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Issues with sleeping

(32 Posts)
MissFenella Tue 06-Nov-12 20:02:35

DD2 is 33 months and has been in care since 16 months.

I know FC co-slept (against SW instruction) and DD is obviously demanding the same level if comfort from us. It's just not practical for me to spend all night in DD room when I also have her sister to parent.

It's early days (week 2) and I just want to do what's best for both dds. It's not every night, only 2 occasions so far but I want to comfort her and assure her as well as having a solid routine and boundaries in place IYSWIM.

CelstialNavigation Thu 08-Nov-12 19:38:56

"Your SW is an idiot. " establishing boundaries" is not the most Importamt thing ( TMIT) with a newly placed child. It's building attachment. Anything else is secondary and, if it gets in the way of attachment, may have to go.

Because if they becoem properly attached to you, you can deal with almost everything else later. "

Exactly. I can't echo this strongly enough. And i think your instincts are telling you this is not the right thing to do either.

Your daughter will find it easier to form a secure attachment to all of you if her anxiety is not being raised every evening by being left alone while you are with her sister or all of you are together without her downstairs. I don't mean to put in emotive language but that is what it would feel like to a child that age.

To remove the comfort of co-sleeping when she has only come to you 2 weeks ago is far far too soon.

And even if you or the SW feel her foster parents did not take the right course of action in co-sleeping with her, that is what they did, that is what she is used to and to suddenly stop now is withdrawing a comfort at a time when she needs it most. Give her what she needs to get through the transition.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 08-Nov-12 19:45:19

How's it going, MissF?

MissFenella Thu 08-Nov-12 20:44:34

well we have continued to do what we feel is right and the last 2 nights have been unbroken sleep with no fuss or drama getting to sleep.

I have been reading DD books my mother read to me - and explained so, this means I love reading them (and can for a long time) and she feels a little connection. It seems to be working!

Lots of love and cuddles in the day (and nail painting?!) and she doesn't seem visibly stressed or worried.

FamiliesShareGerms Thu 08-Nov-12 21:09:27

Sounds great, MissF, really glad to hear it

KristinaM Thu 08-Nov-12 21:20:30

That's sounds encouraging.

CelstialNavigation Fri 09-Nov-12 22:22:17

Glad its going so well, keep trusting your instincts.

fudgesmummy Sun 02-Dec-12 22:05:35

Hi All,
I am a long term lurker on this topic-I was adopted 46.5 years ago as a tiny 7 lb 5 week old baby. I think that if I could remember being a newly brought home little girl I would have wanted my new mummy close to me when I needed her not to have her being advised by some clueless SW to be "establishing boundaries"
missfenella carry on doing what you think-as her mummy (and daddy)-is right and you cant go wrong.....
good luck to you both smile

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