Long Lost Families

[Happyasapiginshite]

I watched LLF last night as I'm sure did lots of you. It's made me so so sad, I was thinking about it for much of today. It's a lovely heart warming programme and for those involved it's wonderful that there's (mostly) a happy ending. But for my dd -adopted from Russia - there's never going to be that happy reunion and I'd imagine for most of the children adopted today, there's no BM waiting for them with the story of how they were forced to place them for adoption because of the times they lived in. What will my dd find when she goes to look for her BM? Nothing good, I'm guessing.

I don't begrudge those lovely people the closure they're getting, it's wonderful. I just feel incredibly sad for my dd.

[Kewcumber]

Same situation here happy - as you know. I gave up watching such programmes long ago for the same reason. Made me sad but unavoidable really.

And I don;t think that there really is a "happy ending" for most people. I think there is closure for most people but happy? Not so sure.

[Happyasapiginshite]

Maybe so, Kew. I'm sure they filmed loads and only show selected ones. There was a fantastic irish series filmed called adoption stories. One of the stories was of a man in his 20s returned to Romania to try to find his birth family and found that his BM was dead,murdered, and his BF was a homeless alcoholic. He was a fantastic young man and, on film at least, seemed to handle the meeting well. He had had a very secure upbringing. His story is what I fear for my daughter but also what I hope for ie that she'll be strong enough to cope with whatever she finds.

[Kewcumber]

I know what ds will find... absolutely nothing. I have already done a birth parent search and all information is false. Mind you I was told that was likely at the time.

[Moomoomie]

I know what you mean
I was watching it and thinking how life has changed. To have no option but to give your baby for adoption must be heart breaking.
Nowadays, it is so different, I only know of one adopted child who was relinquished at birth.
Hopefully our children will be secure enough in their family units to not be too fazed.
My girls birh mother died last year, so there will never be a reunion.

[Lilka]

Not been watching, didn't even know it was on actually

But no, funnily enough my DD2's reunion hasn't been anything like on TV!!!

I'm happy for those on the program who found what they wanted. I really am happy for them. But I'm sad for all the adoptees of today as well, especially my own children

[Kewcumber]

I'm so torn about the total lack of birth parent in DS's life - even the possibility of one... then I read Lilka's posts and think that its lucky I don't actually get a choice! we all just have to deal with whatever is handed out to them, sadly so do our children.

[JaquelineHyde]

I refuse to watch these programmes not just because they make me feel sad but mainly because they bloody infuriate me.

If my two DDs go looking for their birth mother they will find nothing but utter heart ache. They will have to read court papers that reveal things that could destroy them including how their mother was begged by SS to say goodbye to her children (she had abandoned them with strangers at a hostel) to which she replied 'nah if they want to speak to me they can come and find me at 18.'

[Devora]

My only concern about these programmes is that they perpetuate myths about adoption that have no relevance to what happens today. And that they make the adoptive parents invisible, encouraging the sense of romantic reunion with 'real' parents as being the central narrative of adoption.

I'm not saying these programmes shouldn't be made or shown. They show some aspect of some people's reality, even if it's not ours. But I do worry about their impact on our society's understanding of adoption and adopted children. And, like others here, I shudder to think of what heartache might await my daughter when she starts searching.

[Happyasapiginshite]

Devora, it's a real shame you can't watch that Irish series because the parents of the adoptees were very much part of the programme. There was one particular mother who adopted a little boy and had him from birth until he was a year old. Then the BM's circumstances changed and she was able to parent and took him back. The mother -adoptive- was amazing and so gracious. She kept in touch with the BM and met with her and the little boy when he was 2 and said he was very happy and loved and that she was glad she was able to love him until his BM was ready for him.She went on to adopt a daughter and had 2 birthday daughters. She was very much part of the focus of the programme as her daughter searched for her birth family.
It was a much less 'dramatic' programme than LLF and better for it, IMO.

[Happyasapiginshite]

For anyone who's interested, that series is on YouTube, I just checked. It you search 'adoption stories tv3' it's the first thing that comes up.