Had dd's 2 year developmental check yesterday with the PHN and a student PHN. After ooing and ahhing over how cute she is, they pulled out her file and commented on the fact that she was adopted.
Student PHN said 'she's such a lucky little girl'
'Do you think so?' says I, 'She was in an institution for the first 14 months of her life, not ideal I would have thought.'
'No I mean she's so lucky to have you now.'
I know she meant well but I kept at it and said ' No, we're the lucky ones.'
The PHN then said 'You have an older boy, is he your own?'
'They're both my own,' says I.
'O, you know what I mean,' says she.
'I'm not sure that I do,' says I. 'Do you mean is he my biological son?'
'Yes, that's what I meant.'
'Yes he's my bio son but they are both my own children. That's not a phrase I'd like DD to hear when she's older. She's as much mine as DS is. I know you don't mean any harm by it but the langage of adoption is really important.'
My ears were well and truly burning on my walk home but I was SO proud of myself. I'm usually very non-confrontational and will smart over things but say nothing.
I'm growing balls of steel
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
My steel balls are growing!
Happyasapiginshite · 16/11/2012 12:29
Well said. Hopefully it will make them think before they make the same comments.
The power of mumsnet.
That's brilliant that you said all that. It might make them think and could change the way they speak to other patients in the future for their whole careers.
Sometimes, when protecting our children, we can do things that we can't imagine that we could ever do. You should make yourself a little lioness badge and wear it
Sorry Kew I wasn't suggesting that adoptees should feel it or be told to feel it at all. I hate people telling me how I should feel, how I should search out my bio family etc when I have no desire to.
I really was trying to explain my own feelings but I guess I should have re-read how it sounded 
. I appreciate that children suffer a lot before getting to the point of coming home to their new family.
I was adopted in the early 80's when things were much different and I was 6 months old.
I did understand Shamy - and am agreeing with you! I don't have a problem with you feeling however you like... I would be thrilled if DS tells an internet forum in 20 years time that he is lucky to have me! Maud down the road however telling DS that he was lucky to be adopted by me isn't on. No-one else thinks having parents who love them is "lucky" when they are 7, they think its normal!
What is lucky is that out of the thousands of children adopted around the world in the year I adopted DS, and out of the 7 or so children being adopted from the same orphanage at the same time, I got DS. Not a single other child would have done, not one other child is quite as marvellous or as special as he is 
.
To paraphrase... "Now That's What I Call Lucky"
Kewcumber - that's just made me all teary.
That's exactly how i feel. No other child could have been my child, or be as marvellous as my DS. I even feel that when he is being a difficult total pain in the arse control freak
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