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Anyone parenting using PACE

(5 Posts)
Thatsnotmychicken Fri 23-Aug-13 17:40:03


We started seeing a psychotherapist to help us with dd1 who is having some attachment problems and some PTSD issues from her early life. I just wondered if anyone one else out there had any experience of it and how it worked for you? I largely think it is a great idea but am finding some of it difficult to maintain!


KristinaM Sat 24-Aug-13 10:31:41

I know a number of families who used and found it very helpful. Although it is hard because its a whole new approach to parenting, and it can feel like the opposite of what is " natural" ( how were were brought up or our cultural norm )

Lilka Sun 25-Aug-13 15:49:01

I try to use PACE where I can, along with techniques and ideas from other people (especially the Beyond Consequences approach). It is helpful for my kids

I agree with Kristina...most of the parenting techniques which can help with traumatised children, are very different to what seems like the 'natural' or normal way to parent. Therefore you will struggle sometimes...I certainly struggle sometimes, less so now than the first couple of years of trying to parent very differently. But at first it was hard because whilst I could reason and KNOW that what I was doing was better...emotionally I was still feeling frustrated and my instict was to do something else. Also, our kids issues are hard to live with sometimes and it takes up a lot of energy....using even more energy on a new parenting technique which you really need to think about more since it's not coming naturally, I found tiring. But worth it when I stuck with it

Bad days and mistakes are normal and to be expected. The important bit is that you still believe in yourself as a parent, and you can tell yourself that you aren't failing but put it aside and carry on.

Remember you don't actually need to get it right 100% or even 80% of the time to see change and help, pretty sure Daniel Hughes says that himself. Aim for a majority of the time if you are finding it difficult.

Have you read "Creating Loving Attachments: Parenting with PACE" by Kim Golding and Daniel Hughes? I found it a helpful guide and it goes through various problems you may come up against

Lilka Sun 25-Aug-13 15:52:59

The book was published last year

Every time a new year and a better book with good ideas (I'm quite a book person, I know others aren't but I find books very helpful) I think - why couldn't I have had this 5/10/15 years ago?

Thatsnotmychicken Sun 25-Aug-13 17:47:29

Thanks Lilka,

I have got that book and am about half way through it. It is easy to read but there does seem a lot to remember. I am glad you said that its ok not to do 100% of the time, I was worried that being inconsistent might even be worse than not doing it.
I really want to parent in that way it makes a lot of sense. I am finding it quite frustrating that after being quite critical of my parents parenting that I find myself doing things the way that they would! I knew adopting would be hard but I don't think I realised how tired and drained I would feel.
Am going to persevere. I do like a book too - were there any other books you have found particularly helpful?

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