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How old for DC before starting adoption

(11 Posts)
macfi Fri 22-Feb-13 18:37:06

We have been blessed with two dc 4 & 1.5 after a very long ivf journey. We would love to complete our family by adopting in two years once the youngest is a school. I know the process takes forever so wondered when we should start.

I am a childminder as well so any advice on if you have to give up work, I was thinking a break of six months like I had on maternity to get to know each other but would need to save up.

Is there any other costs we should budget for?

The more I write, the more questions I have thank god for mn

Italiangreyhound Fri 22-Feb-13 20:22:43

Hi and hope your journey goes well. I think it is best to ask your local authority what age gap they require.

When we first looked into this I think they said the birth child needed to be 4, we only have one so that would mean your youngest needed to be 4, BUT things may have changed and I have heard they will accept families with children who are younger in some places.

A bigger age gap is (I have heard) better between a birth child and a child you adopt into the family.

We are still on our journey so to be honest there are a lot more people on here who can advise you better but I just wanted to make sure your post got some attention.

Broodymomma Sat 23-Feb-13 13:22:40

We have someone on our course who has a bc age 3 I suppose they will take into account how old you bc will be when you are likely
To be approved. Good luck

Lilka Sat 23-Feb-13 17:52:13

My LA will work with families whose BC is at least 3, and will be 4 when the family are approved and searching for a child. This is because the youngest age range they will approve for is 0-2 (the majority of younger children here are aged 1-2 not 0-1 so they won't approve solely for 0-1) and there needs to be at least a 2 year age gap between the youngest child in the family and the new child.

I would approach agencies once your youngest is about 3 and a half to 4 years old, assuming you are happy to adopt a young child and would not prefer a slightly older child in which case you would have to wait a couple of years longer

They prefer you to take a year off work but the minimum is 6 months, so you have time to adjust as a family and the new child can build attachments. So budget for at least 6 months and the costs of having a new child, but other than that, the most you would be paying is travel costs to get to prep courses and introductions and posssibly the court fee for adoption (which is between 100-200 pounds for England/Wales, but I've forgotten exactly how much)

macfi Sat 23-Feb-13 19:02:28

Thank you it's clearly not very clear cut and as another post stated we are looking for a dodo in Mayfair I think we will need to prepare for another long road.

Ikeameatballs Sat 23-Feb-13 19:06:01

My friends are just having their intros now, very exciting, they started to apply when their birth child was 2.5-3. He is now 4. They too were told as Lilka says that youngest birth child should be at least 2.

Devora Sat 23-Feb-13 19:14:02

We were told a minimum two year age gap, and the wouldn't let us start till our birth child was nearly three. We adopted a 10 month old baby when our first was nearly four and three quarters. So we have a four year age gap, which I think works well.

They tend to like you to take a year off work though I know two or three adopters who were back at work in six months. I would think the nature of your work is important here. Are you planning on keeping the child at home along with your charges?

macfi Sat 23-Feb-13 21:30:58

I was thinking six months off work and then taking on one child of a similar age which is what I have done with my dc previously. We really need the money I bring in so wouldn't be able to stop childminding for too long. I guess it would all depend on the child, their back ground and how they settled. I had thought because they would be with me all the time that this would help with feelings of security.

Devora Sat 23-Feb-13 21:37:52

Yes, but expect the switch to grill you on how you will cope if your child is jealous and clingy and doesn't' t want to share you.

Don't worry, you don't have to have all the answers before you start

Ikeameatballs Sat 23-Feb-13 23:26:01

Sorry my post should read " least 2 years older than the adoptive dc".

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 26-Feb-13 20:43:57

We started the process just before DS was 5, so that there would be at least a two year gap and we would be able to consider a pre-schooler. Before then agencies really weren't interested in us - though we ended up adopting DD when she was only 15 months!

We have a 4.5 year gap between our two, which isn't what we planned or probably really wanted, but works for us and I'd recommend it (for various reasons, I can expand if you like).

I went back to work after 7 months. We couldn't really afford for me to be off longer, but if it had been necessary I guess we would have had to find a way somehow. We were lucky that DD didn't have significant issues that made it difficult either in bonding or her settling into a childcare setting.

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