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Celebration court hearing - who normally goes? Immediate or wider family?

(8 Posts)
shouldwego Thu 22-Aug-13 11:51:42

Hi, I hope you can help me.

SIL has adopted siblings a while ago but the adoption order is just going through now. They have a date for a celebration court hearing soon.

Who normally goes to these? I had expected it would be SIL, BIL and the kids but SIL it seems is expecting us to all go, taking our dc out of school and travel a few hours each way/possibly overnight. I was a bit surprised at this but wonder whether it is normal and it is my initial thoughts that are a bit off?

Would my dc schools be likely to authorise time off for that is another question?

It would be really helpful if you could let me know what the 'norm' is please?


Middlesexmummy Thu 22-Aug-13 14:42:48

Hi , we have ours tmrw . I have invited those who dd know s . That is sister , mum, in laws , dh s cousin and aunt plus my friend who also has a baby she s adopting . I have invited them and they are coming but if they couldn't , I would not b annoyed about it .

Lilka Thu 22-Aug-13 15:09:58

I don't know what's normal, but I only had my mum aside from the child/ren and myself. My kids wouldn't have been able to cope with a big loud gathering at the time I adopted them so I made it all small and low key. In addition my DD' s were old enough that being adopted wasn't just an exciting day, my DD2 especially had some mixed emotions. I also personally wanted it to be more private, it felt more special that way.

But that's me and my kids/situation. This is such a wonderful day in your sil/bil' s lives and some people want their family to celebrate with them - a bit like a small wedding! Are they planning a special party or meal or something afterwards, because the court hearing itself will not be long at all?

I would try and go if you can because to them (i assume, without knowing them) this hearing is probably going to be on par with their wedding in terms of how important it is (or more important). My kids adoption days are the most important ceremonies of my life.

However if you can't make it, well if it was me I would understand because it is hard when dates fall on school/working days.

shouldwego Thu 22-Aug-13 20:09:05

Thanks for your messages.

The dc are also older and I imagine it may be a mixed day, connected with the fact they often struggle in social situations I guess meant that it didn't occur to me that it would be a wider thing. I knew it was always going to be a very special day for them but had thought it was the four of them (2 parents, 2 dc) as a new family celebrating their unit.

We will make every effort to attend, although I think it may be better to go just as adults and without our dc as sometimes all the kids together can get a bit much and lead to flare-ups. I wouldn't want to risk ruining their day.

Middlesexmummy, I hope you have a brilliant day tomorrow smile.

Happiestinwellybobs Thu 22-Aug-13 20:26:19

Ours was just DH and me with DD. We hadn't really thought beyond that. It was over very quickly, and actually DH was VERY poorly that day, so we were glad it was just the three of us smile

We celebrated with my parents on the day the adoption order went through, a month earlier.

Moomoomie Thu 22-Aug-13 21:02:50

It was only us who went into court for our adoption hearing, but we had a family party afterwards at our home for family. We also went to a studio and had photographs taken.

TulipsfromAmsterdam Fri 23-Aug-13 23:08:16

I have 5 bc plus some have partners and 2 dgc who I hope can attend along with my mum and pil. LO has been with us since birth so knows them all so well and hopefully won't be fazed by his big day.
However, if anyone has other commitments including school, I would not mind at all and don't expect everyone to be able to make it. If it is easier for you to go without dc then that seems fine especially with new laws regarding unauthorized absence in schools.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 24-Aug-13 11:09:21

We took DS out of school to attend (I'd have challenged them to refuse to authorise that absence!) but wouldn't have expected other children to miss school or an important event. We had our parents plus our SW and DD's SW there.

If we knew then how swiftly it would all be over and the fact that for most of it it was only me, DH and DD in the room, I don't know whether we would have invited our parents. Though the family photos taken in the court house are rather nice!

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