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So I saw dds birth mum yesterday.

(121 Posts)
Mama1980 Sun 25-Aug-13 20:41:49

She asked to see me, all very official through social services and we met at a contact centre with social worker present. I hadn't seen her in 6 years. Court ordered no contact with either me or dd and she never contested that.
Dd was fine with it we had a long talk, she will never have contact with her bm again but given the circumstances was fine with me seeing her. I would never have agreed if she wasn't.
Oh my heart just broke for the girl who was once my friend, she looks awful, she's my age but looks 50 and her eyes are just dead. she was once my friend and we grew up together confusedi held her the day she found out she was pregnant with dd and she had such plans confusedI had a urge to just wrap my arms around her and cry but the other half of me wanted to scream at her for what she did and allowed to happen to my beautiful girl.
She said she wanted to see me to ask me to take the baby but when I asked why she just shrugged her shoulders. Words just started coming out of my mouth then, that I would help her, pay for rehab, get free, get clean, find her somewhere to stay words I've said a thousand times before. Why? Why?! Why did I stupidly hold out I don't know hope?! I'm so angry with myself.
But all she wants is for me to agree she'll have no contact she offered to sign her baby away like cheque. confusedThe social worker then started talking about not pressuring me that this was not what this was about it was about making the best decision and other things I didn't really hear.
I left and threw up. Not once did she ask about dd.
I came home to find my girl playing with ds1 and 2 laughing. Literally I was greeted by laughter as I came through the door.
I just needed to write that down sorry.

Matildathecat Thu 14-Nov-13 14:20:11

Just read all this. You are amazing. I wish you all the very best.

Has anyone discussed birth mum getting long term contraception? She can't expect you to just keep taking her babies. Sounds like she got plenty of child bearing years ahead.

Love to all your little ones.

TinyTear Thu 14-Nov-13 14:33:54

Good luck, will you be able to breastfeed /pump for her? it would be a lovely bonding experience.

lalalonglegs Thu 14-Nov-13 14:45:52

Wow mama, I've just come across this thread. I hope everything goes well for you, I take my hat off to you, you sound like an amazing mum and a lovely person.

Good luck with your (not-so) little brood smile.

Mama1980 Fri 15-Nov-13 08:37:05

Just updating briefly thanks for all the good wishes. I was at the hospital yesterday for ages she is tiny less than 5lbs but doing well the drs say. She's going to be in for 2 weeks at least.
I'm going back In later today. I actually hadn't thought of breast feeding, I am still feeding my youngest, and the dr mentioned it yesterday we are going to discuss further, maybe expressing at least, as she will be coming home with me. (Everything is easier from a legal point of view as we are distantly related).

TinyTear Fri 15-Nov-13 08:41:32

it was you mentioning up-thread you were still bf your youngest that made me think of it.

of course milk for a toddler is different to for a newborn, but maybe ask a lactation consultant or check the kellymom website.

glad she is doing well

GandalfsPointyHat Fri 15-Nov-13 08:44:46

You are amazing flowers good luck to you and your little bean, hope she does very well, please keep up updated x

RalphGnu Fri 15-Nov-13 09:10:56

This thread has me in tears.

Thank god there are people like you in the world x

Mama1980 Sat 16-Nov-13 08:03:34

Hi thanks for the good wishes. Just updating as promised, I spent a lot of time at the hospital yesterday she is struggling to feed which isn't good given her low birth weight but she is doing ok. I got to hold her for a bit and she seemed to calm when I did, she is just so beautiful.

neffi Sat 16-Nov-13 08:14:53

What a very special person you are. I hope the baby will be OK.

Mumof3xx Sat 16-Nov-13 08:21:48

Lovely to see an update from you mama and congrats on the new arrival
What you are doing is amazing especially given all the challenges you have already been through
How is Alex btw?

ChippingInLovesAutumn Sat 16-Nov-13 08:34:17

Mama I missed your thread originally. I hope your beautiful DD2 gets strong quickly & that there hasn't been any long term damage done by whatever the mother took/did while pregnant sad It would be fantastic for her if you could bf.

How is DD 1 doing with all of this?

How are you? It is very sad that your friend isn't in a place to accept the amazing help you offered her, for her sake and both of her DD's (and you and her family etc of course), but you can't make her 'be ready'.

duchesse Sat 16-Nov-13 08:40:24

Golly, just read your entire thread. What a wonderful thing to do, both for this little baby and your older DD. I hope the little one doesn't turn out to have issues and that it's relatively plain sailing with her.

TwelveLeggedWalk Sat 16-Nov-13 08:47:33

What an incredible person you are Mama.

I started crying when you mentioned breast feeding your new DD, that must be a huge bonus for her if it works out. I really really hope the next few weeks go well for you and your amazing family.

ToucanBlack Sat 16-Nov-13 10:10:01

OP you are amazing! I wish you and your family the best of luck. thanks

Branleuse Sat 16-Nov-13 10:28:53

lots of love and strength to you xxx

FannyFifer Sat 16-Nov-13 10:40:24

What an amazing woman you are.
Best wishes to you, your new daughter and your beautiful family.

rednellie Sat 16-Nov-13 10:52:06

Just wanted to wish you well. You're obviously no stranger to the NICU, and I hope dd2 is gaining weight.

If you need any help with tandem feeding I can offer what little I know from having twins.

Good luck with it all, you sound an amazing woman. How is dd1 feeling?

RemindMeWhatSleepIs Sat 16-Nov-13 20:10:01

Congratulations on the birth of your new DD! Thinking of you and all of your growing family.

kellestar Sun 17-Nov-13 17:07:21

Mama congratulations! I hope you and your family are well and your new DD will be home with you soon.

If you want any girls stuff give me a shout, B was 5lb and was a December baby so we have winter small baby and first size. Happy to post on to you free.

Good luck!

TeaAndSconesTwice Sun 17-Nov-13 17:16:24

Wow you are amazing muma, congratulations smile

MikeTheShite Sun 17-Nov-13 17:20:50

mama you are one hell of a lady, I just wanted to say congratulations on your new dd x

GandalfsPointyHat Mon 18-Nov-13 06:54:33

Have been thinking of your family all weekend, hope everything is going very well. I am so envy at the idea of a cuddly newborn though!

Mama1980 Mon 18-Nov-13 08:45:09

Thanks everyone. Baby was sedated last night as she was in distress yesterday and they plan to keep her that way and run tests today. Hopefully she will be stronger when she 'wakes' and has and some fluids and food in her. I will get some cuddles later as well. Her bm discharged herself AMA yesterday hmm.

Mumof3 - Alex is doing great, he's my little super star. I can't believe he will be a year soon. He is crawling now and everywhere all the time I can't keep up grin he is still tiny (in 3-6 month clothes) but other than that you would never guess how prem he was.
He is such a little personality, loves to giggle, everyone comments on it, I bought a very expensive pushchair that I could push easily with my crutches etc, and he hates it, refuses to even think of lying in it- my boy knows his own mind! I try to remember such strength is a good thing lol smile

AfricanExport Mon 18-Nov-13 08:55:41

Respect! You are awesome. I wish you all the happiness in the world. smile

EasyCompadre Mon 18-Nov-13 09:02:31

Mama, you are amazing! I'm speechless after reading this thread, but your DDs will grow feeling so special that you were there for them when they most needed someone, and you changed the course of their lives in unbelievable ways. What a woman!!
I hope baby DD is stronger an more settled when she wakes, you'll all be I my thoughts. Has older DD seen the new baby yet?

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