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And tonight DD contacted her birth mum again

10 replies

Lilka · 06/09/2013 20:20

On Facebook. She says she thinks she's forgiven her now

It just could not last could it? :(

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Italiangreyhound · 06/09/2013 20:47

Sorry to hear that. Hope you will be able to get ongoing help. Any charities that can mediate?

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Devora · 06/09/2013 22:16

Oh no. Lilka, I'm so sorry to hear that.

What did you say to her?

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Lilka · 06/09/2013 22:47

It's so hard because she loves her birth mum and has all these conflicting emotions at once. We've talked a bit more now. She's confused - she's been worrying about how birth mum is doing and a big part of her is desperate to cling to her. She wants to be told 'I love you' etc. But she says thinking about it makes her stomach feel funny. She can't tell me what 'funny' means.

I privately also can't help thinking she's drawn to the dysfunction like a moth to a light bulb :(

I suggested that she take things slow and only write/email/facebook etc at the moment. I suggested she not use her (new because of what happened before!) phone for contact, and not meet up for a while. I did say that I am here for her and want to support her. I told her I am only suggesting these things because i am worried about her and don't want her to get hurt like last time.

In my head - fuck. I'm so worried for her. I feel sick. I am frightened of another horrible incident like at the start of June

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holycowwhatnow · 07/09/2013 00:01

Noooooo! I saw the title and my heart sank. I have no words of any kind of wisdom. Just I'm sorry.

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Meita · 07/09/2013 13:05

:(
I hope she at least lets you guide her along the way this time.

Not really knowing you, I'd still hazard the guess that she can only venture into such emotionally stormy lands because she feels safe of/with you. You're her rock. It must be all the more painful to watch her fall and hurt :(

I'm sorry, and hope it won't be too bad. Maybe she has learnt something from last time?

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Italiangreyhound · 07/09/2013 13:29

Lilka is it time for a adult only discussion/conference with the bm to talk about it? With a social worker/therapist/someone?

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Lilka · 07/09/2013 14:03

Thanks for the support

Social services had basically washed their hands of the situation by the time DD was hospitalised in June, so I don't anticipate them doing anything now. I think trying to involve them might be pointless now

I hope DD will take it much slower now and she will be warier but I just don't know

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Bananaketchup · 07/09/2013 16:22

Lilka so sorry to see this, thinking about you.

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Maryz · 08/09/2013 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilka · 08/09/2013 17:52

She doesn't go out a lot - I don't have a lot of control over where she goes when she does, but because of her anxiety issues she tends to stick to familiar places (shops, playpark, cinema etc) and not stay out late at night. When she was seeing her mother earlier this year I was amazed how much they went out - but they tended (with a few exceptions like when DD went to mum's house) to stick to certain places DD liked or had been too lots before, and never out till all hours because she gets too anxious at night.

Mum isn't going to keep her distance. She's delighted DD is back in contact. However she hasn't asked her to meet her yet or anything which I'm pleased about. They talked online yesterday as well, and I'm sure they will later tonight.

I don't think DD will be in a hurry to go back to her mum's house because of what happened there last time. I really hope she doesn't go there again