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So I saw dds birth mum yesterday.

(121 Posts)
Mama1980 Sun 25-Aug-13 20:41:49

She asked to see me, all very official through social services and we met at a contact centre with social worker present. I hadn't seen her in 6 years. Court ordered no contact with either me or dd and she never contested that.
Dd was fine with it we had a long talk, she will never have contact with her bm again but given the circumstances was fine with me seeing her. I would never have agreed if she wasn't.
Oh my heart just broke for the girl who was once my friend, she looks awful, she's my age but looks 50 and her eyes are just dead. she was once my friend and we grew up together confusedi held her the day she found out she was pregnant with dd and she had such plans confusedI had a urge to just wrap my arms around her and cry but the other half of me wanted to scream at her for what she did and allowed to happen to my beautiful girl.
She said she wanted to see me to ask me to take the baby but when I asked why she just shrugged her shoulders. Words just started coming out of my mouth then, that I would help her, pay for rehab, get free, get clean, find her somewhere to stay words I've said a thousand times before. Why? Why?! Why did I stupidly hold out I don't know hope?! I'm so angry with myself.
But all she wants is for me to agree she'll have no contact she offered to sign her baby away like cheque. confusedThe social worker then started talking about not pressuring me that this was not what this was about it was about making the best decision and other things I didn't really hear.
I left and threw up. Not once did she ask about dd.
I came home to find my girl playing with ds1 and 2 laughing. Literally I was greeted by laughter as I came through the door.
I just needed to write that down sorry.

SunnyIntervals Wed 04-Sep-13 09:24:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 09:55:02

Mumof3 thanks, I'm not brave though we just all try to do the best we can don't we. I'm sure she is not grateful, I don't think there's enough of the girl I knew a long time ago left to be. But I feel this is right.
Sunny- yes I have seen earthmotherimnot s old thread thanks. Such tragic news this morning she sounds as if she was amazing.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 10:11:18

Mama I think you are brave!

I was on the due April thread with you (num3onway) and for all you have been through in the past year alone I think you are quite amazing!

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 14:35:36

Mumof3- I didn't recognise your name change, smile I'm struggling to keep up with the post natal thread now. Thanks for the kind words, much appreciated thanks

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 14:36:31

I'm not surprised you sound incredibly busy!

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 14:52:21

Yep grin but its a lot of fun! grinHow are you all doing? You must have your hands full too.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 14:57:21

Oh yes we are always busy!

Dd is now 5 months, how old is Alex now? He will be one when you take on the new baby? That could be fun!

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 15:05:14

Alex is nearly 9 months now, unbelievable isn't it?! grin
Yep it's gonna be fun alright I keep alternating between thinking I'm doing the right thing worrying I'm crazy. But I knew this was a possibility when I took in dd and I really feel it is the right thing.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 15:19:46

I suppose your dd being older means you have a good helper anyway!
How is Alex doing? We are still just at the rolling stage! Both older dc sat unaided at 5 months and crawled at 6 but I don't think little one will!

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 15:44:37

Alex is sitting unaided I have continued with the exercises the physio gave me when he first came home which he loves, they were really worried about his muscle tone at first but not anymore he still has the same strong little grip he kept pulling the nicu tubes out with! Throwing things is his new favourite too! grin its strange ds1 born less prem had many more issues, he didnt sit until he was well over a year, guess it just shows how individual all children are. He has had a few problems with a gut imbalance which was scary for a while but it's all sorted now and he's well on the way to weaning properly with the care of the preemie nutritionist. He is also having regular check ups but all his tests have come back clear so far he looks the picture of health, he's just small still. He still in 0-3 month stuff mostly. The balance between his actual age and corrected is crazy though something's he can do so easy others not t all its all muddled. One thing he hates is sleep though, we're still on 2 hourly breast feeds pretty much 24/7 which is the routine he got into in the nicu, I'm hoping that will settle down soonish grin
Have you started weaning yet?

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 15:50:09

Oh gosh 0-3 how cute! Dds 3-6 stuff in looking pretty tight now lol and I noticed this mornings her leggings are getting too short. Good job I already bought full 6-9 wardrobe lol

We started baby rice a couple of weeks ago and she loves it bless her! Have started to give a little porridge too.

She is ff and takes about 30-35 oz a day as well as a little baby rice and cereal, her appetite seems to have increased since introducing the baby rice

I know a little one who was 10 weeks prem he's now nearly one, he can sit unaided and bum shuffle but still unable to roll over bless him

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 16:08:48

Lol I think dd had Alex's first year of clothes bought within a week of him coming home grin she cannot wait for him to be able to wear half of it!
Rolling over Alex isn't great at either, he tends to do a weird sideways wiggle instead. He is hitting all the milestones just not in order grin

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 16:21:41

As long as he gets there the order doesn't matter really does it!
Dd also has half a 9-12 wardrobe lol!
Older dc are both boys so buying girls things is great for me!

Do you know if the new baby is a boy or girl?

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 16:39:16

No grin it's is confusing though I never know what to expect him to do next.
No not yet as I didn't formally agree until this week all medical information was unnecessary. Once the initial paperwork is sorted they tell me ill get more details and specifics as to how practically things will work. Bm says she wants and will have no contact or anything confused but we'll wait and see, whatever is best for this baby.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 16:40:55

Hopefully she wont have any more and expect you to take them!

bext Tue 10-Sep-13 04:01:46

Wow, Mama, you are amazing. I was also on the April 2013 thread with you and just wanted to say good luck with the new baby and I'm so pleased Alex is doing so well. You've done amazingly with your brood, they must all be so proud of their mama. xx

Mama1980 Mon 16-Sep-13 12:59:36

Well meeting with ss went well this morning I took my solicitor who helped me clarify a few points.
dd s birth mum wants no contact at all, I am aware she has 6 weeks to change her mind but its not likely. So ss are planning to place the baby with me as soon as possible after birth, things being much faster as we are (distantly) related. This feels so surreal....

Jaynebxl Mon 16-Sep-13 14:31:44

When is the baby due?

Mama1980 Mon 16-Sep-13 15:53:18

December around the 15th a couple of days after my ds2 s first birthday.

Mama1980 Thu 14-Nov-13 08:41:54

Hi just wanted to update. Dd s birth mum had a baby girl last night, she's small and in nicu, she will almost certainly have to go through withdrawal. Ss called me last night and I've spoken to the hospital who are aware of the situation. I'm going to the hospital later this morning. Thanks again for all the advice and support.

volvocowgirl Thu 14-Nov-13 09:24:33

Good luck with everything, Mama. Hope she's okay. You're doing a wonderful thing. Hope everything goes well for you and your family.

LoreleisSecret Thu 14-Nov-13 09:32:33

Congratulations Mama on the arrival of your new DD.
Best wishes and prayers sent your way xx

Devora Thu 14-Nov-13 10:49:02

Welcome to your lovely new dd, Mama. I'm so sorry she will have to go through withdrawal - thank goodness you are there to help her through.

I will be thinking of you both x

Catchhimatwhat Thu 14-Nov-13 11:19:28

Good luck meeting her. smile

Kewcumber Thu 14-Nov-13 11:46:05

Good luck Mama

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