passed my driving test and drove on my own for the first time. Don't be surprised if you keep waking up in the night, wondering if it really happened, wandering into their room to just look at them.

After so long waiting for it to happen, it did feel quite unbelievable at times that it had actually happened, and that she was home. smile

Devora Mon 09-Sep-13 00:09:45

Terrified, numb, faintly resentful, but also slightly obsessed and crush-y. A real maelstrom.

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