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So I saw dds birth mum yesterday.

(121 Posts)
Mama1980 Sun 25-Aug-13 20:41:49

She asked to see me, all very official through social services and we met at a contact centre with social worker present. I hadn't seen her in 6 years. Court ordered no contact with either me or dd and she never contested that.
Dd was fine with it we had a long talk, she will never have contact with her bm again but given the circumstances was fine with me seeing her. I would never have agreed if she wasn't.
Oh my heart just broke for the girl who was once my friend, she looks awful, she's my age but looks 50 and her eyes are just dead. she was once my friend and we grew up together confusedi held her the day she found out she was pregnant with dd and she had such plans confusedI had a urge to just wrap my arms around her and cry but the other half of me wanted to scream at her for what she did and allowed to happen to my beautiful girl.
She said she wanted to see me to ask me to take the baby but when I asked why she just shrugged her shoulders. Words just started coming out of my mouth then, that I would help her, pay for rehab, get free, get clean, find her somewhere to stay words I've said a thousand times before. Why? Why?! Why did I stupidly hold out I don't know hope?! I'm so angry with myself.
But all she wants is for me to agree she'll have no contact she offered to sign her baby away like cheque. confusedThe social worker then started talking about not pressuring me that this was not what this was about it was about making the best decision and other things I didn't really hear.
I left and threw up. Not once did she ask about dd.
I came home to find my girl playing with ds1 and 2 laughing. Literally I was greeted by laughter as I came through the door.
I just needed to write that down sorry.

spanky2 Wed 28-Aug-13 18:44:44

Also it would be good to have siblings stay together , if you are able of course .

belatedmaybe Wed 28-Aug-13 20:13:22

They will also know what an amazing life you have given your dd. I cannot imagine the number of thoughts going around your head right now and don't want to add to them but couldn't read without offering a token of support. It seems clear that, whatever you decide, you will decide it for the best reasons.

Jaynebxl Wed 28-Aug-13 21:12:10

Wow thanks for sharing your story. I really wish you well whatever you decide to do.

LaVitaBellissima Wed 28-Aug-13 21:31:29

What is your DD's opinion? And what is your gut reaction?

DelayedActionMouseMaker Wed 28-Aug-13 21:36:17

From your dd and this baby's position I would say that doing this gives them birth family to have by one another's side, which must be a big thing for both of them. But you also have to consider your own feelings about whether a family of 4 children's is really what you want?

Mama1980 Mon 02-Sep-13 14:38:41

Thank you for all the support. It's much appreciated. I had a ss meeting today where I have agreed to take the baby and things will now be moving forward. Maybe I'm crazy my youngest isn't 1 yet but it feels the right decision.

LaVitaBellissima Mon 02-Sep-13 14:47:10

Good for you Mama wishing you the best thanks

lunar1 Mon 02-Sep-13 14:50:06

Congratulations on expanding your family, you are certainly going to be busy when the little one arrives!

bootsycollins Mon 02-Sep-13 14:59:56

Wishing you all the best Mama. Your family's story is inspirational. Has the bm been dependant on drugs throughout her pregnancy?

AmazingBouncingFerret Mon 02-Sep-13 15:05:19

wow Mama1980. Wish you the best.

Slainte Mon 02-Sep-13 15:11:32

Wow, you're an inspiration to us all. Good luck to you and your family.

MoreThanWords Mon 02-Sep-13 15:12:15

Wishing you strength and patience for the next few years months. I have one child with me under an sgo and last year almost had to make a similar decision (until nature decided otherwise).

Is the baby likely to be born substance-dependent? Make sure you get every possibility catered for in your sgo in terms of future support.

How does the 15yo feel about a half? sibling arriving, in relation to how she feels towards her birth mother?

You are making a life changing decision for the new baby - and I applaud you for it x

LovePotatoes Mon 02-Sep-13 15:17:09

Hello Mama. I too want to applaud you for what you are doing! You are an inspiration. The new addition to your family will be very fortunate to have you as their Mum.
I hope the birth mother gets better asap.

Buswanker Mon 02-Sep-13 15:19:22

What a brave and truly amazing decision you made, one more child laughing and playing when you come home.
All the best x

VileWoman Mon 02-Sep-13 16:32:25

I just wanted to say you are amazing. A friend of my MIL adopted four siblings and they have become amazing people, comes of having a fab Mum. And as my cousin is a foster parent I have a small idea of what you will have to go through. Your friend is so lucky to have you to pick up the pieces of her life.

SunnyIntervals Mon 02-Sep-13 19:40:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnyIntervals Mon 02-Sep-13 19:40:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jaynebxl Mon 02-Sep-13 22:26:04

Wow! Well done you. Hope it all goes well.

Devora Mon 02-Sep-13 22:46:37

thanks for you, Mama

Lilka Mon 02-Sep-13 23:06:07

Wonderful, I hope your new DC will bring you more joy than you can express in words (my DS who was a sibling placement certainly does me) smile flowers

Charlottehere Mon 02-Sep-13 23:17:27

You are amazing. Really....I'm in awe. Good luck.

Charlottehere Mon 02-Sep-13 23:17:57


flossymuldoon Tue 03-Sep-13 16:59:53

Oh my goodness. Congrats. You are amazing!!!

Mama1980 Wed 04-Sep-13 08:56:08

Thanks everyone, appreciate the good wishes smile
The baby may or not be substance dependent no one is sure of the truth of what bm says right now. Ss say to prepare both ways. Baby is due in December.

Mumof3xx Wed 04-Sep-13 09:02:56

Goodness mama!
You are so brave to take this on after everything you have been through!
I hope this woman is grateful and realises how much you have done and will continue to do for her!

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